Lumen Crimseon
by KHMarie
Summary: After nearly two years without General Du Couteau, Talon felt lifeless. His will had disappeared along with the General. Having found a resolve to find the man himself, he signs himself to the Fields of Justice for clues of his whereabouts. While there he finds himself bloodlusting over a certain Demacian mage. Attracting a deadly assassin never tends to end well. Follows old lore
1. Blood

_A/N: Hi everyone! So just so my followers know, I am still keeping up with Seeing You, it is just a slow process. I had thought up this story last night for Lux and Talon and I just had to write it down. And so here it is, hopefully I will progress with it, I am really into it thus far._

_Cover Image belongs to irahi on deviantart, I would link the users page but it won't let me_

_All rights reserved to Riot Games and their ownership of these characters and lore_

* * *

**Lumen Crimseon **

**Chapter I | Blood**

Killing is more than just a means to get by. It's a lifestyle. After so much bloodshed, it becomes difficult to withhold the pleasure slitting a throat fills you with. Or how crimson the blood is and how silky it feels on your hands. Yes, killing was an art...it was my art. As was it General Du Couteau's. He was truly a man of valor and grace when it came to wielding steel. His ability to cut down his enemies more than warrants anyone's respect. As did he earn mine, when he spared my life, and gave me a home and a chance to truly delve deeper into the obsession that was assassination. How could a young boy refuse? Many years I served by the Du Couteau's family side in hope of one day living up to the debt that was my very own existence, alas even I knew it would never come to pass. I wanted to serve him forever, for he was the only one ever strong enough to defeat me. I grew up alongside his daughters who, although one prizes her father legacy more than the other, had gained my respect... to an extent. The Noxus way is to always watch your back, and never trust those around you. Even your closest "friends" will find a way to get you killed, an old accomplice of mine named Kavyn learned that by my hand. One of the sisters felt the consequences of betrayal the hard way, however that is not something I so choose to indulge in, let alone care enough about.

As for the Generals youngest daughter, Katarina, she certainly basks in the shadow of her father. Although I respect her swordsmanship and her tenaciousness, she could never quite fill her fathers shoes after his disappearance.

His disappearance, it was hard for the family. However no one, not even the sisters, will know how heavy such a burden was for myself. Forever indebted and never able to serve my debtor, most would think I was lucky.

I felt it was tragic.

My respect to those stronger than me far outshone my desire to kill and steal; this did not mean I downplayed Katarina's honor to her family, no one will know what she had to endure to earn it, however at least she still had living relatives. In all actuality, I had no one. Many accomplices of mine suggest I simply marry into the family, considering how much of a part of it I already am. It is never that simple. General Du Couteau was a father to me, and his daughters my sisters. Nothing more, nothing less; his disappearance does not change this.

What did change was my motive for living. If I could not serve the General my life had no meaning to it. I'm sure to others this must come off as pathetic, but no one will understand my loss. To me he was my only family, my father. He showed me respect. As ironic as this seems coming from Noxus of all places, he was my hope.

And I saw my hope blowout.

Although I am considerably older than I was back when the General found me, this does not change that my freedom was held on by a delicate string. The General used my life as a tool for war. Sending me on private missions, training me. I am the way I am because of him. Without him where will I get my jobs from. No one willingly hires assassins without going through other parties, and I did not trust my name to others. My works were for the Du Couteau family only. I'd often find myself being invited on missions from Katarina to spy on Noxian officials. Although I would attend them for she does request that I do, I find them very tedious and unexciting. I prefer working alone.

I found this current lifestyle to become tremendously boring and depressing after some time. I realized the only way I would get my life back was to find the General myself. I would search across Valoran until I found him again, and we would celebrate his return for I would have my life back. I decided the best way to go about this was joining the Fields of Justice.

Justice has come to have a very steep meaning now days. That dreadful League was a place I'd spent years trying to avoid. No man with an ear did not know of the corruption within the Institute of War, however people's greed and blood lust made their memory wary of the dark rumors surrounding the establishment. How could I say I was any better? Katarina and her sister, Cassiopeia, tried for months to get me to join, "it would be good for you to train and get back in the habit of fighting" they would tell me, I could tell it was their attempts at trying to cheer me up. Where as I appreciated the concern that the girls rarely ever showed, what good is fighting when your target will never truly die. Such a waste in sharpening my blades.

However my mind soon swayed when discussing the League with Katarina. I realized how many significant figures were also apart of this incredulous manslaughter arena. General Du Couteau's whereabouts could very possibly be a whisper among them. So I signed up.

•

For weeks I found it uneventful to say the least. The pay was good depending on how often you were summoned, and I must say, the endless murder wasn't as bad as I'd originally presumed. Although it is still a waste of effort for a pat on the back and some gold, it did help my mood and I felt more productive. I suppose I should listen to the Du Couteau sisters more often… maybe. It wasn't until I eventually found myself going up against them... the Demacians. Of all my years living with the General and his family, I knew he hated nothing more than the city that was Demacia. A faction of self proclaimed justice, it ridicules Noxus's actions just as much as it has it's shiny pompous nose up it's own ass. Although I would be lying if I said I hadn't been there and the city is significantly more beautiful than the slums of Noxus, this does not change anything. A gold covering does not make anyone any less prone to evil doings.

Although a lot more subtle than I, Katarina too searched for clues on her father's where abouts in the League, whereas Cassiopeia was more concerned with her own vendetta. Most of our leads took us nowhere, but we were always most wary of the Demacians. I found special pleasure in the repetitive murder of each and every Demacian, each death in the name of the General.

Due to the nature of my skill set, I usually found myself being summoned into the role of middle lane. Mostly consistent of mages and the occasional ninja, samurai, I adapted to spending a good majority of my day fighting against magic and spells; a skill I'd admit I did not have till now and that I feel is the only thing I got from the League. Sometimes I'd find myself against other Noxians, Katarina and Cass even, however I do what I am summoned to do without hesitation. It reminds me of when we would quarrel as children, although Cass would normally stay out of of them, and wasn't quite as... slithery.

I would also go against a few Demacians in lane, although their mages are quite limited to say the least. Very rarely will I see a gargoyle and occasionally an angel that apparently resides in the city; most of all though I would see a girl. A girl with sweet golden hair, to match a just as sweet personality. It'd almost make you want to puke. Her ear-piercingly high voice, always filled with positivity. God, those were always the worst days, and they came more often than I'd preferred them to. Fortunately for me, killing her came easy, and it was such an exciting experience every time. How I loved to see her blood dripping from my blade. Although it only antagonized me more how no matter how many times I killed her or mocked her, or anything, she'd always come back just as lively as before my blade slit her arteries. It was torture.

And it was always the same every time, every time I would see her. How could anyone be so ditsy, so painstakingly _happy?_ It made me want to kill her. Permanently.

And so I would.

It honestly had my blood boiling, the sheer thrill of having a singular target to hunt and kill. Outside of the League she'd be like an innocent dow, so ripe and ready to be slaughtered. I decided I would do my research on her as to craftily get away with assassination. It has been years since I had planned such a trip. I had decided against informing the two sisters as this was a personal mission and did not involve them; and went about the rest of the week learning up on this "Luxanna Crownguard".


	2. Knowledge

_A/N: I am really into writing this which is why this update came literally the day after I posted the original story, trust me when I say for me that is usually almost unheard of. I will also say for future note that Talon's abilities are pre-nerf, so he can still silence. This will be important for future chapters, and yes I am trying very hard to stay strictly canon to old lore/game mechanics. All reviews are appreciated!_

_Cover Image belongs to irahi on deviantart_

_All rights reserved to Riot Games and their ownership of these characters and lore_

* * *

**Lumen Crimseon**

**Chapter II|Knowledge**

To say finding information on Luxanna was easy would be be an _understatement_. I have always known of the Crownguard family, who hadn't? They were quite notorious. I had not, however, had any reason in particular to look too much into their children. Luxanna and Garen Crownguard...yes their names were certainly starting to seem familiar. I had a very biased source of information on the brute that was Garen from Katarina's constant complaints about the man that I tried to drown out; however I knew just about nothing about his sister.

Politics in Noxus are and probably will always be complicated for awhile to say the least, which gave me all the more reason to want to keep my nose out. The red-headed Du Couteau was the one who loved to go sniffing around Swains quarters for any dirt. No matter how unpopular they may be to me however, the fact I had never heard of this "Luxanna's" infiltration into Noxus's High Command, and the extraction of valuable information took me almost by surprise. Looking back on this, I can see why they would try to keep such a feat hushed. Noxus is known for it's miserable stubborn pride, and letting a bright girl whose very aura screams _"I'm right here, come get me!"_ get away with all their dirty secrets probably stung their ego a bit. However if there is one person I know who wouldn't just stand back and let some little girl rob our faction of information, it would be General Du Couteau. To say his disappearance might have been in relation to that was honestly a large steep step into a hefty conclusion, however I did see it as a possible lead for the future and kept that information stored.

Going back to just looking up personal information, the girl was apparently an academic prodigy, not something I would originally presume just based off initial introductions and knowledge of her. Although she would often mumble some nonsense I'd never understand sometimes about "light spectrums" and "rainbows" during our time on the Field, I figured she was just being annoying. Which I mean she is... very painfully- either way. Youngest woman ever tested on by the College of Magic, hailed on by Demacian government, it sounded like she had it made. Political and academic success, hell if my life was this good I'm sure even _I'd_ be as disgustingly happy as her. Though that was not really a state I'd ever want to imagine myself. Most other information on the blonde I found from my personal resources were either useless or void of context, and so I decided it was time for more observing and less research.

•

Sneaking into Demacia is far easier than it should be. Though what is of importance is not necessarily the city itself, as much as it is the government buildings and the kings castle, which is located deep within the city. The faction was more or less always opened to tourist... that weren't Noxians. My dark purple cloak and large blades probably would not be very subtle nor welcomed kindly, and so darkness was my friend. I waited until the evening had come to make my silent trek to my targets home.

The Crownguard house was just as loud and obnoxious as their children. A beautiful grand white two-story building with traditional gold and blue flags gusting in the wind, it was very repulsive if you asked me. Noxians are not quite as patriotic as Demacians are, however they do take their culture just a seriously. Inspecting the establishment from the dark areas of their equally as grand garden, I could see easily into their home through their many large sunrooms that made up the lower backside of the house. It was still rather early in the evening, probably just a bit after sundown, so I had decided to wait it out a bit.

The home alone was not heavily guarded, in fact there was not a guard in slight. This did not surprise me however seeing that the place houses some elite soldiers and veterans. It was probably also due to the fact the crime rate in Demacia itself was just about nonexistent; I'm sure the last thing on their mind was someone breaking and entering. Peering occasionally from afar to pass the time, I could see the family eventually all sitting together enjoying their supper. It was as if I was looking at a dream, the perfection of the image made me sick. A full dinner table of assorted foods, the family all sitting around it laughing and feasting without a care in the world. How I wish I could show them what true misery felt like, it seemed as though they had never experienced hardship in their entire lives.

I was jealous.

The scene wasn't all too unfamiliar. Though not quite as bright, I too had dinners with the Du Couteau family. We all enjoyed eachothers company and feasted. Even our time was often spent in merriment. Our lives, the Noxians and the Demacians, are not as different as one may assume. Yes our city was not as polished, but even though people still found a way to make the best of it. After the Generals disappearance however, dinners and feasts were long forgotten. I had gone back to feeling lonely and bitter. I knew what true lost felt like. I hated them, and their smiles. I hated them...

After about half past midnight, once the house grew dark, I made my way to the side of the house that the girls room was on. Before I had come here, I had gotten my hands on a map of the city and the floorplan of the Crownguards home. Guessing which room had been the girls was not difficult, for all one had to do was see the surroundings of one of the upper balconies to know which room belonged to whom. Once everything had grown quiet, I ascended to her balcony swiftly and silently. It felt good to be back on the field again, too long had it been since I had gone on a real mission, I was almost afraid I'd be rusty. I glanced through the glass carefully as trying not to be seen. It was certainly a females room, and with the mountain of books and papers covering the study near the balcony door, it was not hard to assume it was hers. Farther back were a few bookshelves covered with thick novels, scrolls, and textbooks. To the far right, a large luxurious canopy bed with clean cream sheets and pillows with a few stuffed animals covering it. I almost felt myself snickering at the fact this juvenile managed to sneak under our high officials nose, however I kept quiet. There was a very intricate chandelier in the center of the high rise ceiling, however it was not currently illuminated. Other than a simple yet polished wardrobe near the bookshelves which presumably held her clothes and a few plants here and there, the room was relatively spacious and seemed rather empty. Especially considering she was not in it.

This brings me to the present, where I sit here on her balcony ledge, waiting for when she would eventually come to sleep. Knowing her sleeping schedule would be of the utmost importance for this mission.

After what seemed like half and hour, the girl finally emerged from a door next to her desk which I assume is probably a bathroom. She has on a long silk pink nightgown and has a towel over her head. Even the women here take God damn forever to clean themselves. She eventually took the towel off and sat in her bed with a small book. The moon was just barely visible in the sky, but that and her small lamp gave just enough light to read her features. I would be a liar if I said she wasn't lovely. Though I did not feel attracted to her, I could still appreciate her soft features. The light was warm and made her slightly wet hair shine almost like gold. If only it truly were, I could sell it for a fortune after killing her. The only thing that came off as peculiar to me was her face.

It was stone cold.

So unlike her usual personality on the Rift, she seems almost like a different person. Her eyes would glance over the pages in her hands, but seem so lifeless. Such a stark contrast to nearly an hour or two ago at her dinner table. I thought to myself she must be feeling sick, for someone always so annoyingly perky couldn't be this down for no reason. After the time reached probably about 2 a.m, I see her finally place her book down on her nightstand, turn her lamp off, and tuck herself in.

I stayed for another hour to test a few things. Small taps on her window, then a single knock. It's just as I'd thought. She is a heavy sleeper.

Because she could be.

I envied that. Living in Noxus, you were always on your toes, even when asleep. A good nights rest never came easy. I had decided that this night had been successful, and to return home to record my information. Although one thing plagued my mind. The dark pathetic look of sadness on her face.

It made me...uneasy? No, it made me...

_Curious._


	3. Indecision

_A/N: Sweet Jesus it's happened, I got to chapter 3 and it didn't take me 3 years. Just FYI on a few things involving this chapter and all chapters in general:_

_ 1\. None of these are edited by an editor, I will often go and re-read them again and catch mistakes so bear with me. If you'd like to apply to be my beta by all means message me. _

_2\. This is based on old lore, however game mechanics/summoners rift lore new and old lore are slightly intertwined for certain reasons. _

_3\. I considered changing POV, but have decided to strictly stick to Talons POV. If anyone would like to see a different POV, detail it in a review._

_4\. Most of my chapters average around 1,500-1,800 words, they're usually rather short, but that's because I like to save some content for the next chapters, rather than cram a lot into one._

_Thank you all for the follows, and favorites!_

_Cover Image belongs to irahi on deviantart_

_All rights reserved to Riot Games and their ownership of these characters and lore_

* * *

**Lumen Crimseon**

**Chapter III | Indecision**

Curiosity is an extremely obnoxious emotion to have, honestly it is. Like how all I had wanted was a little background information on this little girl to make murdering her a little easier, but instead I find myself wondering how someone could be bipolar. It's not my job as a trained assassin to wonder or care about my victims, which makes this all the more irritating. For weeks I'd come and watch her in the darkness, each time it was the same. She'd always look so blank, it was mind boggling how someone could be so contrasting. I couldn't help but be curious, who wouldn't be realistically. Another reason why I felt reluctant to go about killing her just yet, was to see if maybe she knew anything about the General's whereabouts. The infiltration was so long ago however, I'd doubted he would be brought up in any conversation with the occasional visitor to her room, or even be on her mind really. The thought alone that she might have information both excited me and made me even more bloodthirsty. If she knew what happened to the General or had any part in it...

I would find special pleasure in the permanent end of her life.

At the League, I would actually start to see less of her. More summoners prefered a different variety of champions, that in which she did not fit into. Most of the time if she was lucky she'd be a support. It must really be pleasant to watch your skills go to waste as a mid lane mage on supporting pretentious marksmen. Although even I wouldn't get summoned as often, I never had to stoop to supporting. Not that there was anything wrong with supports, it simply was just not my personal style of play, I _liked_ to kill. Eventually I finally, after what was almost two to three weeks, found myself being summoned against the Crownguard daughter herself. Considering the limit on her abilities here on the Field, most chose me against her since it was fairly easy for me to counter her. That was probably what started this bloodlust; the fact I was such a good match-up against her I would almost always get chosen to fight her. However, after such a long time I almost felt... sentimental? Plus I'd get to endlessly murder her for 20 minutes, life was good.

After being sent to the field, getting my items and making my way to mid, I could see her a ways across from me. She gave a small wave and a smile, yelling out good luck as she normally did. Knowing how she would ultimately be at her home, I found this to be even more annoying, as if she were trying to deceive me. We both focused on farming creeps for a few minutes before I had at least three of my abilities at my disposal. The plan was the same each time I was against her: wait till I had my ultimate, activate my blink, silence her from behind, and proceed in letting my blades shadow assault her. If all things go as planned, first blood was easily under my belt, and the rest of the match would be rinse and repeat.

As my final ability was granted to me after another minute or two, I took my chance to strike.

At least I would have.

Somehow she had managed to get a light binding out before I had realized, in hindsight maybe my mind was too clouded... Stuck, I only had a few seconds before I could escape, but unless she was an idiot that wouldn't be happening. I saw her entangled light anomaly come towards me, 1 second... It was bad enough her light binding had also slightly damaged me, but I could not use my ultimate to escape, I felt my skin burst into flame under her ignite. Excruciating pain went through me, and just as the binding was about to break, I saw it. Just ahead, she rose up, lifting her staff in the air, and though my ears were ringing I could here her very distinct war cry as a beaming blast of light plowed through me.

I fell to the ground, and just before everything went black I looked up and saw her face.

Stone cold. Not a smile in sight.

Darkness.

_**First blood!**_

We won that match, but it was not easy. I had never realized how capable she could be with some leverage. I of course got kills on her, but I found myself more evenly matched, rather than just completely dominating in lane. I was... only _slightly_ impressed. The League had recently changed their policies on summonings, summoners no longer directly controlled champions, they mostly made bets on the champions they . Therefore these abilities, these mechanics, they were all her. When given the chance she wasn't that bad of a fighter.

She did surprise me.

•

Much later in the evening after the rest of my day spent at the League, I went to leave the Du Couteau home and make my way to watch the girl once more, when a figure stood in my way. "Talon... where do you think you're going," a seductive voice came from the darkness, as I saw her form slither out into appearance. "Cass, what are you doing awake, don't you need your beauty sleep," I mocked her. Although she was a sister to me, I did lose respect for her due to her falling into the clutches of such a curse due to betrayal. I can't say much about the betrayal itself for I am no better, but again there is a time and place for all things. "I don't need your ridicule sweetheart," she looked at me, her eyes half-lidded, "Katarina has been looking for you, she'd be here herself but she's on a mission, a mission she wanted _you_ to accompany her on." I inwardly cursed to myself while keeping my face straight to her. I had spent so much of my time on this "observation" that I was neglecting my duty to the Du Couteau's, whether I liked the missions or not. "Every night it's the same, you seem rather preoccupied as of late, hmm," she smirked at me, moving closer to my face.

She smelt of wine and heavy perfume, as if her scent was the only thing she had left going for her. Swaying back, a bit disgusted I replied, "I've been working on a personal assignment, however I will take some time away from it to see what Katarina needs my assistance with," in all actuality, I'd go tomorrow night and finish the job since Kat was normally gone for days on her own assignments. "Good boy, and if you don't mind me asking, what exactly have you been doing all this time? Don't tell me my sweet little Talon found himself a _girlfriend_," her eyes lit up and she smiled from ear to ear. Creepy to say the least. I backed away from her and turned back towards my room, "as if I have time for something as trivial as a relationship, my eyes and motivations are on one thing and one thing alone." She crossed her arms, placing one of her fingers on her lips dramatically, "Oh let me guess, finding father right? Talon, that man is a lot cause, isn't it time you moved on. Besides, your actions tell me otherwise, why be so secret about my own father to me?" She might have been a bitch, but she wasn't a fool. She gave one last smirk before gently waving goodnight and slithering off. I returned to my quarters and no matter how hard I tried to shake her words from my mind, I couldn't.

She was right, I was preoccupied. And it wasn't with finding the General.

I was ashamed.

I lied in bed, thinking about the past couple weeks. I had tried to justify my actions with the excuse that I was trying to find information on General Du Couteau, but that was a lie. I couldn't even hear the blonde talking through her balcony door, how was I so delusional. It was my curiosity. I wanted to know why, why was she the way she was, and this all started because her obnoxious personality made me bloody thirsty. I felt my arms start to tremble. I was so weak, what would the General think of me. All this time I knew, I knew I was weak. I couldn't function in my life without one man, my father. I was pathetic…

'_Talon, that man is a lost cause, isn't it time you moved on?'_

Cass was right, of course she was, anyone with a _brain_ could come up with that conclusion; me however, I just _couldn't_… I couldn't give up. I was obsessed, and that's how I spent most of my life. Obsessed with surviving, obsessed with killing. It was my fatal flaw, my dedication to what I did, was far too strong.

Just like I couldn't give up her, I was torn. Between my lust to kill and my want to know, it kept me from making a choice. And there was nothing I hated more than indecision.

I had to end this, I would not let this girl control me.


	4. Choice

_A/N: You know, I'd be lying if I said that google docs wasn't the reason im updating so fast, but for real. I just type up everything on my phone and wamo, never miss an idea. The accesibility is fantastic. So yeah literally all of this story was done on my phone, then revised on my computer._

Reply to my review:

_Chi's Creed: I am so glad you like the story and got so much out of it. You spot on got what I was trying to represent with Talon and his adoptive family and just wah. I'm so happy you like it and thank you for the review thank you so much!_

_ Again thank you all who favorite /follow/review_

_Cover Image belongs to irahi on deviantart_

_All rights reserved to Riot Games and their ownership of these characters and lore_

* * *

**Lumen Crimson **

**Chapter IV | Choice**

I couldn't bring myself to go the next day. I had told myself to make my choice, however I was still hesitant. As much as I tried to ignore it, to avoid it. I _wanted_ to know more about her, and that angered me beyond comprehension.

I didn't want to know, I didn't care! I just wanted her dead... but I did want to know.

I cared.

I...

I had to avoid her. There was no other way about this. I wanted her dead, but I could not bring myself to take her life with my mind as confused as it was. My curiosity, my disgusting want to know more about her, would cause me to hesitate. I would fail if I tried to ignore it. And then who would be the one to suffer... who would find the General then. I had decided I was better off abandoning my goal.

Weeks had gone by, and I had managed to put her to the back of my thoughts. Although my life had returned back to being once more mundane, I felt I was in control. I had to be, I had not hesitated, I had made my choice.

However this was a lie, and no amount of delusion made me think otherwise. I hated my one track mind, and my inability to sway myself from decisions. It made me so angry, so ungodly infuriated. I hated her.

_I hated her._

I needed to kill, my hands fell to my blade and I felt myself practically salivating. I needed to vent this anger on someone, anyone, anything. I needed to fill this empty feeling.

•

I'd be lying if I said the man's blood didn't look especially red and delicious, or how my blade easily sliced through him as I swiftly jumped him in a secluded part of the city; what I do know is that here in Noxus, murders happened all the time. This man was no one worth blinking an eye over. I knew his blood though, the blood he sacrificed for my thirst, it wouldn't be enough. I wanted her blood, such pure unobtainable- no I can't... but I did. I couldn't stop my thirst, I wanted her. I had to have her. I had to satisfy this thirst, or nothing would.

I needed to sleep.

It had been days since I had rested, my thoughts uneasy and my mind always busy with possibilities. Katarina eventually returned home, and I knew my behavior even concerned her. She brought me on a separate mission with her, I'm sure because she wanted me there in case anything got sticky, but also because she thought it would improve my emotions. She had an interesting way of showing she cared, but those affections did not change anything. As for Cassiopeia, her meddling in my business seemed a lot less motivated when her younger sister was not pestering her on my whereabouts. These murderous thoughts and feelings though were my own problem and even they knew they could not make it better. Katarina, although she tried, never could. She could never be her father.

After a good week of preoccupying myself with the red-heads tasks, and taking a leave from the League to gather my thoughts, I decided to return. I was afraid of seeing her, of these feelings coming back stronger. At least there I can murder her without repercussions, at least there I can slightly live through the fantasy I wanted. I didn't want to see her though, I didn't want to fight her. However sometimes things don't always work out as we hope.

I wanted to run away, to leave "someone switch lanes with me", how pathetic would that be. I looked at her from across mid lane darkly, watching her do her typical smile and wave. My body was trembling. What did I want. Why was this so hard for me to make a choice.

We began farming, we gained our abilities.

**_First blood!_**

Her blood dripped from my blade as I looked down at her limp body. I had ten seconds before she'd respawn... ten seconds. I repeatedly sliced through her, some of her blood splashing onto my face. I laughed to myself, this was what I wanted! I wanted to kill her, to watch as every last drop of crimson left her body due to the beautiful craftsmanship of my blades. Her body eventually faded and every evidence of it.

...

This wasn't what I wanted. I stood in lane, staring ahead as a few creep hit my legs. This wasn't what I wanted.

•

After weeks of indecision I gave in. My desire beat me. I found myself climbing the side of the Crownguard establishment once more. Excitement pounded my heart, I'd given up. My honor was stronger than my urge to kill, and when I had gained respect for her was beyond me. Maybe I knew, from the look on her face, from the refinement of her skill when serious. We weren't actually so different. I wanted to know more, I wanted to know why.

Unlike any of the other nights, her balcony door was open for a change. I had to be especially quiet if to avoid being seen. Standing on the outside edge closest to the wall, behind the coverage of some foliage on the deck, I peered inside her room. She was there, dressed in a soft white sleeping gown. Sitting at her desk, she was reading over a paper. Her face was stoic, just as always, until I noticed from my small view a change. Her lips upturned, and her brows furrowed a bit. I saw that she was biting back tears. She placed the paper on her desk, and cleared her throat.

Eventually she stood up and made her way outside. I ducked lower behind the plant, and little of her sight, peeking from between the balcony bars. This had been the first time I had seen her up close in this state. Her actual state.

She really was beautiful. Her hair and gown slightly blew with the light breeze, and she had a pair of small pearl earrings. Something she normally always had on, even on the rift. Her face had cleared up, but the somber emotion she had truly radiated off of her. I don't know what occurred to make her feel this way or what she read, but what I did know was that for once I didn't feel bloodlust, I felt... sympathetic. But why.

She was a Demacian! She had it made, her life was good! What reason did I have to feel sorry for her of all people.

I knew that statement was nonsense. Just because she seemed privileged from the outside, meant nothing to how she might feel on the inside. Anyone can put up a front. I knew this, I understood this. Maybe that is when I had grown to respect her. Because I knew all this time by this alone, this was all an act. All this time I would say she could have all these great things in her life because she was a Demacian, because she was a Crownguard. Now I knew without a doubt, without even a word, what the truth really was. She had to put up a facade of happiness, a lie, to show she wasn't selfish... because she was a Demacian, because she was a Crownguard. Because just as I had originally thought, why would someone who had so much have any reason to be unhappy. It was all so apparent. She was never free to do what she wanted, she was always bound to her duty. All this from observation.

I too was bounded to duty.

There was a large gust of wind, that in which made her decide to retreat to her bed to sleep. Before I had decided to leave, I noticed something small and shiny on the balcony floor. One of her pearl earrings had fallen out. I took it, maybe one day I could give it to her and say "I can see right through you, I know how you feel,"

That day came sooner than I had anticipated.


	5. Weight

_A/N: Hi again everyone and thank you so much for keeping up with my story, you have no idea how excited I am about writing this, it's almost hard to not just write one big huge thing but I am trying to pace myself and put out good content. This is in fact one of my longest chapters in this being a whopping 3,000+ almost 4,000 words compared to my 1,600+. So I hope you guys like it, I know there's a looooot of backstory added into what Talon does, but I am really trying to make his actions feel more real, like someone who does feel unsure about themselves, I just hope he doesn't come off as too wishy-washy to some of you._

_To my Reviews:_

_MrStabyB11: I am glad you like the way I portray Talon, I personally don't see him as simply just some bloodthirsty bad guy. I believe if he had been raised anywhere other than Noxus, he probably would have been a pretty good guy. The amount of honor and respect he has towards General Du Couteau is something I found to be very interesting, which is why I incorporate it a lot into my story. I might do Lux's POV, but idk about anytime within the next two chapters._

_Chi's Creed: I am actually very fast at doing things, but when I get stuck somewhere or I lose interest, it usually happens for loooong periods of time. I am trying to get as much into this story and keep myself interested so I don't disappoint people._

_Cover Image belongs to irahi on deviantart_

_All rights reserved to Riot Games and their ownership of these characters and lore_

* * *

**Lumen Crimseon**

**Chapter V | Weight**

Once you come to terms with your compulsions, I must say, the weight off your shoulders is significantly pleasant. I held the delicate pearl earring in my hand above me, my other arm crossed behind my head as I laid on my bed. After taking it home nights ago, I considered selling it. Besides being a murderer, I was also quite the thief back in my young teen days, and could tell a pretty penny apart from the trash. A small gold lacing around the backside, holding the lovely pastel pink hued bead, I knew it was legitimate. This single one probably worth a little more than 50 gold, with it's gold casing included. Considering its owner I did not find this to be surprisingly in the slightest. I could make some pocket money easily if I decided to sell it in Noxus's less than honorable market business; however I felt an attachment to the object. As if it were a memento of me throwing my hands, and saying "I don't give a rats ass anymore". Not that I really did care that much before considering my history, but this was different. I realized that my engrossed thoughts about this girl made me think less about the General and although it made me feel utterly pathetic, also queasy even admitting that, it was the truth. If I did not long to kill her any longer than what would I do with her then? I really had no interest in her otherwise, besides finding out more about her personality. I had barely even talked to the girl outside mocking her on the rift… so what was a man to do?

That was it. I had to talk to her. Easier said than done to say the least but not impossible. Especially considering my face is always shrouded on the field, she more than likely does not have clear cut knowledge on what I look like. I usually like to keep things this way for... privacy issues, and of course things would remain this way because the face she would see would not be my own. Yes… that was the best way I could go about this is. I'd need a new garb that wouldn't seem like something I'd obviously wear, and a new name to go by if I wanted to even think about stepping foot in Demacia openly.

•

General Du Couteau's room was something I always respected and never entered, however when I had reached the age of 16, he told me I could use his old clothes that he was no longer able to wear. To say I was honored was far beyond how I actually felt, I felt unworthy. Even though he had allowed me to do this, I could never bring myself to actually do it. My loyalty and respect did lie in him, however when he was around I did actually feel like my life was my own and wished to not rely on his hand me downs.

Obviously I learned that what I thought was not really true, for he really did have a firm grasp of my life, but that was something I never really made obvious to him nor did he, I feel, honestly try to do. It made me even more reluctant to use his clothes, considering he was no longer here, but I knew he had different sets of clothing from different areas of Valoran. Having a pair of clothes from Demacia at my disposal would be much easier to access here, then having to break into a shop in the city itself, or have to try to haggle with Noxian scum marketers to try to sell even parts of the clothes for under 1000 gold. I was reluctant, but my motive saw past that. Opening the creaking door into his dark room, it was clear it was not open too often. The Du Couteau family was one of the wealthier families here in Noxus, due to being at the hands of the government much to Katarina's dismay, so they did have maids that would come and clean their massive home. Their wealth though, did not mean that I myself wealthy. Where as the General was an adoptive father to me I did wish to be independent, to not solely rely on his assistance or his maids assistance. This made me think back to a time where my depression over the loss of his company did not exist, and I truly felt like I was a strong person. I knew it wasn't impossible to have a life like that back, but it was something I had to search for myself and a struggle I had to try to overcome. For as independent as I had tried to be, I was more dependent on the company of others than I had thought. I lit an old lamp in his room and turned to his chiffonier. Were my actions really going to help me, if I really wanted to become independent and live for myself, wasn't I going about this all wrong? No, for this was something I really wanted. I had not confided in this female about anything, and I had no plans on that changing. It was just simply my inquisitiveness that made me eager to talk to her, to get my answers and move on. If it was not a desire to kill her, it must simply be the want to understand her.

Opening up the cabinet, I looked inside to notice a very lackluster variety of Noxian clothing. "This can't be right," I outwardly said to myself. It didn't take me but a moment to realize though who I was dealing with here. Placing my hand behind the clothing, I felt around for anything until my hand slid over a small opening on the wooden back. Reaching my hand within it, I pressed down on the small lever that was hidden within it. Feeling the entire wardrobe shift, I stepped back to see it had now become movable, and that it was actually a door. The General was always a secretive man. Opening the now considerably light chiffonier, I walked down the small set of stairs and lit the first lamp that came into my view. It was a beautiful room, very well kept just as the upstairs, though obviously not touched by any of the maids probably ever. A simple study with slight clutter of papers and assortment of items strewn about. Around the rooms were models of all kinds of different outfits. From Piltover to Zaun, the man just about had anything you could imagine, and more than just one from any particular state. His favorites of course were on the models themselves and were generally very expensive and luxurious. Considering his taste, I don't think even his daughters would bat an eye at this. I looked around the room some more before looking for the Demacian garments. It was as if he left yesterday, with the state of the room. Having not been clean, it looked like his other study within the house that his daughters and I would come visit him within, albeit more dusty. It made me feel somber, but also nostalgic.

A bittersweet feeling.

I noticed on the desk in the center of the room a picture. It was of him and his wife, and his daughters when they were both so young. It made me smile, for I knew how much the General had loved his wife. Although I never had the chance to meet her, I knew she was one of the better people in Noxus. If only she had lived, maybe the two daughters would have grown better. I was about to turn away when I also noticed a much smaller picture next to the portrait of his family. It was of me, Katarina and Cass. I felt my chest tighten. I knew the General cared about his family, he may have been a man of war, but that didn't mean he was soulless. I knew he had cared about me.

I held the photograph in my hands, I had remembered that day. He had taken the three of us to Piltover to visit. One of the few cities that didn't have too much trouble with Noxus, therefore did not ban visitors from the faction to come; we were all so excited, and so young. The few times we weren't worried about killing or being a tool of war. Where we could be children, where we could be human.

I placed the photo back, and turned to the outfits. Now was not the time to reminisce about the past. The last thing I needed was the maids finding this place and trying to clean it. I'd rather it stay as it is. Scanning around, my eye caught the glimpse of gold in the far corner of the room, farthest from the door. The man may not have liked Demacia, but him and I were the same where we could agree that it was a beautiful place with beautiful things. And the General did love luxuries. I inspected all the clothing. They were all very extravagant, especially the piece on the model, as if it were meant for someone of high power in their government. I would not know if this were the case or not, for I knew the people of that city all had it pretty well off and that probably anyone could dress this nicely. I however was not particularly interested in wearing anything extremely flashy, and looked through the stacks behind it for any tamer pieces. The culture of Demacia was very… shiny, and generally always involved pieces of armor. It wasn't really my style, however that wasn't what I was trying to go for.

I found an outfit that seemed to suit me best. A dark skin tight jump suit, with added cuisse and grieves. The torso had no armor mind the pauldrons and a single breast plate with the demacian insignia. There was also a long dark blue cape, with golden trim and the center also including a golden Demacian symbol. It was still a little gaudy for my taste, but at least it wasn't too bad. I could bear with it. Grabbing that, and another random extra outfit, I was about to return the top when I took one last look at the center desk. Out of all the miscellaneous clutter on his desk and the pictures, something else stood out to me. It was a single sheet, a letter next to its envelope directly on the top of everything. I did not want to invade the Generals privacy, however if the letter had a clue as to where he had gone, or even maybe it was from him. How could I just ignore that? I took the letter in my open hand and read over it. It was old, years old, the paper felt fragile and the writing was very elegant. I knew just from that, that this was not from him and was probably something useless, but I went about reading it anyways.

_My dearest Marcus..._

Marcus? Was that the Generals first name? After all these years of being with him, his first name was actually never something I knew. I even wondered if his own daughters knew. It was a love letter, it was beautifully written and quite frankly very touching. You didn't have to be a genius to know who it came from. I'm sure Lady Du Couteau would write to her husband while he was away, they had a good relationship from as far as I knew. I do not wish to go into details on the letter, but it did make my heartache. The General must have been lonely after her death, even with his daughters and I. I knew the Lady of the house was also an impressive duelist, so I imagine his love for her came from his respect for her. Having to raise his daughters alone, yes with the help of maids, but without his wife. And also taking me in...

I'd decide in the city of Demacia I would go by Marcus, for that was a name I felt would give me the strength to be even half as great of a man as the General was. And to overcome my struggles.

•

The clothes were very odd, and quite frankly uncomfortable. Here in Noxus, wearing a lot of armor was a sign of weakness. That you were afraid your enemy would strike you first before you could strike them. I had obviously left my faction before changing. If had put on this dreadful outfit in my city, well I'd just be a walking target now wouldn't I. I left in the early morning and went to one of my hidden outposts. As an assassin I liked to have a place to stay when out on mission in places all over Valoran. Although they were more like bunkers than outpost, dug into the ground with hidden entrances. Within them were generally rations, usually from the city closest by, some extra clothes and blades from my own wares, and a small futon and mirror. Along with a small lantern, the outposts were always very small and cramped (having usually been dug out by me years ago, planning ahead for future missions) but were more comfortable for me then staying within the cities themselves. Even Piltover.

Once I had arrived there, the sky just barely starting to illuminate from the sun, I pushed aside some foliage I had used to cover the makeshift entrance, and stepped inside closing it above me. Inside, I lit the lantern and began to change. It took me probably a half an hour to figure how everything should be, before I finally thought it was set properly. I looked at myself in the small mirror there. The clothes were very bright and heavy, like the responsibility I imagine is somewhat forced on the Demacians. My face however seemed so out of place. My hair laid to the sides of my face, long and messy and my eyes seemed very tired. Nothing like a Demacian at all. It was almost embarrassing, how awkward I felt, I also had no hood to hide my face. The smalls scars I had were very visible and even with all this armor on, I felt vulnerable. I groaned to myself, "why am I even doing this...I feel like such a fool." I looked at myself again, was I really doing all of this for some girl? No, it was more than that. This was for myself, I had to keep reminding myself of this.

This was for me, completely. Not her.

After using some water, and small bit of beeswax I kept on me for use on my blades, I had slicked my hair back in hopes of having a more refined look. It worked to an extent, I still of course could not change my face. Being as content as I could be with my current appearance, I made my way to the city of justice.

•

Walking around broad daylight, within the midst of my enemies made me rather uneasy, but also made me feel rather proud. I was deceiving them right under their nose, and this in a sense pleased me. Today the League was closed for holiday, something I knew and planned around, so I knew the girl would be around here somewhere. Looking around the city, I passed by some interesting people. An old couple, children playing out in the streets, people laughing and cheering for what appeared to be over nothing. I really tried not to scowl, it was really irritating being around such happy-go-lucky people. Ignoring it as best as I could, I figured the best place I could look other than the girls home would most likely be a library, considering how much she clearly liked reading. Figuring I should use my incognito to my advantage, I walked up to a group of girls about the same age as the young Crownguard daughter to ask them for directions. I cleared my throat, "excuse me, ladies, by any chance could you direct me to the closest library? It's been quite awhile since I've been... home," I had to remember I was wearing Demacian clothing, it would seem strange if I didn't know my way around the city, maybe I should have worn the Piltovern garb. Although my question should have come off as odd, and I was suddenly a little worried I had already screwed up, the girls merely looked at me giggling before one finally responded. God these people were obnoxious. "Oh ah yes, there's one just down the corner, in fact I could walk you there if you'd like," one of the brunettes responded, reaching out and grabbing my arm. I instantly felt appalled and wanted to push her away, but making a scene was very low on my priority list so I just went with it, "uh… thanks." I squirmed a bit. I really hated being touched. Why couldn't she have just pointed or anything other than this, honestly.

Dragging me down the street, she asked me how long I had been gone for, I threw out 5 years for the hell of it, I'm sure something had to have changed in that time period. "Oh wow, you must be one of the kings soldiers with they way you're dressed then huh, how exciting. Not too much has changed in 5 years, but I can see how someone as busy as yourself might be a bit forgetful," thank god she was oblivious as hell. I merely gave off some half-assed chuckle to seem like I was interested when in all actuality I just** really** wanted her to let go of me. She went on explaining all the buildings and all the surroundings and I really just wanted to strangle her, I just wanted to go the damn library not take a tour of the whole damn city. Finally we arrived where she had the audacity to inform me this was the grand library, and therefore the only one in the whole god damn city, something I then could have just found myself. I looked at her darkly, once again thanking her for her "_assistance_" before trying to pry her hands off my arm. "Before you go, what's your name? I am Samantha," she looked at me with this shiny gleam in her eyes. Distastefully, I turned back to her, "It's Marcus, now I appreciate you taking your time to help me, but please let go of my arm." She let go of it quickly, laughing nervously and waving her hand around apologetically, although I couldn't really give a shit honestly I was just glad she let go of me. "Well Marcus, it was a pleasure to meet you, we should meet together again soon, I'd love to show you more of the city," she smiled. I really just wanted to be an ass and tell her to screw off, but for my sake I merely said maybe to hopefully get her to go away. Content with that answer, she ran off to where I assume her friends were.

Free of that nuisance, and cursing myself for putting myself through that, I walked into the library. The place was monstrous, and even that felt like an understatement. Not too many things make me feel tiny, other than my own occasional self-loathing, but my god this place was overwhelmingly huge. Two stories of books, scrolls, rune pages, even Piltover tablets, this place had a mass amount of content. I groaned to myself, at this rate it would take all day to look around this place, and it would be just my luck if she weren't even here. I walked in past the front desk around where a large fountain surrounded by flowers stood in the center. This place could also count as a garden with the amount of vegetation there was. It gave a very fresh feeling, but it still didn't make me feel any less uncomfortable. I grabbed my arms instinctively to make myself feel a little at ease, when someone tapped my shoulder. I turned to see who it was, praying to any god out there it wasn't that _Sarah_ chick, only to practically trip over my own feet. It was Lux.

"Hi there, are you lost? I saw you walk in and you've seemed kind of in a daze," she smiled her usual bright and cheesy smile, her blue eyes shining. I highly disliked this side of her, but I knew there was more than meets the eye, and therefore felt rather flustered. "I uh, yes sorry, it's been awhile since I've been home to here, Demacia. My home." God I was a damn fool, I don't think I've ever sound so mentally challenged in my whole life. I felt my cheeks heat up a bit. She started laughing, and although it typically made me want to kill her with how ear piercingly annoying it was, it sounded a lot more genuine and made me feel almost a little less idiotic. "Being gone awhile can make things a little rough on the memory, I am Luxanna by the way, but you can just call me Lux, everyone does. I am the library assistant" she stretched out her hand to me, her other hands holding some books. I almost wanted to pat myself on the shoulder for my prediction, but I was far too preoccupied to even think about that. I appreciated the fact she did not force her hands onto me, and took it and gently shook it, "I am Marcus, it's a pleasure to meet you.. Lux."

I had originally doubted this would work, that I would feel any differently but,

I was glad I had come.


	6. Radiance

_A/N: Hey guys, this update took a little longer because I wasn't sure if I was going to add more to it or not, I decided against it and left it as is. It is shorter than last chapter, but this is more of my average anyways, I just piled a lot more into that last chapter because I felt it was more appropriate that I do. Thank you all so much for your support you have no idea how much your feedback and your favorites/follows mean to me!_

_To my Reviews:_

_Flabberjiggles: I am glad to hear you like it! :)_

_Soviet72: Wow thank you so much for taking the time to write this. You have no idea how much this made my day aha, I am so glad you think my writing is so on par. I hope my future works [if any] impress you just as much. Also that anonymous comment came from a friend of mine who thought he was being funny, but I appreciate your advice none the less!_

_Cover Image belongs to irahi on deviantart_

_All rights reserved to Riot Games and their ownership of these characters and lore_

* * *

**Lumen Crimseon**

**Chapter VI | Radiance**

After our introductions, the blonde told me she could show me around the library if I was interested, and then maybe around the city considering how "long" it's been since I'd been home. Unlike with _Samone[?]_ I think it was, I didn't mind as much. Considering I had come to this place to talk to _her_ to begin with and she hadn't gone out of her at to invade my personal space, I was more or less relieved. At least some Demacians had a little respect when it came to not being all over people they just met. Besides, I'd only come to sate my curiosity, then leave and move on with my life.

Walking me around, she explained each part of the library, and where I could find certain things. "Oh and here is the nonfiction section, you know everyone seems to love fantasy stories but I've always found history to be so much more interesting," she smiled and looked through the pile, "this is a favorite of mine, it talks about the history of Valoran, and about times when all factions and states got along with each other. Even Noxus and Demacia." She smiled down at the thick book. I personally wasn't much of a recreational reader, but I did appreciate some literature. "It seems almost like it would be a fantasy, those two factions getting along," I stated as she placed the book back. "I don't think so, everyone likes to think Noxians are these horrible people, but honestly they're just different. And even then, we really aren't even as different as the two like to make themselves believe." I felt myself stiffen. It was almost like for a second she knew who I was, and that she was trying to talk to _Talon_.

"Maybe," I stated tautly. I wanted to try and stray away from the subject, considering it wasn't something I felt I could discuss with her. I assume she got this hint, probably believing I had a personal history with Noxus, which I imagine made things awkward. I wasn't trying to go out of my way to embarrass her, however I was trying to keep my home faction out of mind for the time bein.

"We should move on," she laughed nervously to herself, before continuing on.

•

The rest of the walk things felt kind of strenuous. She probably felt she had offended me, since I imagine talking even remotely highly about Noxus would probably be looked down on. I found it kind of interesting she even brought it up to someone she just met, I can't imagine that would have gone well if I were an actual Demacian official. She did always seem rather talkative, maybe she didn't always know when to keep her opinion to herself? Again, strange coming from someone as notorious as her, who's known not only for academics, but her social outings and parties she attends. One would assume with the brain on her shoulders and her appearance that she wouldn't really be considered "socially awkward", she didn't really have a reason to be; then again though even I should know by now that things aren't always as they seem.

I inspected my surroundings a bit; I wasn't really there for sightseeing, however I could appreciate how scenic the establishment was. We had moved from the lower floor up to the second, and the view was pretty fantastic. I kept these comments to myself and just looked ahead since voicing an opinion was typically not my thing. The entire second floor was made up of four different sections, all balconies with bridges connecting them from the sides. Plants grew from pots surrounding the edges and hung down toward the first floor. It was nice, I could see why people would want to spend their time here. From above, I could see a small cafe below to the far right corner where people would eat. With the water, plants, and occasional bird chipping that I swore I could hear, the place was like a small village.

The blonde stopped suddenly while we were walking, I found myself too preoccupied looking around to react fast enough and bumped into her. Instantly I jumped back, and she turned to me, "ah sorry about that, for stopping, I didn't mean to startle you. Say Marcus instead of me just showing you around, why don't you tell me what type of literature you like so I can just take you to the section," It took me a moment to remember that I was Marcus even though she was looking directly at me, and I realized what she was doing. Even with that smile plastered on her face, her eyes told a different story. She thought she had overstepped her boundaries, and was now going to leave me to my own business as she thought I was just here to browse the city and wanted to not offend me more. Now obviously I hadn't cared in the slightest about her comment, in fact I even some what agreed with it to an extent, but I couldn't admit that to her if I wanted to try to stay in character, especially since apparently my outfit made me a _kings soldier_.

"I like history like you, we could go back to that section, I had just thought you wanted to show me more of this place. It's been so long I hadn't really remembered it being this... grand," her eyes lit up a bit, as if that instantly improved her mood.

"Oh of course I mean," she laughed, "I can show you more! I really do love this place, it's more or less where I spend most of my free time. I also give tours to people visiting the city, you seem to be a special case though considering this is technically your _home_." She looked closer at me cocking her head jokingly, but didn't get anywhere close enough to bother me. It was a little weird, and I had hoped there wasn't suddenly something on me that caused her to recognize who I was (not like she would of course), but she just smiled again like she normally did and turned back to explaining the place.

Later on in the evening, the library was reaching its closing hours just a little after sundown, which was surprisingly early for such a place. "We stay open longer during exam weeks for the institutes so students can come and study, it was a policy implemented within the past couple years." The girl went on about a lot of things I quite frankly did not care about one bit, but for the sake of maybe getting her to talk more about herself and her interests, I listened. "I would have loved for this place to have been open late for exams back when I was attending the College of Magic, I was always the youngest in all of my classes, so I never really had much time to interact with my older classmates," she looked down, smiling solemnly, "I spent most of my time in my house…" She looked down for a moment before suddenly perking up, clapping her hands together and motioning for me to get ready to leave.

"It was a pleasure to get to show you around this place, to me it could be a city all on its own" she chuckled, "I didn't mean to take up so much of your time though, if you'd like you can come back tomorrow and take an actual tour of the city, I am sure there will be other tourist around too so it won't be so lonely for you." I looked at her, realizing that I thought so much more into all of this then she did, she saw this as her doing her job where as I…

What did I see this as?

"It's fine if it's just us, I am not really a fan of big crowds," whereas that statement wasn't actually completely a lie, the larger reason was she would probably not go to much into her personal information if other people were there as well. "Oh well alright, I'll see you tomorrow then, it really was a pleasure to meet you!"

•

Lux stayed behind to tidy up and close I imagine, as I went to leave the city. After returning to my outpost, I changed into some more comfortable clothes, and laid down on the futon. I had considered returning back to Noxus, but it would be an obnoxiously long trip back and forth if I was just returning back the next day, so I decided to just stay there the night. I blew out the lantern and closed my eyes.

I could hear the cicadas of the near by woods chirping, and found it to be rather soothing, it was nicer than the bustle and rather unpleasant noises that could often fill the air of Noxus at night. I felt myself grow weary, my lack of sleep would often hit me harder on certain days than others, and today I felt especially drowsy. It was probably the peaceful environment, I felt at ease, even though I was technically sleeping in a dirt hole. The city was nice as well, and although the people were pretty annoying, I suppose it wasn't too bad being around such positive attitudes… although I had to remember that for some people that positive mindset was a facade. Not everyone's smile radiated the truth.

Smiles… her smile.

She was quite pretty, and she even smiled at me. I didn't have to look at it from afar.

I wanted to slap myself for making such an utterly _creepy_ comment, but I was far too tired to care.

It was true, she made me feel rather comfortable, how that came about I have no idea, but it suddenly I just did. We spent the whole afternoon together and it felt like it went by in minutes. I needed to stop myself, this wasn't about her, it was about me. I just wanted information, maybe learn about the infiltration, find out something about the General if possible.

No… it wasn't about me.

I amaze myself by how I can lie even to my own damn conscious as much as I do to those around me. I just desired to get to talk to her, all this time it was never about me. This bloodlust that had started this, had turned into something else…

It was just lust. I lusted after her.

She was beautiful, kind and smart, and I wanted that. It was like a poison, something I desired so deeply it took me to this level of passion, and yet I knew I could never have her. I wasn't Marcus, I was Talon, the blades shadow! One of the most notorious, yet infamous assassins in all of Noxus. Feared, and sought out. And yet if you truly knew me, you would know I was not a strong man. I was a weak willed man, with compulsions I could not control. How do those actions warrant the respect of anyone. If she knew who I was really, she would never show me that smile again. After all the times I have slaughtered her on the rift and mocked her. I felt myself grow sad. Why, I don't' understand why I feel this way, or what even brought this about. I was acting like a young boy, so indecisive and idiotic. I wish I'd just grow up.

This yearning I felt for her, it was because I was lonely. That was it, that's all it had to be. Shameful. I was finding myself attracted to her because…

Because I respected her. Because she suffers too, and yet she is so much stronger than I am.

I let my faction allow me to loathe myself, to be okay with being negative. And although I was highly prideful of my skills in killing and stealing, my social skills lacked tremendously. She on the other hand, even if she felt the same, even if she loathed herself, she tries so hard to be positive, I could see it on her face. The night I saw her almost cry, even in the midst of her own company, she did not allow herself to be upset.

It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair to _her_… she should be able to cry, to be angry, to hate her surrounding for forcing her to be lonely. That's what I learned today.

That she was lonely too.

"_I would have loved for this place to have been open late for exams back when I was attending the College of Magic, I was always the youngest in all of my classes, so I never really had much time to interact with my older classmates..."_

That's why even she was slightly awkward in normal social interactions, she had no friends that she could confide in.

We were different, and yet so alike.

Both forced to grow up faster than we should have.

Her for her country, me to survive.

Two ends of a spectrum, with the same results.

I had wished to help her, maybe because I wished I could help myself. Maybe I could learn to be as strong as her. However even with all these thoughts, I found her still to be a mystery.

...

Usually when I slept, it was mostly nothing, but night was plagued.

I couldn't not get her off my mind.


	7. Thirst

_A/N: Hi-hi everyone! Okay so guilty me, this is probably my favorite chapter thus far. I don't know why I just found it to be incredibly entertaining. This one is also a bit longer than usual, but you know that's a-okay!_

_To my Reviews:_

_Jiyu: Thanks so much! That means a lot to me, I'm really happy you like it. :^)_

_Elle Alexandra: I'm glad you like it! I do in fact plan on writing more~_

_Cover Image belongs to irahi on deviantart_

_All rights reserved to Riot Games and their ownership of these characters and lore_

* * *

**Lumen Crimseon**

**Chapter VII | Thirst**

The next morning, I woke up and prepared to head out. I considered wearing the outfit I'd worn yesterday, yet decided that it probably wouldn't have seemed very cleanly, something that was not very _"Demacian-like"_.

I'll say, I did slightly regret not carefully inspecting the second outfit I grabbed. At the time, I must've been trying to leave the General's room as fast as possible. It was far more gaudier than the last outfit I had worn: the same dark blue skintight leotard, accompanied by more armor. How I hadn't noticed the weight difference was beyond my comprehension. Perhaps I was stronger than I let myself out to be. My mind was most likely not there at the time. I used a canteen of water I had kept to rinse my hair and face beforehand, then used the beeswax to slick my hair back once again. I should probably find a place to bathe later; narcissistic is the last thing I'd ever consider myself, I'm not Cassiopeia, but I do have proper hygiene. I can't imagine that I'd smell like lilacs and roses while under hot weather and such heavy clothing. Before I put the clothes on, I wiped myself with a damp rag. I didn't want to smell putrid in the meantime.

Thinking back on it, the girl herself had smelt nice. It was only from a distance, but close enough that when we walked the scent would blow past me. She smelt of honeysuckle and the faintest scent of white tea. She was like the walking embodiment of a calm summer day. It'd almost make you feel nostalgic.

It sickened me how much I desired her.

I had only gotten to talk to her for a couple of hours, and yet I felt myself practically swooning over her like a young school boy. It was such a deplorable emotion, and yet I could not help myself. I had done this to myself. A part of me wanted so strongly to just stick to my original motives and kill her like I had planned, just to avoid those feelings; things had unfortunately not gone to plan.

Glancing at myself in the small mirror, a disdainful look emanated through my features, highly pronouncing the small scar on the corner of my mouth. I thought back to the blonde and how cheerful she always was. I tried to smile hoping I'd come off remotely approachable.

I quickly put that behind me, for even I was alarmed by my unnatural appearance. I'd just try to stay indifferent.

•

Following my tracks from yesterday, minus the abhorrent touching and dragging around by some random female, I made my way back to the library without any issues. Walking into the building, I went to the front desk expecting to see her. Much to my displeasure, I was met with an older man.

"Good morning sir, you're up quite early. It's always nice to see people so interested in reading still." Why must every Demacian talk so much? It's as if they speak to fill the air. "How may I help you though, young man?" I was trying to avoid direct eye contact, but I knew that would probably be extremely inconsiderate considering he was clearly talking to me. "Ah I'm..." I didn't really want to say 'oh yeah I'm just here to see Lux', so of course, I made things increasingly more difficult for myself rather than just being honest.

Since, you know, honesty has never been a strong point of mine.

"I was just here to read up on some history. I do know where the section is, thank you. Have a good one." I walked away as quickly as I could. My social interactions were quite frankly the most embarrassing thing I had to deal with on a normal basis, which is why I try strongly to avoid them as much as I can. Not always possible, but usually I can manage. This whole scheme is definitely an experience I'd like to not have to repeat in the future. Reaching the upper left floor, I walked across one of the small bridges to get to the far back of the establishment. This was where the historical section was. Truth be told, it was the only section I could remember, and therefore was the only quick excuse I could come up with to get away.

Great, this would be a huge waste of time.

Walking over to one of the desks, I notice a small pile of books were left out, something I imagine is frowned upon. I did not find it to be my responsibility to clean them up, so I merely took a seat and looked through them. They were mostly time records, and what appeared to be standard text books, minus the one hidden beneath all of them. It was the book the girl had shown me before, about the history of Valoran. "I suppose she wouldn't be the only one who liked an encyclopedia," I whispered to myself. I still found it odd a girl as cute as her spent all her time reading up on politics, but then again...

Genius and happiness never seem to walk hand and hand.

"Marcus? Hey, it is you! Hey!" I heard a girl's voice come from behind me as quietly as it could, and was almost enthused until I turned around. "Oh, it's you. Uh... Savannah?" I felt incredibly awkward and was thinking of a way out. Unfortunately, I didn't have many options. She waved her hand like she typically did, which I found very distracting and annoying. "Ah, no, it's Samantha! It's nice to see you again. I was hoping I'd find you here." I almost wanted to groan about the fact I now apparently had a stalker, but that would be beyond hypocritical coming from the likes of me. I merely nodded at her before looking down at the book. Maybe if I didn't acknowledge her, she'd eventually just go away. I heard the chair next to me scoot back as she took a seat in it.

Looks like that wasn't happening.

"The History of Valoran huh? You're quite the scholar aren't you? I personally find the book to be god-awful boring, but I uh, know someone who enjoys it a lot." her voice sounded like she didn't really like whoever she was referring to, and yet she kept a smile on her face.

_Annoying._

If you dislike someone, make that obvious, like I currently was trying to get across.

"Anyways, I had a question for _yooou,_" she said in a very singsong tone. It only further irritated me. "I am having a gathering, or a party you could say, this upcoming Saturday. I'll be graduating secondary school, and I decided to celebrate!" Dear god, she was just a baby still.

Wait a second, wasn't the blonde the same age as this girl? I mean, obviously, she has already graduated from university. Yet, that didn't change how old she was. "How old are you," I asked kind of unconsciously and slightly cursed myself for talking without thinking. "Oh! I'm eighteen of course! Anyways, if you'd like to come you're more than welcome. Here," she pulled out an envelope from her side bag and placed it on the book I was using to avoid her. "I hope to see you there!" She finally stood up and trotted away.

I breathed out in relief, and looked at the paper in front of me. It had the name 'Marcus' written on it very ornately, the other face holding a wax seal with the Demacian insignia. I was about to try to sneak it into the book and walk away, when I caught the very light streak of gold through my peripheral vision. I subtly turned to look and saw Lux standing at the far end of the bridge, farthest away from me. She was conversing with _Syracuse_, who handed her an invitation as well. She smiled and they both parted ways, with her walking towards me; I felt my stomach twist. I began to look down.

"Marcus, is that you?" She leaned over the table when she noticed me there. I looked up at her faster than I had intended, and nearly scraped her nose with my own, I backed away just as quickly. "Hi." I must sound like a damned fool! God, it honestly was starting to hurt with how tight my whole body felt; the scent of honeysuckle began to tease me, letting my mind know she was near. "Oh, were you reading those? Those were mine, I was meaning to come back to them." she smiled, her light blue eyes shimmering a bit. I swallowed hard. "Sorry, I just, I came here because you told me… uh, because I wanted that tour of the city."

I hated myself. One of the moments I wished my social skills weren't that of a first grader. She giggled a bit and I felt myself get squeamish. "Of course. It's a good thing you reminded me of our deal, or I probably would have gone on about the books instead." She reached over, grabbed the large pile of books and began to walk away when I stood up and snatched them from her, rougher than I had intended. I looked down at her apologetically "Sorry… I didn't mean to be so rough... it's just that they are quite heavy books. let me help you." She looked taken aback, but laughed nervously before walking me to where each book went.

•

Having put the books away, followed by a set of stairs, we were getting ready to leave when a familiar face showed up. "Good morning, how are you on this fine Thursday?" the armored woman smiled at her, a large falcon like bird resting on her arm. "I am doing well Quinn, how about you and Valor?" The violet haired female smiled at her bird. "Ah, we're doing well, aren't we Valor?" The bird squawked a bit. "Who's your friend here, he doesn't look familiar..." she inspected my outfit. "Sergeant uniform, huh? Interesting…"

I felt rather idiotic for not realizing that these outfits were all probably different rankings, however that was something that could be explained another time. I was reluctant to respond considering Quinn and I have a bad relationship, her being one the main people trying to shut my business in assassinating down, but I stretched out my hand.

"I am Marcus, pleased to make your _acquaintance_." I looked at her sternly, trying to hide my disdain of being in her presence. She was an excellent fighter, but that did not change the fact that she did make me feel rather murderous. "The pleasure is mine," she shook my hand, her bird leaning over. I knew all about that falcon of hers. I avoided looking into its eyes; if Valor didn't like you, neither did Quinn. Being unable to judge me well, the bird turned away without any sort of reaction. The woman looked at it, and was satisfied with the lack of concern the animal showed. "Well, I hope to see you all around. I'd best get back to scouting, you all have a good day and stay safe." She left the library, waving goodbye.

"She's a nice lady, though I know a lot of people feel uneasy about her. It makes me feel bad for her. I'm trying to be someone she can lean on," the blonde stated as she checked herself out of the library. We walked outside.

"That's very chivalrous of you. I am sure she appreciates it," I didn't honestly care how Quinn of all people felt, however Lux's unrequited kindness was something I really did admire. Unlike that brunette from earlier, even when she felt uncomfortable around someone, her gentleness was still genuine. She rubbed her arms awkwardly and looked up at me. "Ah, I don't know about that, I just think everyone deserves a friend."

_'Except yourself, right?'_ She talked of people deserving friends, and yet she didn't really have any herself. Being kind to people, and actually have someone to be there for you, are completely different things. I would know…

"Maybe."

•

The city was something I could definitely admire more with her than with that other girl. She didn't touch me, and gave me rather brief descriptions on the surrounding places. An occasional airship would fly above, usually with patriotic flags behind them. The buildings were all towering, and the city itself was very clean. If I wasn't so against Demacia as a faction, I might have considered living here. She showed me the many stores that were around, and even the public bath house they had. I made a note to stop there tonight before heading back to Noxus. Many people would stop and say hello to her. She was of course, very well-known. I noticed, however, that it was normally older people who would take notice; people her age would often just ignore her, or even look irritated.

It made me angry.

What did she ever do to those punks to deserve their disrespect. If I _ever_ got my hands on one of them…

"Marcus, are you feeling alright," I looked over at her, concern washing over her features. "Yeah... I am fine, why do you ask?" She smiled slightly, "you suddenly had a very dark look on your face, like someone had done something to offend you." I felt embarrassed, was I really showing that much emotion? Talk about out of character. "I uh, was thinking about something my… sister had said to me a bit ago." I figured that'd be the best excuse to avoid explaining why I would be having murderous thoughts about secondary schoolers. "Oh. Well if you want to talk about it, I am here," she clasped her hands behind her back and leaned forward to look at my face as we continued walking down the street. This was not really something I wanted to discuss. I just wanted to make an excuse. However, I did think back to what Cass had told me the last time I was back at the Du Couteau manor, before I had left a couple days later...

_"Oh let me guess, finding father right? Talon, that man is a lost cause, isn't it time you moved on. Besides, your actions tell me otherwise, why be so secret about my own father to me?"_

Looks like Cass wasn't wrong, the Du Couteau sisters may have not always made the best decisions with their own lives, but they did tend to have good intuition. Maybe that was a woman thing. I wouldn't know, I never really had a mother figure, nor am I a female myself. My attraction to this girl, however, had started getting in the way of my original goals and responsibilities. That did make me frustrated. Three days I have been gone from the Du Couteau manor. It's not like I haven't been gone longer than this, but normally I would tell the girls before leaving if they were around.

I had not this time.

I doubted they were too concerned, but considering that they were like family to me, I did feel slightly guilty. "It's nothing really. She just gave me a hard time about something, it was just obnoxious." She poked my arm with her elbow playfully, which did in fact catch me off guard but did not fully disgust me. "Siblings tend to do that. I know my brother Garen can be a pain at times, however I spent so long away from him that I would much rather have him around than gone." That was right. When Garen had accepted being a soldier for his faction, he had left his family for years. The young sister hadn't even met him in person until last year from what I had read. I wanted to say that she was fortunate to at least have a sibling, but I realized that was selfish toward the Du Couteau sisters who had treated me like their own brother.

"You're right, I shouldn't take it to heart. I know even with her… _attitude_, she does care." Did she? Did they really care about me? I had spent so much time pitying myself on the fact I didn't have a real family, that I had not appreciated the family that was given to me. I felt myself grow uneasy. "Maybe we should stop here for today. The rest of the city is the same honestly, and I'd show you the government buildings, but I'm sure you know what they look like." I was relieved that she believed that, even with me screwing up with my clothing options. I didn't really feel much like talking anymore, and I presume it was also due to the unbearable thirst I felt drying the back of my throat. She must've taken note of me smacking my mouth a lot, much to my dismay, because she drew out a very dainty flask. "Don't worry, I'm only eighteen. I wouldn't be running around here with alcohol. It's water," she smirked, "you looked parched." I looked down at it reluctantly. "I promise it won't kill you, I'm not too germy." She giggled a bit. I felt my lips turn a bit and took it from it her hands and drank, the water felt fantastic and instantly refreshed me.

The faint taste of sweet lip balm that lingered on the tip was also rather pleasant.

"Thank you," I wiped the tip with my sleeve and handed it back to her. "It's no problem.. say Marcus, are you planning on going to Samantha's get together? I saw her hand you an invitation back at the library, I just hadn't realized it was you until I walked up," I watched her tug on the ends up her sleeves awkwardly. I really had no intentions on going at all, I actually forgot I had held onto the invitation, however if she was going it might be a great opportunity to talk to her more personally.

"Possibly, I'll see if I have time." Lux smiled and clapped her hands together excitingly. This was always something I found to be kind of stupid, but she did look rather cute…

I gave her a genuine smile too.

•

Later that evening I went to the public bathhouse like I had planned. The place was separated into two separate houses: one for females, and the other for males. I made my way into the male room, and was actually kind of astounded by the massive size of it. There were a few smaller tubs surrounding the area, some on higher ground, and one large one in the center where a lot of men were relaxing and talking to each other. I really did not want to socialize with anyone, especially in the nude, and questioned if this was a good idea. I did, however, want to clean up before heading home. I begrudgingly changed out of my clothes, wrapping myself with nothing but a towel. Finding a medium sized tub in the far corner, hidden from everyone and empty of people, I dipped in until my head was almost submerged. A guilty pleasure I had to admit, I did love taking baths. They were so warm and comforting, and generally washed away a lot of aches and pains I had from my constant combat. Although today's soreness was mostly just from walking around in the baking summer sun in heavy armor, it was still relaxing. Everything was just about perfect for once. Until, of course, I heard a splash next to me.

_'Why me.'_

My eyes shot open, and I looked to my right slightly horrified.

It was Garen Crownguard.

"Ah good evening man, lovely night huh," he rested his arms on the back of the tub. I felt physically repulsed and moved as far away from him in the tub as possible, which unfortunately wasn't much. He opened a single eye at me and started laughing. "What's wrong? I didn't mean to scare you. You were kinda relaxed, huh? Sorry about that, all the others were getting kinda packed. Besides, I like the privacy of this one more." _Privacy?_ Coming from the man sitting with another nude man in the back of a bathhouse? I was mortified. No one values privacy as much as I do, and I do not think highly of my body. Covered in scars, and hardly as ripped as the Crownguard son, I was built for silent killing, not bursting through titanium doors screaming and spinning. I blew bubbles from my mouth, and looked at him darkly. I had realized though that I was still in Demacia, and that my current attitude was far from appropriate. Lifting my head and shoulders out of the water slightly, I looked at him, "It's fine… I understand wanting privacy. It is a nice night." He laughed some more. What was with these people and laughing, why was everything so funny to them?! He reached his hand over and slapped me on the back, which I do admit hurt like a bitch with the added water. "I hear you brother. Your face is new, are you a traveler?" I looked at him, my back throbbing between gritted teeth. "You could say that…" He nodded his head. "Well, maybe we'll see each other around again."

I had hoped for his sake, we did not.


	8. Fatigue

_A/N: Hello hello again everyone. A few things I did want to note for this chapter, I had it edited by a friend of mine whose been looking over my stories before posting it ahead of time. Smart choice I know, but mostly because this was probably one of the hardest ones for me to write thus far. It's a bit filler-y and well I just feel like some things could come off as a tad confusing, so I hope I managed to flesh it out enough so that it was understandable._

_Also on another note I will post a reasonable **trigger warning: There is a slightly detailed murder in this, now it's not super gory or anything, but it is rather violent so I just wanted to let everyone know before hand in case that bothers readers.**_

_Anyways I hope you all enjoy, and if anyone has any questions they need to me to answer that's fine I know this particular one might have been kinda a miss, we'll see_

_ Thank you for all your reviews/favorite/follows they are all very much so appreciated!_

_To my Reviews:_

_Jiyu: Yeah Talon is a little goofy in this story, but I honestly feel like that's how he would actually be. That's a personal headcanon of mine that I know a lot of people might not agree with, but it's just how I look at things from a psychological point of view. I am glad you like the way he is though! :D_

_Elle Alexandra: Hahaha, yeah that part really made me giggle when writing it. Talon is so silly and bashful it makes me laugh, and I also wanted to try to represent Garen as a friendly guy, not some idiot. I don't know why he gets written like that a lot, doesn't really make sense to me. And you bet she needs to back up B)_

* * *

**Lumen Crimseon**

**Chapter VIII | Fatigue**

Noxus is an exponentially gloomier place than Demacia, and yet nothing felt better than being home. When I returned back to the Du Couteau manor, I made a beeline to my bedroom. Without even thinking or caring, I flopped down on my bed.

This was nice.

I typically travel places by foot, or by carriage if accessible. However, I took an airship to the Institute of War, going by carriage from there. I was, at the time, in a hurry to get to Demacia. This choice cut down more than half of the time it would have taken to reach the faction, seeing as it lies directly across the continent from Noxus. Now, calling Valoran a small continent is an understatement, so making a trip to Demacia from here would typically take 3-4 days by foot, maybe 1-2 days by carriage. Since the Institute of War is directly between the two, travel via airship takes about an hour, and the trip by carriage to Demacia would take about fours hours. This is also the same coming back. Taking a ship into Demacia itself would not be a good idea, because unlike Noxus, they typically ID you when you arrive. I also needed to change before entering the city, but after leaving Noxus. It would have been nice to have just taken an airship there from here, but as I am sure no one is unaware of...

The two factions are _far_ from being on friendly terms.

All in all, the trip was well planned and had been a success. I was back in my home before the early morning of Friday. I needed to report to the League later in the day, so getting sleep was high priority. I had changed from Demacian clothing back to my typical garbs before leaving my outpost. However, rather than changing into something more comfortable upon my return, I slid my luggage under my bed so that it would be out of sight. I promptly began to feel sleepy.

As always these days, my dreams were unnaturally tarnished with a certain blonde female. Although I had started caring a lot less about my attraction to her, it didn't change the fact that I both found it highly invasive and wished it did not exist. I still did not wish to like the girl as I did, or lust after her. However, I knew there was nothing that could be done about this. Even I knew that feelings and emotions weren't always controllable. I just wished I could at least think about other things.

I have never felt this way about anyone.

Even as a child, when I met the Du Couteau sisters, I never really felt attracted to either of them. To any woman, it simply was never something on my mind. I can admit that there were times where I thought a woman was beautiful, but that did not mean that I felt any sort of compulsion to advance after her. My compulsions tended to be mostly restricted to killing, which is why this was so bothersome. It simply drove me crazy. I wished not to kill the girl at all! I thought I did, I believed I had. Yet, I learned more about her. I, the stone hearted Talon, pitied a little girl. The only person my heart had ever went to was the General, and obviously that was merely out of the respect of his abilities. With her, it was so much more than that. I may not know her that well, on a personal level, but just from what I have…

She's so kind and gentle to those around her, so smart and full of knowledge. She's always so elegant with her appearance, natural and even a tactical mage on the battlefield…

So innocent…

I did eventually drift off.

_I dreamt of a woods, dark and foggy. _

_I dreamt of a doe, peering from side to side, going about it's day as it should._

_I dreamt of a wolf, stalking its prey…_

•

"Talon!" I woke up with a start, lying sideways on my bed as I had laid the night before. I could hear a knocking on my door. "What is it?" I groaned as I stood up, brushing myself off. "It's me, Katarina. Open your door before I break it." I heard her wrangling with the door knob. I swear, this woman had absolutely no patience. Wiping my face to try to waking myself a bit, I walked over to the door and unlocked it, having her practically fall onto me as she barged in as fast as she could. "What in Hell's name is your problem, Kat? What are you making such a fuss about this time?" I stepped back looking at her boredly. She straightened up, putting her hands on hips and eyeing me. "Where have you been for the past three days? You normally tell us when you go out somewhere. You know I don't like it when you hide things from us." I gave her a cynical scoff. "You're _joking_, right? Simply you must jest. Kat, this house is metaphorically built on lies and deception. Let us not fool ourselves. Besides, it's not as if you don't have secrets of your own." She looked at me, rolling her eyes a bit. "Whatever, Talon. Just answer me already, where have you been?" I looked past her out the door, avoiding her gaze. How could I tell her I was hanging out in Demacia? Coming from me, not only would the be horrendously alarming, she would also never let me hear the last of it.

"I went on a private mission. Like you do all the time. Tell me, Kat, where do you go all those times without so much as a whisper?" She leered at me, her mouth turning into a scowl. "That is none of your concern, and neither is it my sisters'... Fine, you make your point. I will not squander your privacy." She turned her back to me and began to walk out the door, stopping at the door frame. "Do know, Talon. We may not show it often but…" she stopped herself and looked down, "Just try to keep up with us. Even just me, if you can, alright? I do occasionally need another party to accompany me on missions, and lord knows I would rather die than invite Cass."

I grinned a bit, but quickly shook it off. "Understood. Was that all you needed?" She looked over her shoulder. "Yes... but there is one other thing. You might want to consider showering before going to the League. You smell fruity, it smells weird. You'd think you were a _Demacian_ or something..." her eyes slitted as she smirked, leaving the room and closing the door behind her.

I stood there for a moment before smelling the inside of my shirt.

What did that even _mean_.

•

Later on at the League, I had finished my final match for the day on a bad note. The match was winnable. However, for some reason or another, certain champions on my team had decided not to build correctly. A farce if I ever saw one, but not something I can personally control, nor something worth getting angry over. As I was preparing to leave the institute, slightly huffed, I noticed Katarina leaning on the side wall ahead of the entrance, subtly looking somewhere.

I didn't really care about what the Du Couteau sister did in her spare time, nor did I care about her and her private missions even when asking her mockingly, but I did find it peculiar that she was wasting it standing around in this godforsaken place. I walked behind a pillar in the grand hall as other champs walked out of the building. I peered from the side, trying to seem as little as possible like a snoop, not that I imagined any others cared all too much.

We were all quite the bizarre bunch.

I looked back at the redhead, she had her arms crossed and her head down, but her eyes were wondering. I looked in the direction she was looking and felt my throat go slightly dry.

She was looking at Garen, who was talking to someone from across the hall.

Why this was, I didn't know, but I also noticed just out of view behind the brute was his younger sister.

I felt my heart skip.

Stupid emotions. I hated this so much. I did not understand why I always felt so disgusting when I saw _her_. I stopped for a moment.

Was Katarina...

No. There's no way, Katarina and I are similar, why would...

We were similar.

I realized.

_'You might want to consider showering before going to the League. You smell fruity, it smells weird. You'd think you were a Demacian or something,'_

Why would she make a comment like that, unless she personally knew what it smelt like? I only knew what the younger sister smelt like because of our proximity. Wouldn't that be the same for her? I backed away from the column and decided to take the back exit. A lot of things suddenly made sense.

The smell, it came from the bathhouse last night, which meant she either had been there herself or knew someone personally who bathes there. All those secret missions she didn't tell us about, it was the exact thing I was doing. My eyes lidded.

She was sneaking around visiting the eldest Crownguard son.

I had no solid proof of this, but it sure did seem like this was the case. She did waste an awfully large amount of _my_ time complaining about the man.

Talk about ridiculous. What was it about those people that could draw me and Kat towards them? It wasn't my business who or what Katarina did...

I felt myself smirk deviously.

...especially considering in a sense _I_ was just as guilty.

I left the building, deciding I hadn't seen anything.

•

Back at the house, later in the evening, I was organizing the clothes I had taken to prepare to return them back to the General's room. Before getting ready to clean them, I felt around in the pockets and took out the invitation that one girl had given me the day before, slightly wrinkled.

"I had almost forgotten about this..." I spoke aloud as I inspected the envelope. I had put it in the back of my mind, mostly because if my ability to converse with random strangers was about as polished as an iron bar thrown into the Guardian's sea, then I was certainly _far_ from being a festive person. I really did not want to go, but I knew _she_ would be there.

And I did want to speak to her more.

I kept telling myself that I would eventually learn information that would cause me to instantly dislike her, and then I could finally get on with my life. Yet secretly, I hoped that never came to be. I don't know why I would want that. To like her more, and for her to like me back. It's not like we could…

What am I saying? I could never be with someone. Besides, I was a murderer, and she knew that.

She knew Talon was a murderer.

Marcus, on the other hand was just some stupidly socially awkward buffoon in whom she, for some reason or another, would give attention to.

"Oh..." that was when it suddenly dawned on me. I was another Quinn to her.

She was talking to me, because she felt _bad_ for me.

I felt my cheeks heat up. I did not like being pitied, and I certainly was not going to let this… this _little girl _look down on me!

I felt myself tremble, and looked down at my hands. How did I come off so pathetic?

I clenched my fists, how could she think she could get away with something like that, as if that were truly who I was. Marcus is a lie! He is not **me.**

How could I have thought so positively of her, when she thought so lowly of me all this time? I stood up, throwing the clothes on the ground.

I felt my body boiling, embarrassment and anger rushing through me.

I was bloodthirsty. It had been almost a week since I had last preyed on someone, and I felt myself withdrawing.

That child may not see what I am in the light of day, but I knew who I was.

I needed to prove my value to myself.

•

Walking down the dimly lit streets of Noxus' night alone was a dangerous feat. If you didn't know names or faces, you would probably find yourself against someone far stronger than yourself. I knew the name and face of anyone in this town who was even remotely threatening. As for the other way around, my identity was highly concealed by the Du Couteau family. Any random bystander would not be quite as lucky lacking such knowledge. I looked down, trying to keep my blood rage at ease, to cool off a bit.

The girl talked to me because she felt bad for me. Because she thought I just needed someone to talk with. There was nothing that made me more furious, than the thought of someone thinking to show me mercy! I stopped walking, and suddenly slammed my fist against a light post. It rang for a couple of seconds, and I could hear crows fly away in the back from the sudden noise.

"Goddammit." I whispered to myself. I was so blinded by her attitude to see what it really was. How could I degrade myself so much? How did I let her degrade me.

"What's your damage, hun," I looked up and saw a scantily clad woman walk around the corner of the street. "You feeling frustrated? I could help you out, for a price..." she smiled, her heavily caked on makeup creasing.

I looked at her a bit disgusted. She was very clearly a prostitute, not something abnormal to see around this time of night, I however never had a strong enough sexual desire to stoop this low.

However other desires of mine were far stronger than my want to be in the arms of some woman.

"Yes, actually. I think you can help me." I licked my lips and looked at her from under my hood.

The swiftness and sharpness of a blade is truly something to marvel at.

I held her neck in my hands as she held onto my arms. She was desperately gasping for air, a large gash in her shoulder. "P-please..." I hear her whimper. I smiled evilly, and was ready to slice and kill her.

I could see her eyes shining with tears, her blue eyes.

They weren't quite as bright as Lux's, nor as beautiful… but why was that something going through my mind at this current moment.

My eyes widened as I suddenly went back to all the times that I had killed her, all the times I mercilessly slaughtered her without remorse. I imagined this repulsive woman was her.

I dropped her, and stepped back.

I gritted my teeth and yelled to myself, the woman trying desperately to breathe and tend to her wound. I watched as she tried to crawl away.

"Oh, no you don't. **You will **_**not CONTROL ME**_!" I threw a blade at her, piercing through her back. She dropped limp, blood starting to slowly pool around her.

Normally this was a sight I took pleasure in, that satisfied my hunger to kill.

However I just felt sick.

I breathed heavily, shaken and upset. I looked and still saw _her_ there, lying there lifeless.

Lux...

This time she wouldn't fade.

I felt my eyes sting. I shook my head, looking down and seeing the woman as she was. I needed to leave. My scene would eventually draw people out, and I couldn't risk giving up my identity. Ripping my blade out of her and wiping it on her body, I quickly ran away.

•

I lied in my bed for awhile that night. Murdering was something that came easy to me, but that night I was startled. She was even getting in the way of my favorite past time. Maybe she would be better off dead... but just the thought of her dying, I even imagined someone else was her for God's sake! I couldn't handle it.

The death of something means nothing if that something has no value.

Her life meant so much to me, that it's even making me...

Hesitant to kill.

I rubbed my hands on my face frustratingly, then looked over on my nightstand where that _Sally_ girl's invitation was. I grabbed it and opened it.

As reluctant as I was about returning to Demacia, I knew I needed to do this. I looked over to see the young Crownguard's pearl earring on the stand as well.

I needed to be honest to myself, for once. I almost wished I could ask Katarina how she handled all of this, but I knew she'd rather kill me then admit she was seeing Garen.

I felt compelled to prove to that girl that I didn't need her sympathy.

That I was my own person.


	9. Disgust

_A/N: INB4 ANOTHER REALLY LONG AUTHORS NOTE. _

_Hoh boy guys, so I am pretty excited/nervous about this chapter. I know I've had a lot of build up to it, and I want to say a few things before hand that I think are important to state._

_1\. This is the longest chapter yet being a total of 16 pages, 6,000+ words long_

_2\. Another **trigger warning: this chapter does have attempted rape and violence**, people are pretty shitty and I'm shitty because I love justice way too much especially when it's creepy people getting what they deserve ehehe_

_3\. I feel like the tone of this chapter is slightly different from the others, and I am sure when you read it, you'll see that as well. I wanted to finally make Talon stop acting like such a wishy-washy bitch, and it turn I feel like that does kinda change his personality a bit. He will come off a bit softer in some parts, do realize this isn't me accidentally writing him out of character, as much as it is me trying to help him have some character development. No spoiler tho~_

_I hope this chapter isn't a turn off for anyone. It is a bit nerve wrecking and although I did put a loooot of time into it to make it all sound right, I don't really know how well people will respond to it. Just know I appreciate everyone who takes the time to read it and favorite. _

_Thank you all so much for supporting me, it honestly means the world to me._

_Thank you also to my editor, a friend of mine who is patient enough to read and enjoy my stories. I really appreciate you doing this for me!_

_To my Reviews:_

_davda: I'm so glad you like it! I hope future chapters won't disappoint!_

_MrStabyB11: I do a lot of research into Talons behaviour both in game and in lore, to try to make sure he stays true to character as much as I humanly can. Thank you for following my story so actively!_

_Elle Alexandra: I hope the newest chapter doesn't disappoint!_

_Cover Image belongs to irahi on deviantart_

_All rights reserved to Riot Games and their ownership of these characters and lore_

* * *

**Lumen Crimseaon IX**

**Chapter IX | Disgust**

Sometimes, I wondered if there was a God out there for me to follow. The thought surfaced in my mind again, as I was going to need all the help I could get to make it through this day. I woke around noon, the most appropriate time for my sleep during the weekend, as it was the League's form of "time off". I usually spent most of my nights violently murdering people for leisure, or drinking myself sick with the pity I had for having nothing better to do with my life. Obviously, I spent the previous night doing the former. Yet, unlike most nights, it left a bad taste on my tongue. Thankfully, my eve was mostly dreamless. It was the best thing I could have asked for, honestly.

After last night's events, I couldn't have even imagined what my head would have had in store for me, had it not been dreamless.

Getting up, I made my way to my bathroom while stripping off my clothing, still dressed from yesterday. Normally, I would avoid making eye contact with myself in the mirror if I didn't have to. This time, I decided to give myself a bit of a pep talk…

"You're a goddamn idiot for going through with this, I hope you know that."

This was going swimmingly. I couldn't even look at my own reflection without talking down on my social choices. I looked down at the sink, frowning to myself. What other choice did I have, though! This was a perfect opportunity, and I couldn't just sit back and let my own inept social nature prevent me from taking the bull by the horns. Breathing in, I looked up at myself once more. I needed to be more positive about this, although, being positive wasn't something that came easy to me.

"Just think about things that please you…"

I closed my eyes again, and recollected everything that brought me content.

_Killing_

Okay, well, maybe I should think of something a little less morbid…

_Sharpening my blades_

That is nice. I do enjoy that, yes…

_My hood_

It did give me a sense of security…

_Her smile…_

My eyes shot open, my head having practically hit the mirror. I mean, her smile is not like… it's not a bad smile. It's really lovely, and gives me a warm feeling. Especially when directed at me.

I looked at myself dreadfully. I wasn't really used to _that_ type of positivity.

This mushy numb feeling I get when I imagine her face, or her light hearted laugh, was extremely repugnant. I don't ever feel this way about anyone. How do I even handle such an emotion?

Maybe I was better off asking someone for their opinion, for this was far beyond my own comprehension. I also needed to prepare for tonight…

I decided on something tremendously out of character for myself. Quite frankly, it was something that could mirror some exceedingly regrettable choices; the time I used something other than my custom honing wheel to sharpen my blades came to mind, and by the Gods, that outcome was _disastrous…_

I went to Cassiopeia for advice.

•

After bathing and redressing myself, I made my way through the Du Couteau house until I found her bedroom door.

I hesitated before knocking.

I knew this was a terrible idea. Yet, asking Katarina was out of the question. Cass was the only other person I could divulge to, even minorly.

Even now, I didn't feel like I knew Cassiopeia all too well. I scarcely ever trusted her with any private information. She'd occasionally make small talk with me, since she rarely left the house anymore, and Katarina did not like her sister enough to tolerate her conversations. Even so, I did not look to her as much of a friend, but she was technically the only person I'd talk to that wasn't about murder.

I would just forego the details within this issue, is all. As children, she always did like to play with my hair... I'll ask if she can fix my hair for an outing, and subtly ask her questions.

Even so, no matter how I looked at it, this seemed so completely un… well, _me_. To add, I knew Cass wasn't a fool.

I sighed heavily before finally knocking. I'd rather have some answers for dealing with this. Her childish ridicule, I could worry about later.

I heard her bid me entrance from within. I opened the door.

Cass's room was of course, extremely luxurious; compared to Katarina's and my own, you'd almost think they weren't within the same house. She was always the more greedy one of the two sisters, although this greed _did_ cost her her good looks. Yet, as I've stated and will forever state, that is none of my business.

"Oh? _Talon_, my, what brings you here. I seldom ever see you around. Especially as of late, less in my room. What can I do for you today, my _little brother_." She knew I hated it, when she called me that. I rolled my eyes and looked at her, arms crossed as she sat on her bed filing her claws.

"I needed a favor, Cass. Do you think you could assist me with something? I am sure it would suit your interests..." She got off her golden silk comforter, slithering towards me. "Is that so, hmm? How could I say no?" She smiled deviously, her tongue slithering out a bit. A feat I knew she despised. "I uh.." I felt myself suddenly grow weary, falling into a state of mind I rarely felt around the two. Minus, maybe, a slight distrust.

A distrust I did in fact feel was self-explanatory.

I did not know if I could go about this discussion without coming off as a twit, but I knew I had to try.

"I need to go somewhere tonight. Since I know how much you like fashion and all," I said as I inspected her snake form with heavy skepticism, "I figured maybe you could do my, ah, hair for me. I'd like to look a little presentable for once." She had a slightly glazed look on her face until it suddenly lit up. "My little baby Talon wants me to do his hair for him? Well, there is a sight I don't think anyone would have ever seen coming." She gave out a cackle. My cheeks slightly flared, but I cleared my throat to keep composure. "If you're not interested, I will do it myself. I just figured it might be something you'd prefer to do. I am not exactly the epitome of fashion." I turned to leave, when I felt her wrap her tail around my legs.

I must admit, it was a nauseating feeling. I have made that quite apparent to her in the past, since she knew I didn't like to be touched; Cass really wasn't one to give a damn about personal space. "Worry not, I am merely poking fun. Lighten up a bit, would you?" She placed her hand on her chin, and observed my hair. "Well, I don't see why I couldn't do it for you. Were you looking for a french twist? Maybe an ever so lovely updo?" I watched as she patted her headdress mockingly. "Cass, you know I don't know what the bloody hell those are. Just give me a normal hair style, dammit." I felt myself get irritated, slightly relieving my previous embarrassment.

Maybe she had done that purposely.

She laughed to herself and led me inside.

•

I never really used to mind when the elder sister messed with my hair, although I did feel she could be a bit rough at times. Pain was something I was used to by now. However, having my hair tugged from every angle caused me to grit my teeth a bit. "So then, where exactly are you going tonight? Not like you to go to any social outings, and it is especially unlike me to not get invited as well." She put a single hand on her head dramatically, and looked down at me for a reaction. I merely looked at her plainly. "I swear, you are about as fun to talk with as my sister. That, is about the same as talking to a wall." She continued to rip at my scalp with her brush.

"I don't remember you always being so fun and games, Cass. I take it that all your time spent locked away in this room has you a bit stir crazy?" She tugged extra hard that time, and even I knew that wasn't an accident. "Watch yourself T, or you'll leave here bald." She hissed before continuing on normally. "Anyways," I snarled to her, my head slightly aching, "it's none of your concern where I spend my nights. I merely needed to look less murderous, was all." She looked down at me skeptically.

"The great Talon, not looking like he wanted to rip your throat out? Dastardly. Whatever you say though, dear." She took some of her personal hair product, which I imagine doesn't get much use these days, and began to apply it to my head.

I looked at the vanity table in front of me thoughtfully.

"I did have something I was curious about..." I began to speak, and I felt my lungs grow heavy. This was something huge for me to admit, to anyone. I didn't really know if she was the right person to be telling this to…

"Yes?" I looked up at her slightly, embarrassment surely shadowing my features.

"Have you ever... had a kind of disgusting, nauseating feeling around someone of the opposite gender? One that is both a pleasant feeling, but also extremely unwanted, unwarranted?"

She stopped for a moment before looking at me through the mirror in front of us.

"What in God's name are you spewing, boy?" her face became slightly annoyed. I cursed myself inwardly.

"I mean, like..." I sighed. "When you feel attracted to someone, and you don't really know why… Well, I mean, you do but it's… not something you really want," she looked down at me this time, as she continued properly slicking back my hair.

"Well, to me, it sounds like what you're trying to say is that you're in love with someone." She declared, a smirk plastered on her face.

I felt my heart sink.

God, there was no way. I barely even knew the girl…

"You however, Talon, you're not a very… how do I say this kindly? You're an atrociously evil person, who kills people for a living. Love isn't really in your dictionary."

I gave her a piercing look.

"You look at me as if I am wrong." She smiled victoriously as I let my shoulders shrug.

"I suppose you are right… Then, what you originally said can't be possible. It must just be a lust sort of thing? I really don't find myself to be a very sexual person however…" I heard her practically choke on her own throat. "Dear god. I don't need to hear about you and your sexual desires, please. No visuals." She groaned a little, rubbing her temples. I growled, "That's not what I meant, dammit. I meant more like... there's no way that I could be in love with someone? I am not capable of such a thing." I looked down at my hands, and felt her hands rub up against my head again.

"Everyone is capable of loving, Talon. For some, it is just harder to understand. You may do evil things. Hell, here, we all do. I am no different…" I heard her voice go distant for a moment before she recomposed herself. "But, that doesn't make you evil. Your environment formed you. You commit sins because you grew in a life full of evil, and had to adapt to survive."

I looked up at her in the mirror, and saw she had a rueful look on her face. I knew she felt remorseful. However, I could never tell if it was because of what she did, or if it was because of what she lost.

Honestly, I felt like it was a bit of both.

"You don't think I'm evil, huh… you know, I killed a prostitute in cold blood last night." She hit me on the head with her brush playfully. "Now see, Talon, that type of behaviour sure won't attract any ladies. Especially the special lady in whom has captured your heart." I scratched the back of my neck awkwardly. This hadn't gone as badly as I had assumed it would, but it was still weird for me to talk about this openly to someone.

Or, to just actually talk openly about anything, really.

"So... you actually think I am capable of loving someone?" She glared at me, her lips thinning annoyingly.

"You tell me Talon. You loved our father, did you not?"

I felt myself glower.

"I respected him, I did not love him." I found it rather bothersome that she even thought those two things were the same.

"Talon, I was with you since we were children. Although I could be a bratty child… let's just say much has changed. Before you try to go and be a smart ass..." My lips turned a bit. "I know love when I see it. You looked at him as a father, just as much as he looked at you as a son. Love goes farther past just physical attraction or sexual desires. Besides, I'm sure you know all about how my father felt about our mother."

That was right…

General Du Couteau fell in love with his wife, not just because of her beauty, but mostly because of her strength and her grace.

He fell in love with her because of how much he respected her.

"I understand what you mean." Was it the same for me? Had I really fallen in love with this girl, because of my respect for her struggle? I still felt that "love" was a bit out there, but if that was where this was taking me...

Was this something I should consider pursuing?

"What should I… do then?" My voice sounded a bit shaky. Troubling, but out of my control by this point.

"I would say, do whatever your heart tells you to do. However, that might be the worst advice anyone could honestly give. Besides, knowing you... you probably have absolutely no idea what your heart wants." I crossed my arms, looking to the side.

"You know me well. It almost scares me. Should I be worried?" She smiled, one that was seemingly genuine. "Maybe... my advice to you, little brother, is that your life is full of nothing but death and deception. Why not try being honest to yourself, for once? Try to actually live. We, as a family, have always left this option open to you."

She was right. I spent all these nights selfishly going out and killing, never to realize that their control on the city is what made it so I would never get caught.

I suppose I never saw it that way.

"Thanks... Cass."

"You are welcome."

•

A little later on in the afternoon, I practically pried the sister off me to keep her from going overboard on cosmetics. I had left the house around two, carrying a decently sized bag, filled with my clothing for that evening. I donned my typical garb. Cassiopeia had done a good job on my hair. It was slicked back like I had usually made it when going incognito, yet not quite as stiff or messy. Beeswax was a wonderful product, but when it came to hair, it didn't work quite as well as actual hair product. I boarded the next ship to the institute, keeping my head down.

The League was sometimes opened as a museum while not being a massive arena of death, which was why the ships still ran even when matches weren't going on.

I eventually made it to my outpost around seven-twenty in the evening, and changed into my Demacian attire. I had picked out one of the more flashy outfits, to my dismay. Still, I felt it was appropriate for the occasion. It was not coated with armor, yet it had its fair share of gold and blue trimming, with the iconic cape to match. It was simpler than the outfits I'd worn in the past week, and yet I felt that it stuck out the most.

At least it was comfortable. If I was going to be put through this night, at least I'd do it in comfort.

The celebration had started at seven in the evening, or so the invitation said, but I had no interest in showing up early. No need to draw unnecessary attention to myself. After looking and asking around a bit, I finally made it to that girls house around eight-thirty.

"You'd think they'd of made these streets with a shroud, with how bloody hard they were to locate," I grumbled discontentedly as I shoved the invitation into my pocket, approaching the front door. Just from the front, it was apparent there was a party going on. Assuming by how rowdy the entire establishment seemed, with the blaring music, I couldn't imagine it was being supervised.

Lucky for them, the house was located a bit off from the city, in one of the more private civilian sections. Here, the houses were extremely spaced out. So, I can't imagine anyone really making a complaint about the noise.

Walking past a few kids standing outside, I made my way through the door. The place was absolutely packed with people, and I felt my heart go to my throat. "Some get together this is," I choked out under my breath. Truth be told, I had never attended a party in my life. However, this was not how I had imagined them. Besides, feeling incredibly claustrophobic, I also felt rather ridiculous.

I was a twenty-two year old man, hanging out with a bunch of teenagers.

I pivoted on my heel, and began to walk right back out the door when someone grabbed me by the shoulder. I was dragged back in.

"Marcus! Oh my god I'm so glad you could come, I was _really_ hoping you'd make it!"

_Kill me._

I turned to the brown eyed brunette distastefully. I pulled out my invitation, handing it to her. She did her stupid arm thing before yelling over the music. "No need, you can keep it," she smiled. I really wanted to go outside. Yet, she ended up dragging me in farther. She showed me around everywhere, like she did the god-damn day I first met her. That really did not improve the situation at all. The house was extremely humid, people were continuously bumping into each other, and it reeked of disgusting odors. Most important of all though, it wreaked of alcohol.

And here I thought the people of Demacia were supposed to be outstanding citizens. I suppose teenagers are always the same no matter where they come from.

She led me up to the second floor of her home, keeping an iron grip on my arm. It wouldn't really be too difficult to make her let go, but I didn't really have anything that was shrouding my face. As usual, I also did not need to draw attention to myself.

"You know I mean this...as respectfully as I can, when I say I'd much rather you let go of me," I seethed to her as we trekked down a long hall. Eventually, we came into a room in which she shoved me in, and closed the door behind her.

"Is this something that normally happens… at parties? I haven't really been to any recently..." I looked down at her as she approached me slowly. I wasn't even remotely daunted by the girl, but I did find her behavior rather odd. That was until her face was within nose length of mine.

I could smell it, the alcohol wafting from her breath.

"Christ, you're totaled, aren't you?" I backed away a bit, turning my head in disgust. "What is it that you want? Why did you bring me in here?" She stepped forward toward me again.

"I like you Marcus. I know we don't know much about each other, but I like you. You're an older dignified man, much better than the boys around here. You remind me of my father... They'll always find a way to break your heart," I saw her start to tear up, and I just really wanted to leave. "He never did." This was incredibly uncomfortable; the desire to leave this room burned more than the desire to not hear her speak. "Well, that is a shame. That they do that, isn't it... I'm sure you'll find a nice person… someday… like your father." God this was unpleasant. I awkwardly patted her shoulder to try to seem like I gave a damn so she'd shut up, and her hand flew to grab my wrist. She leaned into my face.

"I've always wanted to be with an older man like you. Won't you show me what it's like? S-someone as handsome and... as honorable as you. I'm sure you know how to treat a woman." She stuttered a bit on her words before trying to kiss me. I shoved her away, causing her to almost trip and fall back.

"What the hell was that for?!" she yelled. I could hear the muffled music in the background. Obviously no one could hear us from here. Great.

"You're piss drunk. You don't know what you want, nor do you even know what you're doing. I have no interest in you... I'm sorry. I don't like little girls." I found that statement to be slightly hypocritical, but not completely wrong. I looked at the Crownguard daughter as more of a dignified woman… a trait that changed recently. I saw the brunette's face flare up angrily. "How _dare you_! Men would give _anything_ to spend a night with someone like me! And to think I even invited you, I thought you'd at least have a little bit of nerve in you_."_

I scowled, holding my hands out defensively "If that is the case, go find one who actually wants to be with you. I find no fortitude in lying with some kid."

She stood up and began to approach me, very clearly with dark intents. "I will tell everyone you _raped_ me if you do not do what I ask." I saw a devious smile on her face.

I struck her.

She fell to the ground and looked up horrified.

"Go ahead, brat. I can do _far_ worse things than rape you, if you'd like." I towered over her.

She had let Talon come out, and here in the silence of this room I would act how I wished.

"I'd suggest you shut your mouth, and learn some respect for those older than yourself. You won't get anything genuine from threatening people." I looked down darkly.

She was about to speak again, when I quickly grabbed and turned her, hitting her on the back of the neck. She fell unconscious.

What a shameful display. From a girl just reaching adulthood, of all things. Were all girls her age so sexually frustrated, that they had to threaten people to get what they desired? I grew concerned, I doubted _she_ was like that. Then again, I still didn't know much about her.

That brought me back to the main reason I had come there, to begin with. I decided against murdering the girl, especially considering I only had one concealed blade on me. To add, it wouldn't be very subtle if she was found dead in her room after people saw her dragging me around. I'm sure they saw at least that much, not that they could hear anything. I pulled her by the shoulders onto the bed, covering her, before leaving the room.

•

Walking down stairs, someone who had seen me walk with her stopped me. "Hey man, do you know where Samantha is?" He yelled over the sounds. I looked at him plainly. "She said she wasn't feeling good, so she went to lie down." Nodding his head understandingly, he walked away from me. It was almost a bit depressing that she felt so compelled to do what she did. Honestly. I had wondered if I could not control my compulsions, would I have been the same?

I guess technically I was. I was a murderer.

There were so many people I had lost track of. Which direction was the front, and which direction was the back of the house? I eventually found an exit. However, it led to the back, where a very extravagant pool was located. There were a few people playing in it, but mostly people were standing around it socializing, or sitting with their feet dipped. From across the pool I saw her.

_Lux..._

She was sitting on the edge of the pool, messing with the hem of her dress, alone. A lot of people, like myself, were dressed in typical Demacian garments. Some on the other hand, were dressed much more casually. Lux and that _Samthan_ girl being two examples. Unlike the female that had tried to assault me, who was wearing very scantily clad clothing, the blonde was wearing something much classier.

It was a thigh-long light blue dress, with flower prints. Parts of the dress were flowing down toward her feet and touching the water. The collar of the dress went up to about mid chest, making it very modest.

It suited her.

I was about to walk to the other side to where she was, when I had caught wind of her name within some of the surrounding conversations.

"_Have you talked to that girl Lux at all? You know, that blonde girl sitting over there?"_

"_She's kind of weird from what I've heard. I don't really know why she always gets invited to these things."_

"_It's because of her family name, from what I know. More or less, the people who host these parties feel pressured to invite her."_

"_That's really shitty." _

I heard them laugh to themselves.

What was she even doing wrong? What warranted those types of comments? She was literally just sitting there, for Godsake! I frowned, and was about to continue walking when something else caught my attention.

"_I heard she's dating Ezreal. You know, that cute blonde boy from Piltover? He's quite the explorer from what I've heard. I watch him at the League occasionally."_

"_How'd she manage to catch a guy like that? I mean sure, he may not be the most handsome guy around, but he could definitely do better than her."_

Another girl chimed in.

"_I heard they broke up a couple weeks ago, heard he left her for someone else because he found her to be too boring."_

They all started giggling.

I felt unsettled.

It was that night she read the letter. It probably came from that idiotic little marksman. To not even do such an act in person. That was why she almost cried. I felt myself grow agitated. I don't know why it bothered me so much, it just did. The world may be an unfair and cruel place, but she did not deserve this ridicule…

"_Oh hey look at that, isn't that Tavin?"_

I felt myself look around nervously, thinking I heard my name only to realize it was a different person. I looked over at her direction subtly, and saw that she had stood up and was now conversing with some random guy.

"_Hah. Kudos to her, that boy is thirstier than a fish left to dry in the Shurima desert."_

I felt myself tightened.

I watched from afar as the boy offered her a drink. She politely declined, but he tried to push her to follow him. Clearly not wanting to be rude, she walked beside him in the direction he steered her in.

Feeling my feet move without thinking, I followed far behind them.

I watched as he led her to a more secluded area on the side of the house. I felt my heart beating in my ears as I slowly grew angrier by the second.

I was not a fool as to know this young man's intentions, nor do I think she is a fool either. Why were all the people at this occasion so detestable? This was why I hated socializing.

"Ah, listen, Tavin. I think I'm going to head back to where there are more people... I don't feel very comfortable about this." I heard her say from afar. I hid behind the side of the building, out of sight.

"Come on baby, lighten up for once. You always come to these parties and just sit around. You're far too pretty to sit around all by yourself. It doesn't hurt anyone to have a little fun every now and then." She backed away from him.

"You're right. Fun is nice, I like fun. The thing is, I don't think _this_ is fun. I honestly find it to be not much fun, because you and I both know exactly why you're doing this." She laughed nervously. "You're drunk, Tavin. You don't know what you're doing."

"I know _exactly_ what I'm doing. If you were aware of my intentions, why bother to come along?" She stood there as if she didn't know what to say.

"I-I don't know. A part of me was hoping maybe… maybe you would do the right thing. I guess I thought a little too highly of you...I don't really..." The boys face went from flirtatious to annoyed.

"Oi, and what is that supposed to mean? I didn't bring you here just to listen to you bitch. Yeah, I'm pretty aware you're some lonely nerd. But even some chick could use something to loosen up th-"

"Stop!" she yelled, covering her ears.

"Aw, what's the matter? Can the little girl not handle a little dirty talk?" He snickered at her as he reached for her.

She slapped him away.

"Do not touch me! I am leaving now, have a good night." She slowly backed away.

His expression turned dark

"I don't think so, princess…"

I knew she was unarmed, which was why she was trying to be as civil as possible. I also knew that she was well aware that if he assaulted her, there would be little she could do to fight back. She was a powerful mage, but without any of her tools to harness that power, she was about as weak as it gets.

He grabbed her with two hands, and she struggled to get out of his grip.

...

I don't know… what came over me.

I wasn't planning on doing anything. I wanted to observe how she handled the situation herself.

I just... couldn't stop myself.

Without even blinking, I found myself shoving the boy aside, wrapping my left arm around her shoulders and yanking her away.

"What… why are you..." I heard her struggle to talk, as her voice slightly quivered, her hands reaching to hold onto my arm.

"You will leave now, or I will kill you. Do not think I won't." I spat indignantly at the kid as he looked at me, startled that he was caught.

"W-what the Hell!"

Clearly wanting to avoid repercussions, the boy ran, stumbling around the corner.

•

I knelt onto the ground and placed her down. "Are you okay? He didn't hurt you, did he?"

I inspected her arms. They were slightly red from his grip. I imagine they'd probably bruise.

"I should have done something sooner…"

I looked down at her sadly. It was unnatural for me to feel remorse, to care if someone was in pain. I mean, I kill people. I bring pain to others.

But seeing her bruised arms, it made me so furious. The blood hadn't even broken the skin.

She was pure, and to watch that almost get taken away from her. It really just…

"Thank you…" she looked down, a frown painting over her.

I could see she was trying desperately not to cry.

Well, I hadn't really thought this far ahead.

I placed my hands lightly on her shoulders, as if to barely even touch her.

"It was no problem, there are quite a few people in this world that have no dignity."

Hah yeah, that's rich coming from me.

I felt myself start to feel pessimistic again.

She looked up at my face, her eyes shining with tears. It made my heartache, unlike with the woman from the other night.

She looked down once more before gently leaning in, placing her forehead on my chest.

I didn't really know what to do. Normally, someone touching me was something that made me feel a lot of dread. Yet, I almost wanted her to touch me.

I wanted to touch her, to hold her.

I just wasn't sure if that was the right thing to do.

Whether or not I cared about this girl or not, it did not change the fact I didn't really know _how_ to show I cared.

I closed my eyes and breathed in.

_Just be natural, do what comes naturally…_

I felt my arms wrap around her lightly. I didn't want to squeeze her or anything.

"It's… okay to cry sometimes. I know it can make you feel weak, and vulnerable… but that's okay. I know you don't really know me very well, but maybe I can least…"

I didn't know what I should say.

She wrapped her arms around me as well, and dug her head deeper. I could hear her whimper a bit.

Eventually she finally let go of me, backing up and wiped her face quickly.

"Sorry about that. I'm sure that was really awkward for you…" Her face was red, and her eyes were slightly puffy. "I'm just an idiot. I should have thought that through better…" She looked away sadly.

"You gave him your trust and he broke it. There's really not much else to it."

Our eyes met.

"It's something we all eventually learn.. that the world is never as great as we wish it would be…"

I saw her smile somberly and nod.

"I know it's not, I just… maybe I was lonely. Normally when these types of guys ask me to be with them, I just sort of turn them away... what if that was actually something I wanted?" She played with her hair, her knees resting under her chin.

I shook my head.

"You don't seem like you are that type of woman. Treat yourself with more respect, you deserve better than that animal."

Again I found this statement to me slightly tainted with hypocrisy.

She gave a small nod.

I breathed in, and decided if I had any chance at all to do this, this would be it.

I reached into my pocket and pulled out her pearl earring.

"I found this, some time ago. And was wondering if it happened to be yours? I felt like it would suit you."

She inspected it, before gently taking it from my hands.

I watched as she smiled deeply enclosing her hands around the pearl, it made me feel at ease.

"Yes, it is. Thank you for returning it to me."

She turned her head upwards and we were silent for a moment.

I heard her sigh heavily, and looked over at her. Her eyes were closed, and her head pointed upward.

"You seem like a good person," she stated. I felt myself inwardly scoff, "I'm sure you probably hear what people have to say about me, I-"

"What people say about others… those things are nothing more to me than petty rumors. Only a fool would listen to them." She smiled contently before stretching out her hands in front of her. "You're right.." we sat there again for a moment.

"I am not what I seem, and I would… I don't know. I feel like I'd like to get to know you more, but not like this..." her face became slightly serious.

I looked over, eyes slitted. "What do you mean?"

She looked over to me, a stone cold look on her face.

The real her.

"Just promise me you won't, panic or run away."

I almost wanted to laugh.

"I'd like to think I have a bit more pride than that."

She gave a small smile before looking off.

"Alright. I'll share my truths with you, if you share your truths with me...

_...Talon_."


	10. Numb

_A/N: You know I am not even gonna bother anymore stating how long certain chapters are because for some reason they've just gotten significantly longer than when they started and you know what, that's okay lol. For different reasons though unlike the last chapter, I am slightly nervous about this one as well. I wanted the chapter to explain a few things, and maybe help progress Talon's personality a bit. I am sorry to anyone who might take this as him being "out of character" unfortunately when it comes to "liking someone" you can't always be some cold hearted killer Sometimes you just gotta be a little softer, that's what liking someone is all about, and I am not aiming to make him "abusive" not say he wouldn't potentially be considering how he is. I just hope again this doesn't turn people off, it is a little more fluffy than other chapters, but there wasn't really any other way I felt I could have written it._

_To my Reviews:_

_Elle Alexandra" Hah, I am glad you're excited to know I hope I don't disappoint! Lux is a smart girl and I don't like it when she's played off as just a typical happy-go-lucky airhead. Yeah no, although Talon did threaten her, he's not anywhere close to being a rapist. That's just not something he cares about honestly._

_Chi's Creed: I'd be lying if I said it didn't make me smile as well. Haha, I really did love that moment, and I had a lot of fun writing it. To me Cass is a bitch, but her attitude has changed from being originally very selfish and narcissistic to just bitter. She tries to hide her bitterness with snarky jokes, but in all actuality, she realizes now that these people around her are really the only "friends" she has. And that's not really saying a lot lol. She can't really change how she treats them, but what she says at least from my perspective, is genuine, it just never really comes off that way. And yes, Lux is far too observant to let something like that just pass under her nose._

_thelastsoul232: I am happy it turned out in your favor, I hope this and future chapters do not disappoint :D_

_Ravemonster: Even I was pretty hyped up when I wrote that part, so much tension!_

_Shloop: I guess you'll have to wait and see, hmmm? ;^)_

_Soviet72: I personally wrote a PM to you fully explaining why I made Talon the way he was. It's not so much as he is some psycho killer, as it is that it's a compulsion that was let out in a different manner when the General was around. Without the General, he feels more desire to kill people, and doesn't really have an appropriate place to let out that desire. A lot of things point to this behavior of just liking to kill in his personal lore and champion reflection._

_Anthropomancy: I tried to keep the feel as realistic as possible, saying to myself "if I were in his shoes or her shoes, how would I respond honestly." Truth me told, romance is never as easy as fantasy books like to make it out to seem, but liking someone is often something that we can't easily control. We can't really help it if we're attracted to someone initially, this does not mean their actions in the future can't change that. As for the format, I have tried to space the words out a bit more to make it easier on the eyes, however I personally do like the centered text for I feel it makes single lined sentences a lot more dramatic. Though that is just an authors preference. Sorry._

_Thank you for all reviews/favorites/follows the really do mean the world to me, and make my day!_

_Cover Image belongs to irahi on deviantart_

_All rights reserved to Riot Games and their ownership of these characters and lore_

* * *

**Lumen Crimseon **

**Chapter X | Numb**

For a moment, just a moment, everything felt frozen.

Like the air had stopped moving. I suddenly could not breathe.

The music from the party faded away. I felt my ears ringing.

My body felt hot. My fingers felt numb.

"What did you... how..."

I bore at her, struggling for words.

"How did I know? Well, to be honest... I didn't really figure it out until now." She opened her hand again, the pearl lying delicately in her palm. I felt a familiar rage take me over. I suddenly felt vulnerable and weak. I wanted to kill her, I wanted to run away. She knew I wasn't who I was, and now she knew that it wasn't Marcus who was a bumbling fool, but that it was me...

Talon.

I had thought this plan was foolproof. Now, I saw the only fool here was I.

I stood quickly, disgust and rage flushing through me. I needed to get away.

I had to. Why did I ever trust...

I turned toward the street to leave when I felt her grab my wrist. I thought back to the girl from earlier, and tore my wrist away. I looked back at her.

"You promised me you wouldn't run." She looked at me, her eyes clearly in distress.

"Marcus promised you he wouldn't run. I can not trust you." She stood and ran in front of me, arms spread.

"Please! How can you even say such a thing! You have deceived me for days, and say that you can not trust me? Don't you think if I wanted something to happen to you, it would have happened by now?!" she yelled, slightly out of breath as her arms grew shaky.

I glared down at her.

"I did what I did, because I was aiming to kill you. Would you rather I finish the job now?" I swiftly pulled out my concealed blade, pointing it in her direction.

I saw her grow nervous, considering I knew she was unarmed.

My turmoil had caused me to grow numb to her emotions. I did not care how she felt.

"I knew there was something about you. I thank my better judgement I had not let myself..." I stopped myself. I would not now delve into how I felt about the girl previously with this current situation, let alone to her of all people.

"Move, or I will not hesitate to slaughter you. Mark my words."

She looked up, her face expressing pain. "I... I know you won't hesitate… but I refuse to leave! There is so much I want to ask you, and for once..." she breathed out exasperatingly, struggling to keep her composure. "I just want to be myself. I can see it, just as I feel you can as well. We are similar, Talon, let me..." There she went, saying it again.

I shoved her aside. She stumbled, hitting the wall to the left.

I felt my heart slightly weigh, but I could not waver. She had made an ass of me.

I heard her choke on her breath, looking back once more. She was on her knees in my direction, her face distorted as she tried to withhold her emotions. "Please... just let me explain myself. I swear to you- I swear I am not here to betray you... I-I'm sorry… maybe this wasn't the right thing to do," she exclaimed in almost a whisper. I turned fully around, the cape waving behind me me.

How long had she known?

My mind was starting to slow down slightly. My initial rage stalled enough, dissipating into a throbbing embarrassment.

I felt myself almost pity the girl.

To show such submission after humiliating me... did she think I would not keep my word?

Normally I'd say this were true, however...

"Fine... I will hear you out. But not tonight. I can not think straight in this state of mind." I reached up and held my head. It was true. I still wanted to know more, I wanted to know how. But I could not like this. I was far too mortified, too stripped of my security. I saw her nod her head and stand up. "I'm sorry... for bringing it up like this. I grew too curious… I just wanted to know..." she looked down.

I sighed out heavily. "Maybe you're not wrong..."

Although I'm sure this event carried into the night, I had lost all incentive to even be in this city, let alone at this filthy party.

I turned and walked away from her.

•

It had been three weeks since then.

I felt myself revert back to how I had felt before involving myself with her, though far more on edge. Minus attending the League when specifically summoned. I had not even the drive to kill. I was thankful that I never had the displeasure of having to go against her during my summons, yet I had spent the majority of my time locked away in my room. I mindlessly did tasks to keep myself busy.

I was upset. More so, and I hated to admit it...

I was heartbroken.

When I found out that she knew my true identity, I blew up. Although I was not surprised by my behaviour, it did not change the fact I felt like a moron.

Looking back on my actions now, why had I been angry?

If I really had cared about her, wouldn't that have been something I desired?

For her to want me as I am?

In truth, I was ashamed.

I was angry that she would do that to herself. She accepted me as I was. After all the things I had put her through, after all my cruel antics and mockery. I was angry with myself, because I was not even close to worthy of someone as forgiving and caring as her.

For all the negative emotions that flew through me. All the things I had said to her that night... I felt remorseful. As if I was in the wrong for what I had done, and that maybe I should have just trusted her. Listened to her.

But why?

I can sometimes barely even trust myself at times, let alone some girl I hardly knew.

I was tired, for even after all this time of locking myself away I had rarely slept. To make matters worst, the General had not even been on my mind once during all of this time. I felt I had failed him.

I needed to get out of the house. I needed to drink. I needed something, even if it was minor, to make me feel some sort of relief. I went to my door to leave, opening it to find Katarina standing to the side, leaning on the door frame.

"Good evening, Talon."

"And to you, Kat."

She turned to me as I stood in the frame, standing up straight from her leaning position.

"Feeling up to a mission tonight?"

She had been doing this for weeks. Coming to my room and asking if I would accompany her on business behind my door.

My answer was always the same.

"Not tonight. Sorry."

It was obvious why she was being so persistent. It was just like in the past year or so when I was down about the General.

Yet another person who felt the need to pity me.

It made me scowl.

"Listen Katarina."

She stepped back, finding it abnormal that I referred to her in full name, I'm sure.

"I know you'll never openly admit this, but I want you to understand. I am fine. You don't need to worry about me."

I watched as her face turned uncomfortable. "I am not worried about you. All I've been doing is asking you, who has a duty to our name, to tag along with me on a job." She crossed her arms, looking to the right to avoid eye contact. "I just, find it unusual is all. Although I don't know why I do. It's not like this behaviour is any different from the way you've been acting for the past year or two. I just thought…" her arms dropped and she looked at me sternly. "I thought maybe you were starting to be you again. I suppose I assumed too much, too soon." she waved her hand, before turning to walk down the hall. I stood there and watched as she walked away.

"Talon."

She stood still for a moment, her back still toward me.

"Don't let your heart get in the way of your duty."

She kept walking. I imagined that comment was made because she probably was concerned enough to even pester Cassiopeia about it. It wasn't like I had told the elder sister to be quiet about anything, so she was probably thrilled to enlighten the red head with my dramatic predicament. Although that was annoying, I had not disclosed much of anything to Cass.

Besides, if I wasn't in love before, I sure in hell wasn't now.

Though, for the younger sister to be aware of that all this time and still act as though that weren't the issue...

Maybe Kat hadn't pitied me as much as she empathized with me. I wouldn't be surprised if she found herself in a similar issue with the Crownguard son. Those people, no matter how good they seemed, could not easily trusted.

At least not by us.

And I imagined even the smallest miscommunication might set Katarina off far worse than I.

•

Needing to take my mind off of my stresses, I left the manor and headed for a local pub. I never actually went to socialize with any of the patrons there like many did; it was always rather rowdy, and was popular with the men of high-power in Noxus, something I prefered to keep away from. Walking in, I saw Darius and his brother Draven sitting in the corner surrounded by people having a drinking competition. I rolled my eyes patronizingly and went to the counter.

After the Generals disappearance, those two blood brothers had become increasingly more involved in the politics of Noxus, obviously trying to fill the Generals shoes and change the faction in their own favor. It angered me to see them trying to shadow my adoptive fathers name. However, I had no interest in budding my nose where it didn't belong, so they were free to do what they pleased.

Katarina, on the other hand, actively showed her disagreement over the men's place of power… this was yet another matter I prefered to dismiss.

At the counter, I pondered as to what I would total myself with that evening. I was personally a whiskey fan, and could also appreciate a glass of wine here and there. However, I asked the mixer to simply give me an entire pack of whatever beer they had. Preferably, any that didn't taste like piss.

I needed to waste myself, not my pocket; higher quantities of drink often led to more gold thrown away, especially if they were high quality.

After the bartender gave me a new pack of Graggy Ice, he seemed reluctant, warning me to watch myself. I swiftly made my leave.

It wasn't as if that were the first time he has seen me there. It was likely it wouldn't be the last.

•

I went through the city to the outskirts, which was surrounded by a marshy lake. Most civilians avoided water sources here in Noxus, since there was a good chance that the majority of them were polluted. This one was no exception. Yet, hidden behind a large area of trees was a small dock. It lead to an enclosed part of the river, free of pollution. It was difficult to get there, but in all my past times of going there I had cut a path.

One I kept hidden in order, to preserve the place.

It was my personal drinking spot, and there, the night sky seemed pretty beautiful.

It almost helped one forget about the problems surrounding them..

I took a seat at the edge of the dock, opening up the pack. I wore some older clothes that night, rather than my typical assassin getup. I wasn't really feeling like myself as of late. I decided I wouldn't seem fit to walk around looking like I was ready to slit a throat. My hair was down as it was typically, albeit messy. Wearing normal jean pants, and a red button up with a jacket on top, you'd think I was just a normal civilian. Minus the bandana I kept around my neck and close to my face.

You'd never know when you might need to disguise yourself, and I wasn't that much of an idiot.

Pulling down the bandana from my mouth, I opened a bottle and began to drink. Gazing out onto the river, I did feel a bit better getting out. It didn't fix anything, but at least I didn't have something to worry about for a while. The drink was cool and refreshing, the alcohol burned the back of my throat.

I was there for a while, to say the least. One drink turned into three, and eventually I was on my seventh. I had a high tolerance to the poison, but of course, that wasn't the same as immunity. I felt my head get fuzzy, the world around me softened and felt numb. I had taken my boots off and let my feet sit in the water.

It reminded me of that night. Of her.

I wanted to forget. It pained me inside to be so indecisive. It's not like it would matter if I wanted her or not, I could never have her. She knows of Talon, the murderer. Why would anyone in their right mind love someone who notoriously kills people for a living?

I started to reach over for another drink, when I heard some noise rustling behind me in the foliage. Normally, I would assume it was an animal. Yet in this time of night, and by the loudness of the sound?

Animal or not, it was large.

I looked back, a little more on guard but still faded. I heard some more rustling, this time quieter, a little more subtle. There was definitely someone there. I was about to say something, reaching for one of my knives, when I saw someone tumble out of the woods.

Due to my intoxication, it was hard to see from this distance, all I could tell was that it was someone wearing a hood themselves, with blue lights strapped to their chest.

"Oh…"

I heard them speak from afar, it was a feminine voice. I felt myself become alerted, my drunken state dissipating a bit. I looked again.

My heart practically stopped.

I almost didn't know what to say, the only words able to fall from my mouth being

"What are you doing here?"

Of course, when I leave my house for one night to get some peace, this of all things happens.

She approached me slowly.

I could see her much clearer now, her blonde hair flowing from the inside of the hood; the blue lights being vials of mana potion strapped to her chest. She had her baton staff strapped to her back. Her outfit was very form fitting, gracing every curve on her body.

I considered jumping into the lake and maybe drowning myself, just so I could get away from this.

I also considered pulling a knife to her throat. Here in my territory, no one cared if they heard you scream.

Rather than do either of those things, I let her crouch down next to me before taking a seat.

"I, well…" She looked down slightly, trying to avoid eye contact. "I've been coming here, waiting for you to eventually come.. Honestly, I didn't actually ever think you would." I looked at her stupidly.

Was she being serious? Had she really been coming here every night, waiting for me to one day just show up?! I wanted to feel creeped out, I did, even if I knew I was no better.

I scooted farther away from her, knocking a few bottles around.

"Well, here I am. What do you want?" I stared at the water, the moon's reflection beaming off of it. I was too drunk to give a damn at this point about how little I trusted her. It's not like she'd be able to kill me as fast as I could kill her.

Not that I was really even worried she'd do that.

"You said you would hear me out all those weeks ago, but you never gave me a time or a place," she gave off a nervous chuckle, "and I figured if I didn't look for you myself, I never would be able to."

How did she even find this place? More so, how did she even know I would come here? I was very confused, and my head hurt for more than one reason, but I looked up at her. I saw her face was weary, and she had bags under her eyes.

I felt a small tinge of pain in my chest. She really had come every night, of all these weeks, in the hopes that I'd possibly come.

"How did you find this place? How did you even know I'd be here?" I sighed, caring significantly less about how much I was talking due to my incoherent thought process. Another reason I liked to drink alone: I could be rather talkative. I found it be extremely obnoxious of me, something that was very out of character.

Her being here only further violated my privacy, something I felt very strongly about. However, I couldn't tell if I was angry… or almost glad to see her.

"Ah well… I have my ways," I noticed she looked a little flustered. Perhaps she felt embarrassed for doing such stalkerish things. I suppose that'd be rightfully in place in her case.

I wanted to drink more, but my thirst was quenched after she had arrived. I did not need to go into some rambling drunk fit. Although I felt reluctant, I decided I would listen to what she wanted to say. At this point I wasn't left with many other options besides leaving. Honestly, I was rather curious as to how she knew who I was.

"Alright, so you've come all this way. Tell me first... how did you know who I really was?" I clasped my hands together, leaning down and looking at the water once more.

I heard her sigh a bit before removing her own boots. She splashed her feet into the water.

I guess that meant this would take a while.

"I don't think you believe I'm an idiot. At least, I suppose that is something I do assume," she smiled, "I don't really know much about you. You're a difficult man to research."

I almost felt a sense of pride in that comment, but it still did not answer my question.

"I've known you were there this whole time, but I don't think that's something that I have to answer for you. I think you already know how I did," I would have been irritated about how cryptic that statement was, if it weren't for how obvious it made the whole situation.

She hadn't known it was me from the day she met "Marcus". It was far before even that.

I had misread one of her actions.

The first night I came to her balcony I had tapped on her window, and knocked a single time, expecting a reaction. Now, any normal civilian would have responded, but at the time I overlooked this. Lux… she was no ordinary person. A trained soldier all on her own, and an infiltrator at that. There was no way she would be a deep sleeper. With such a busy mind, I am surprised she was able to sleep at all. In hindsight, she had not responded because she knew that whomever was there might not come back again, or would hide more carefully. This could have potentially let a criminal get away, someone she might have felt she could have handled herself. By not acknowledging my presence, it made me prone to being less cautious.

"I overlooked how deep of a sleeper you were, not considering more background knowledge on you… but that does not explain how you knew it was me directly." She looked over at me. "Remember how on the night of that party, after you asked me the first time how I knew, I responded saying 'I didn't really figure it out until now'?" She brushed her hair, and part of her hood behind her ear, displaying her pink pearl earring. "I had dropped my earring that night on the balcony on purpose." I looked at her dumbfounded.

She had actually calculated all of this.

"Now, here's where things got kind of tricky. I had no idea whether it would make it back to me. That was a gamble, I do admit. However, I had a hunch it would."

I wanted to be amazed, but the shock sobered me more than it amazed me. My attitude, thankfully, stayed nonchalant for the most part. "Then, how did you know it was me? What about Marcus?" She closed her eyes, leaning back on her hands. "I will tell you. You were very convincing. No one else would suspect anything odd from the gentle silent soldier who had been away for a while, one who had a strange liking for classic Demacian uniforms." I felt a slight embarrassment. Maybe it would have been better if I had just dressed normally... then again, my clothing choices aren't very bright. "I had never seen you around. Then again, I spent a large majority of life without my brother. I couldn't really argue with that." She leaned forward quickly, looking at my face. "However, there was one thing that I found very interesting and particularly suspicious. It's not something any ordinary person would think about."

I watched as she reach her hand toward my face, her finger gently landing on my lip. If this had been anyone else...If I still wasn't drunk as a sailor, I might have instinctively tried to bite it or slap it away. Rather, I stood still. Her soft finger prodded at the corner of my mouth. It felt nice, especially on the small scar I had there.

Wait a second…

The scar.

I pulled my head away from her, slapping my face incredulously.

Of course! How did I miss such a simple detail?

No normal person would think anything of a little scar, sitting somewhere on the corner of someone's mouth. However, she was far more observant than that. I had thought that if I kept most of my face shrouded on the rift, that she would not have a clear idea of my facial identity. However, I should have known better.

"I, am an idiot." I groaned out loud as I listened to her laugh.

I guess I was more out of practice than I had originally presumed.

"I don't think so," she swung her legs in the water, causing some drops to splash around, "it was a very well planned out scheme in hindsight. Besides, considering the reason for me even knowing that small detail... I probably wouldn't have figured it out myself, if it weren't for that."

I sat there for a moment, taking in all that I had heard.

"Thanks, I guess. For telling me. The next time I plan to viciously murder someone, I'll have to make sure they aren't a damn genius beforehand." It wasn't really like me to joke around, but in the heat of this moment, I felt surprisingly calm. "Although, I had done my homework on you. I simply overlooked too much." I shrugged.

It's not like any of that mattered anymore. What's done was done. This whole fiasco would finally end.

"Will you answer some questions of mine then, hmm?" I heard her ask.

I did not like to share any information with anyone, especially someone I still barely even knew the surface of…

But I guess a part of me just didn't care anymore, when it came to her.

"Why exactly have you been coming to my home? Why have you been observing me?"

I questioned if being honest was the best thing, and in this situation it probably was not. But, you know, I choose the worst moments to decide to go against the tide.

"You were annoying, god you were annoying. I hated everything that you did and everything that you stood for, it drove me crazy." I saw her smile painfully, as if I had stabbed a knife through her heart.

I was not used to being honest. I suppose she should expect me to be a little frank.

And to add onto that I was intoxicated, and that surely did not make anything easier.

"I could not stand you, and so I decided I was going to murder you." I looked over at her plainly.

I was expecting her to look unsettled… upset? Disgusted?

She just sat there, listening intently.

I stopped for a moment.

"You are aware I kill people for a living, right? That there is probably not a drop of good in me."

I watched as she chuckled, her hand covering her mouth.

"Trust me, Talon, I am aware. Honestly, I don't think that's true either. It might not mean much coming from me, but I've never really saw you as evil. Just as I don't think you're an idiot."

She smiled at me. Something about the way she said my name, and the way she talked to me.

It made my heart pound in my ears.

"If that is the case... for such a genius, you sure are stupid."

She bursted out laughing. For a second, I thought she was about to fall into the lake. I wasn't sure what was so funny about what I had said, but at least she didn't get all upset and start crying. I suppose.

"Either way, I had all these plans to kill you and get it over and done with. Yet… I am not sure. Things, well... they changed."

I sighed.

"I'd rather not go much more into detail, on what even made me do what I did."

I still felt shameful.

I felt her place her hand on mine. I tensed up, and I was about to pull away when she wrapped her fingers around mine. She held it there.

I looked at her. This made me feel very uncomfortable, no matter how I looked at it.

"That's fine.. you know, it might seem a little ridiculous to say this, but I almost felt flattered… to know you had gone through all that trouble just to see me."

She rose my hand up to her face, placing it on her cheek.

"I guess I came all this way because... I wanted to return the favor."

My hand felt cold on her warm face, and I didn't know what else to say.

I was starting to sober up significantly, and along with that came my typical inability to converse normally.

"You should leave."

She closed her eyes, keeping my hand on her cheek.

"Maybe."

We sat there for a moment, my hand awkwardly on her cheek. I didn't really understand why she was doing that, or for what reason; she was letting some random murderer just touch her face, and I can't imagine she found that to be very cleanly. I eventually slipped my hand away.

I was about to say my goodbyes, and consider maybe never returning there again. I suddenly thought back to something she had said, something that I had not picked up on originally.

"...besides considering the reasoning for me even knowing that small detail, I probably wouldn't have even figured it out myself if it weren't for that."

"What did you mean..." she looked at me replying with a simple 'hm?' as I looked ahead.

"What did you mean when you said 'considering the reasoning for me even knowing a small detail,' was there a reason you remembered I had a scar there?"

I watched as she fiddled with her fingers, keeping her head down.

I sat there impatiently waiting for a reply.

"Well I...I don't know, it's kind of weird…"

I grew annoyed.

"Yes, because stalking me to my drinking spot is not strange in the slightest."

She looked over at me with a huff, her cheeks slightly puffed in a pout.

I wanted to say it was cute, but I was trying to avoid feeling attracted to the girl.

Although that was proving to be a difficult thing to prevent by this point.

"I just…" I watched as she crossed her arm, staring off into the other direction. Her feet were slightly tapping around in the water. "When I'd see you on the rift, you always looked so angry when you saw me. And you'd always make this frown."

She turned back to me and mocked my scowl, thus causing me to mirror it.

She laughed and pointed, "Yes, like that. Well, it would always really pronounce the little scar on the corner of your mouth, and well..."

She held onto her arms.

"I don't know, I found it to be kinda cute," she whispered.

Wait, what?

"Come again?" I asked, scooting a bit closer so I could hear what she had said clearly.

She looked at me flustered, "I thought you were cute, alright? You know... attractive? Sue me for being an A-class freak!" she buried her head into her hands.

I wasn't really sure what to say, I did admit being called 'cute' wasn't really something I spent my time trying to achieve, but it didn't really give me that of bad feeling, mostly just my typical awkwardness.

"Oh." was all I could muster.

She had noticed me far before I had even began to notice her. Even though I would kill her and be mean to her, she had thought that highly of me? Looking back though, considering different scenarios, I suppose even her then-partner Ezreal would have had to kill her at some point as well.

I felt a small flame light within my heart. Engulfing me in a warm feeling.

There was no way out of this feeling other than just allowing it to consume me.

We sat there for most of the night, her mostly going on about small things to try to change the subject or make me forget her words, and I just listened.

Being here with her was…

Far better than I thought it would be.


	11. Love

_A/N: AYYYY SO this chapter is super fluffy like for real it almost kinda hurt me to write it. I gotta put more ANGST. Which is ironic considering I have to put another **trigger warning: for talk of suicide and abuse.** eheheue, and yet I still consider this chapter super fluff in comparison to most of my chapters. I gotta progress the romance portion some how, God bless._

_To my Reviews:_

_Jiyu: Ahh if only right? Don't worry... I'm sure it'll happen. Eventually. ;^)_

_Elle Alexandra: I hadn't even really seen it like that, but I suppose you're not completely wrong haha._

_Flabberjiggles: Maybeeee maybe nooott, I'm glad you liked it though._

_Soveit72: Well this chapter, minus the very dark parts, is pretty much mostly romance so hopefully this pleases._

_Kid w Glasses: I'm glad you could get something out of it!_

_Thank you again to all my readers and for all of your reviews. Also to my editor who has to deal with this crap._

_Cover Image belongs to irahi on deviantart_

_All rights reserved to Riot Games and their ownership of these characters and lore_

* * *

**Lumen Crimseon**

**Chapter XI | Love**

It started with a simple goal. This simple goal, spiraled into an obsession with the girl that eventually drove me to this.

Weeks would go by. We'd come to see each other in the shroud of the woods, hidden from our societies. Her actions the first night she had come, they were confusing to say the least. What she had said. What she had done…. it sent an overwhelming emotion through me. I almost didn't know how to comprehend it. However, I was no fool. I had learned it was possible, that even I could comprehend this...

I had gone and fallen in love.

I wanted to be angry, for even letting such a thing happen.

But when I was with her, she looked at me. She even said my name. I would suddenly forgot who I was. It felt as though she were not even speaking to me. How could she? To most, I'd be considered a monster. An animal, who kills for the mere thrill of of it. Why would she ever show kindness to me?

But, she did. Her smile was directed at me. When she'd laugh, it was toward me. She would come, and instead of spending her nights reading or sleeping, she would sit by my side and keep me company.

She radiated such a beautiful light. Why waste that on the likes of me? How did she even find it in her heart to do so? It was something I felt in the dark about, but she was starting to show me...

That light. I wanted it for myself.

I wanted to love her, and I wanted her to love me back. I did not know how. To think, she tolerated the fact that I killed people! She never really ever talked about that, but how could anyone be okay with that? I knew she wasn't, and yet she never spoke of it. As if it did not exist. She had to know that was me, that was who I was.

•

"Lux..."

She stopped herself, midway through talking about something she had come across that day.

"Yes?" I saw her look at me. There was such a bright gleam in her eyes... this gleam was not a lie, it was not a facade of happiness. That, was what confused me most.

"You come here every night to speak with me. Most of the time, I rarely speak back. Why? Do you not understand what I do for a living?" I saw her face grow weary.

"I... Yes I know. I am aware, I mean. That you... you know..." she avoided eye contact. I watched as she leaned over the dock, her elbows resting on her knees and her hands holding her head. "It's wrong. I know it's wrong, but I..." she sat back up, looking at me. "Talon, all this time I've come and rambled on about things I know you don't care about. I suppose... I was hoping to someday get a response. Not really the one I was expecting," she chuckled, "but I suppose it's a start?"

She looked down at the water again.

"Soldiers. They kill and commit atrocities in the name of honor all the time. In the name of something they believe in. I always felt, you were similar."

I scoffed.

"I am a killer, Lux. I am no soldier. Had I not..." I stopped for a moment, "consider yourself lucky I had not gone through with killing you. I doubt if I had, you'd think the same."

She scooted closer to me , our shoulders barely touching. I felt my breath almost hitch.

"You're wrong. You may have a compulsion, but you do not lack a heart! That is the difference, you-"

"You do not know me."

"Then let me!"

I looked at her. Why was she so persistent about this? "No," I stated plainly.

She looked at me, her face slightly flustered.

"Please, I've shown you nothing but the truth, I-"

"That is a lie, and you know that it is."

She stopped, her face growing cold.

"I...suppose you are not completely wrong."

She clasped her hands together.

"I cannot be, though. I have never... not to anyone," she sighed, "it's just worth putting behind me."

I peered at her from the corner of my eyes. "How can you possibly request such a selfish thing, when you refuse to be honest yourself?" I turned to her directly.

In truth I wanted this, for her to dive into her suffering. To truly know what lay behind those eyes of hers.

"You have said to me that we are similar. I do not see how."

She looked down.

"I..." her voice was plain, her face lacking much of any emotion, "I was used."

I felt myself grow tense, a thousand thoughts suddenly running through my head, but I sat quietly.

"When I was young, before I was even two years old, my brother was sent away to be programmed into some veteran soldier. Such is the life of a Crownguard." She looked up at me, her eyes dark. "My family learned of my abilities, and they abused them. Pushing me to my breaking point, stripping me of my privacy, allowing me no other route than that of the Crownguard child prodigy. I had no friends, no condolences, and I grew bitter. To be bitter though! As a Demacian!"

She let out a cynical laugh.

"My parents told me I was selfish. They would talk down to me, on everything I did. I was never... good enough. Being the smartest, the strongest, the prettiest? It didn't matter. I could always be better."

I looked at her, my face straight. I did not know whether to pity the girl, or feel as if she were complaining over having overbearing parents. I almost found myself growing irritated with such a presence.

That was, until...

"They would... well, they would hurt me...physically. They would tell me that I should end myself, if I could not live up to their standards. They would lock me in my room for weeks, sometimes rarely giving me food… only to express how selfish I was to be depressed. I want to say I loved them, I really do. They are my family, but I..." her voice started to quiver, "I hated them. I knew, I knew the way they treated me was wrong. I knew they thought they were helping me, but they were only killing me slowly. I tried to end my life on many separate occasions, all in which when found, were ridiculed. Called an embarrassment to our family's name. I was their tool, always their pride. Never their child."

I watched her clench her fists.

"And when I was alone with my own thoughts, dreading every moment I saw them or anyone... I knew it would be painful. I grew numb to the world, and I had to find a way to fight it. I would harm myself, not only to grow a tolerance to their abuse, but because... I saw the blood. I felt the pain. I felt so alive! I would let that fuel me to not be their puppet. I would put on a mask of happiness, so they would never break me. I knew by my blood alone, that there had to be more to this existence than suffering at their expense."

By now she was laughing, tears streaming down her face.

And on queue as if she could read the first thought on my mind...

"Sometimes Talon, the unseen scars are the ones that leave the largest impact."

She stopped for a moment, clenching her shoulders.

"I've never... not even my brother. I've never told anyone of this. My brother... when he returned home, things changed. My parents began to forget my existence, and spent most of their time praising him and his acts of valor. 'Our son Garen is a hero!' It made me envious... I had done so much in my time, never to receive such treatment... but, it also brought me peace. I did not blame Garen; our parents' ideals were not something he could control, nor did he know how they treated me. I used this time to explore my own wants for my life, without the tight leash of my parents around my neck. This past year has been the most free I've ever been in my life, and honestly... I've never felt more lost."

She breathed in, calming herself a bit. "I do love my brother though. He showed me so much care and affection when he returned. Sat and shared with me his stories. I almost hadn't known how to respond. He is my only true family."

I understood now, what that meant.

Just how Katarina, Cassiopeia, the General...

They were my only family as well.

"I am the way I am... not to be honest, but to be how I wish I truly could feel."

She smiled slightly.

"Maybe someday, it will be real."

•

Life is unfair.

I know this well. However, this had gone far past what I had assumed. She claimed to act as she did, to not let her parents break her.

But alas, she was already broken. Loneliness, bitterness, a thirst for knowledge, for life. Our situations were so similar, and yet I could not help but feel I was the fortunate one. At least she had a family? I felt almost sick for thinking such a thought. What good is a family who does nothing but strip you of your existence?

It was disgusting.

It made me appreciative of what I had, made me realize how selfish I was for taking it for granted.

She turned her body away from me, curling herself in an effort to hide her emotions.

"It felt good… it felt good to tell someone, to finally say it. To say how miserable I truly am. However, I am weak… I told myself I wouldn't cry anymore. I told myself I wouldn't let them win…" I heard her hiccup, her back shaking.

How… what could I possibly do? What could I say? Once again, I had realized that what I had wanted was something I did not actually want at all. I had pushed her, to be honest, and here it was. Nothing that would come from me could help her. I never looked for comfort in anyone... I wouldn't know what I'd want, if I were in her state of mind.

I reached out, my hand failing and falling down to the dock floor.

"You… are not weak. You are far from weak. You fought for something as personal as your own identity, even though you were trapped in the tight grip of authority. Even though you had no other way out. You are far stronger than… someone like me."

I closed my eyes, lowering my head.

"I lived a good majority of my life in poverty, thieving to make it by most days. I had a… partner, Kayvn. He was the first person I ever murdered," I watched as she turned back a bit to acknowledge me, her face red and her eyes shining with tears. "I do not… I do not know why I killed him. At the time, I told myself it was because he failed me: many times he had caused us to go hungry. However…" I looked down slightly shamefully, "he, in a sense, was my only friend. I feel a part of me severed that because… I thought that was a weakness. I used the blade he had brought for us to sell, and to share, to kill him. Because it made me feel strong… because his life had value. And I was a thief."

She was now looking at me, slightly calmer. Yet, her breathing convulsing here and there from her previous sobbing.

"I had lost a part of my humanity. A lust to kill, a new obsession, brewed. I embraced it, carrying out my own agenda. One that was far from right." I turned my head away from her, out to the open lake.

"And then he found me... General Du Couteau. After beating me at my own game. It made me respect him, his strength. Even more so, he took me in instead of killing me. Taught me his ways, gave me an outlet for my compulsions. He adopted me as his own son."

I looked at her. "Even so, I felt lost. Like my life had no real purpose. I lived believing I had no family, that I was just a tool to the General- not that I was unhappy to be used at his expense. It wasn't until… he was gone, that I had started to realize what I had lost: the family that was given to me."

She looked at me. "General Du Couteau, Marcus Du Couteau, hm? I suppose it would make sense for your inspiration to come from him." I had wondered how she had know his name, how she had known him at all. However, I figured that was a better topic for another day.

"I suppose that also means you have relations with Katarina Du Couteau and Cassiopeia Du Couteau?"

I glanced at her. "Yes, I do consider them to be sisters to me. However, I can not say I trust them like I imagine a normal family should. Then again, neither of us really have a normal family."

She chuckled.

"Yes, I suppose not. Do not let my experience down play your own though. It is different, yes, but that does not mean you have not suffered just as much."

We sat there silent for a moment.

"And what of Ezreal?.."

I saw her inhale deeply.

"Yes... him. The only real outlet I had and I never even shared with him what happened behind closed doors. To be honest, I don't even know why I'm sharing it with you..."

I looked at her. She had felt that much trust in someone like me. I didn't know whether to be flattered, or to think that she was a god damned fool.

"I meant more along the lines of... were you two not in a relationship?"

She looked over and smiled.

"I guess we were, in about as much of a relationship as I could be in. He was there to support me; he knew I could get down on occasion, but he never knew from what. That was our biggest issue... we rarely communicated. We also saw so little of each other, that after a while, even I knew it would never last. Ezreal is a good guy, but him and I live worlds away from one another. I don't think I would have ever been able to confide in him, honestly. The most we had shared with each other was a kiss, and most would consider that to be pretty pathetic."

I felt my lip slightly turned in a frown. Having someone express the more romantic side of their past relationship was unpleasant, especially if it was someone you harbored feelings for.

"Perhaps I was never truly attracted to him, but merely to what he embodied. True freedom."

I looked down at my hands. I used to believe I was free, that I was independent. I knew this was not so.

She reached over, delicately placing a hand on my leg. I tensed up, "I know I am probably coming off as very dramatic, especially to you of all people... maybe it's the fact I know you'd never take me seriously, that I can tell you all of this."

"But, that is not true."

She looked at me, our eyes locking.

"Is this something... I should regret then?"

I wanted to shake my head, to say that it was not. But with our proximity, I felt as though my mouth had been sewn shut. I merely looked at her.

I could smell her, her honeysuckle scent blowing ever so lightly pass me. It was a scent you could find yourself getting drunk off of... the sweetness almost too much to bear, and yet barely even noticeable. I felt my lungs tighten, and my heart began to beat fast. She was so close. I wanted to look away, to change the subject. To hide. But my eyes had grown lost in her own.

"Talon..."

I felt her lean in.

I could not let her do this. A part of me wanted this so badly it hurt, and yet I felt I knew so little. I knew what she wanted, but I was embarrassed to even inwardly admit just how inexperienced I was in this completely.

I did not know how to please a woman, let alone with something as simple as a kiss. I was afraid I'd make a fool of myself more than I already have to her.

I turned away.

She stopped and stood still before eventually removing her hands from my leg.

"I'm sorry," she chuckled somberly, "that was extremely invasive of me. I don't know what I was thinking."

My heart ached. Should I had just sat there, let her have control? I never wanted to admit someone else control over me, but perhaps for something such as this... maybe it would have been for the best.

•

We sat there for quite some time, a pregnant silence filling the air. Eventually, when it became apparent the evening was turning into the early morning, she stood up, putting her boots on.

I continued sitting there on the dock, until I noticed her standing still behind me.

"Say Talon... I know this sort of thing... it may not interest you, but would you maybe like to go somewhere with me tomorrow?"

I looked up at her, her face a light tinge of pink. "That depends. I am not really one to like social outings_**.**_ If it's another party, you can forget it." She laughed at my last comment. "No, it's not another party, I promise. It's in Piltover, so you can dress how ever you'd like."

I knew she was mocking my little scheme I had gone through just to talk to her. I merely scoffed and ignored it. "What is it exactly?" She played with her hair in one of her hands, nervously chewing on her lip.

I wish she'd be more conscious of how disgustingly desirable that made her look, and stop for my own sake.

"It's a place to go dancing. I've never gone dancing before, and this weekend they were having a special event." I looked at her stupidly.

"I don't dance, sorry."

She sighed sadly.

"I figured you say that... it was worth a try anyways."

She said her goodbyes, keeping a smile on her face none the less, and turned to leave

"Lux."

She turned back.

"Hm?"

"Maybe... maybe we can go. I do not like crowds though."

Her face lit up.

I felt my heart lighten as well.


	12. Obsession

_**A/N:** Oh my god I am so sorry lol. I was not expecting to take two months practically to update. I got super busy with other stuff, and I also had a horrible writers block. I had originally planned on writing this chapter is Lux's point of view, but completely scratched that. That then left me feeling pretty blank for awhile, but I finally managed to muster enough ideas to put together what I wanted. I hope the chapther doesn't disappoint, and I hope future updates come much faster now that I've gotten over that hump. Thank you everyone who has been contacting me and asking me how I've been and about the story. It really gave me the motivation to push through and keep writing._

_Typically I respond to my reviewers, but for now I think I'll continue that after this new chapters, I just want to get this out for you all to enjoy._

_Thank you again to all my readers, and to all the new ones as well. Every follow/review is inspiration to keep this story going._

_And thank you to my editor who makes sure things don't get too weird._

_Cover Image belongs to irahi on deviantart_

_All rights reserved to Riot Games and their ownership of these characters and lore_

* * *

**Lumen Crimseon **

**Chapter XII |Obsession**

I had slept through most of the day as always, it being another Saturday made it less suspicious; I had spent my hours earlier talking to the young blonde until the early morn. It was not like me to care about my sleep schedule. However, although this was never something I would openly admit, I was worried about the girls. Her taking the time to travel from Demacia each and every night to come just to speak with me.

"I wish she would stop this nonsense."

I spoke these words aloud to myself, lying in bed, just barely on the cusp of consciousness. My hands were covering my face, my elbows to the ceiling...I knew that was not the truth.

I was selfish.

Outwardly I tried to dismiss her, but the more time I spent with her, the harder it was to withhold how I actually felt. Yes, I worried, for each day she grew more and more dreary with her lack of sleep.

However, those hours now belonged to me.

She gave me that precious time and I never wanted it to end. The thought of her collapsing from overexertion brought me a tinge of heartache, but also a sense of pride.

It was wrong.

I, the great Talon, was in love with Luxanna Crownguard in all the wrong ways. A Demacian of all things, but that fact mattered not now.

I had slaughtered in cold blood, sought nothing for years but my own agenda, but yet...

When on my mind, she was all that was there. As if there were not room for much else. It still brought a sickening feeling to the pit of my stomach, but the more I am with her...

The more I felt there were no place else I'd rather be.

Asking for the feeling to go away had been a long running wish since this all began.

Though, that thought had begun to mutate. As if it were a mirage, disguising the true words of my heart. Go away, had become stay. I wanted this feeling to never end, the jubilation, the light feeling I got just seeing her. It was a war between heart and reason I knew I could no longer win.

'What if she had done this all out of pity?' I always asked myself. Alas, I knew this was not true either. There was so much more to it. That night she had tried to kiss me was proof of just that. She had noticed me long before I to her.

What was I supposed to do?

Never had I known the embrace of a woman. Never had someone shown me such genuine affection as she had.

I was scared.

I was so heart wrenchingly afraid of what would come from this. I had dug myself too deep, and now all I saw before me was nothing but misery. She was now a weakness. Something that could be used against me. And no matter what, if I could not have her then I would be miserable. It made me angry for many reasons, and for that I could not let it be known to her how I felt.

We could _never_ be together.

For her sake, and my own.

She would have to be my enemy,_ forever_.

My knuckles paled as my hands tightened around the rim of my sink. I looked up from the porcelain bowl and looked into the mirror. Pain visible across my features.

"Why did I... let this happen."

I held a hand to my chest. The feeling, it was so real. As if a dagger had gone through my heart. Why was love so painful, why could this not be conquered.

To make matters worse, all this time the General had not been on my mind.

But I loved her… _I loved her_. Couldn't he just… would he want that for me? Even though just that very thought could put her in danger. Just those very thoughts made me want to never kill again if it meant I could be with her.

It took away my purpose.

Was she truly worth throwing away years of my life, and starting over?

I had told her we could possibly go to that dance in Piltover, but of course when away from her and left to dwell on the repercussions, I knew it was a horrible idea.

"This will only make things worse..."

I did not want to go.

I knew I shouldn't have gone.

But I had to.

There were stronger factors that pushed me to do it.

When I saw the sadness in her eyes, I had told her maybe after I outright said no. Therefore, at this point, even if I had decided not to go myself...

She would still go.

With no means of contact, she would not know if I had decided to go or not. Knowing her, she would feel too guilty to take the chance of me not showing up. I knew she would be disappointed.

This dragged like a weight on my heart.

The other factor was that damn boy.

_Ezreal._

I knew his home was Piltover, and being a young man I was sure without a doubt he'd be there.

I would be setting the girl up for nothing but heartache.

No matter which choice I made.

Which was more fair? Saving myself future anguish, or keeping her present happiness alive?

I could handle the pain, I always had. This dagger in my heart, it stung. But it would heal.

Time numbs all things.

Perhaps just this once, I would do something for someone else. For a change.

•

Saturdays seemed to start bringing me anxiety, in light of all the events that had happened. Being one of my only days off, it had turned into a day where I started being shoved into social events.

I had hoped after this night, I would get peace from this mockery.

That I could try to end this all peacefully, and leave with my dignity.

It was as if the world knew I was in too delicate of a state to say no to the desires of this girl, and made sure those desires took me out of my comfort space as much as humanly possible.

Truthfully, I had not the slightest idea how this night would play out.

I sighed inwardly to myself as I entered the city of wonder.

...

And wonder it was. Piltover was one of those places that never seemed to grow old.

Perhaps it was because its technological advances extended far beyond any other place in Valoran. It had been years since I actively visited the city, and it never refused to take me by surprise when I saw the massive screens showing the newest and greatest gadgets being brought to light. It was incredulously overwhelming for one who is used to only airships at best. I stopped after a bit of gawking to realize I had not the slightest idea where this event I was invited to was being held at. Grumbling to myself, I looked around hoping there would be signs indicating the event.

Not a single one in sight.

Of course.

I had not been enthusiastic about possibly repeating what occurred in Demacia with that_ one_ girl, so rather than ask, I opted simply to walk around and find it myself.

It probably would have been best if I considered asking a man or a street patroller. However, I was also rather cautious.

I came dressed as myself, no disguise.

Of course, I kept blades on me as always, but no hood. Just normal civilian clothes, with my hair down to the sides of my face. I felt rather vulnerable as Talon. I felt absolutely no desire to socialize in the slightest. I was silently grateful I had come as early as I had; it took me just about an hour to navigate the city by myself.

My punctuality never ceases to save me from embarrassment.

Walking up to the club building, it was larger than I had anticipated. Probably about three stories, it was a silver metallic building with lights shining on it from the outside. Music could be heard from the outside that sounded like a mixture of pop and rock. It was catchy, but not quite what I had expected.

I entered the building trailing behind groups, trying to stay discreet. The inside of the club was full of dancing people, blaring music, and the smell of alcohol lingered in the air. The scene was not quite as appalling as the night of that girls' party, but I still did not feel very comfortable. I went up to the bar to the left and ordered myself a shot. I would need something to help me through this night, especially if I ended up being alone.

I felt my cheeks flare up.

What if she did not even come? For any reason. I would have put myself through this humiliation for nothing.

I groaned to myself after downing my drink, ordering another.

•

I had swung about three shots, when I felt someone tap on my shoulder. From past events, I had become very hesitant to look to see who it was. Mostly because it was never who I wanted it to be.

"Talon?"

I heard a soft voice speak my name just loud enough for me to hear. I turned slightly only to stop in my tracks.

She was... I...

I quickly looked away from her.

"That bad, huh? I know it's a bit out there. Though, tonight was a retro night, so I thought maybe I'd dress a bit to fit the style." I heard her laugh nervously, her hands covering her knees.

She sat down next to me, just close enough that I could see her in my peripheral vision.

She wore a tight navy blue dress that came up to about mid hip. It was a turtle neck, backless. Her golden hair was slightly curled, giving it volume along with her typical head band. Along with a pair of white sneakers. She smelt different as well. It was a much stronger scent, but equally as intoxicating.

I asked for another shot.

I did not need this stress in my life.

"You look... fine. Don't worry. "

She beamed a bit, and watched as I downed my fifth shot.

Fine?

She looked delicious.

Irresistible.

It was so different from how she normally looked. She typically looked so innocent, so cute. This look though matured her greatly...

I felt my head start to cloud.

"I know you said you didn't like crowds," she outreached a hand to me, "so I have a place to show you."

She gave me a smile, her lips a dark shade of red. It reminded me of blood.

How I wish I...

I needed to stop this, I could not let what I downed control my actions and thoughts.

I took her hand, and allowed her to lead me.

She led me towards a set of stairs in the back where no one was located. I watched from behind as we quickly ascended, trying desperately to avoid looking at her body.

After climbing them, she opened a door at the top that lead to the roof of the establishment.

"Here, there are no people," I watched as she closed the door and locked it with a key, "and there are only two keys to get in here, so no one will come to bother you."

Her doing such a thing almost caught me off guard. To be quite honest, it had reminded me of what that other female had tried to do all those weeks ago, though not quite as forceful and clearly with cleaner intentions.

I thought I almost felt a slight pang of disappointment.

The view from the top could take your breath away, or, perhaps that was the alcohol. The club building was located on a hill in the city, so from the top you could practically see all of Piltover. All of its bright lights and constant sounds were far different from either that of Demacia or Noxus.

"Is this better than it was downstairs?" she looked towards me, her hair slightly blowing.

Up here with it just being her and I…

She made this so hard.

"Lux… listen I, there is something you need to know."

She leaned to me grabbing my arm gently and leading me toward the center of the roof.

"We have all the time in the world to talk. But for now, let us enjoy this moment while it lasts."

The music was fainter and slightly muffled, but it was still audible enough to hear. Her hips began to sway back and forth as her hands bent to her side and she moved closer to me.

"You told me you didn't dance. But, you never told if you could or not," she chuckled a bit as she started to spin her feet to the pace of the music, "I don't actually know how to dance myself… I only know dancing from the old movies I'd watch when we'd take trips here. I imagine my dancing is probably a little… outdated."

Her eyes closed as she began to move her arms back and forth, swinging to the beat. Unlike most others I've seen dance in this day and age, she was a bit old-school with her moves.

Though compared to how I danced, that wasn't nearly as bad.

The innocence of it all did nothing more but make her more desirable.

Standing there with my arms crossed, I watched her dance to herself with a small smile on my face. Eventually she stopped still and opened an eye at me, "it's… I am pretty sure you're supposed to do it in a pair. At least, that's how it was done in the movie. We don't have to touch though, it's just sort of a…" she began to recreate her moves again, motioning for me to copy her.

I was extremely reluctant to put myself through such a display. However, as she continued to dance, I could see her face start to strain with embarrassment. Sighing, I uncrossed my arms and attempted to recreate her moves, moving at a slower pace as I watched her.

"This is ridiculous, I look ridiculous."

She laughed.

"Well here no one can see you, so it's okay!"

Somehow, in this city, I wasn't so sure about that.

After about a minute, I was tempted to stop, when she moved in closer to me. Increasing the pace of her movements, I saw that she was trying to get me to jump into the pace with her. Avoiding her eye contact, I looked down at her feet and tried to duplicate the motions. I closed my eyes as well, starting to enjoy the beat and her presence.

Without realizing, I had moved closer, accidentally knocking my head against hers.

She stepped back laughing, rubbing the top of her head.

"Well, at least you tried," she giggled a bit, her hand moving to her mouth.

Feeling my face heat up, I looked down in embarrassingly.

I knew how to dance… just not like this.

Grabbing her hands, I watched her face suddenly change to a look of surprise as I placed her left hand on my shoulder. Positioning my right hand on her back, her other hand was clasped within my own and slightly outstretched.

I began to step to the beat of the music.

"T...Talon? I don't really think this sort of dance matches the mus-"

"It doesn't matter."

I kept my eyes closed.

If I were to be forced to dance, I'd do it the only way I knew how to. As children, the Du Couteau sisters and I were trained in ball rooming dancing in order to help refine ourselves. The General wanted us to have a bit of class in our lives. It had been so long since I had last danced. However, I couldn't bear to watch myself.

I could feel her soft skin under my hand that held her back. Such minor amounts of skin and yet it felt so enticing… never had I felt such a need for more.

"Ouch!"

I snapped open my eyes, stepping back after accidentally stepping on her foot,

"Ah, don't worry about it! I should have been watching my feet better."

I looked at her plainly.

"Is this… something you enjoy? Dancing?"

I was trying to sound as comprehensible as possible, though my current state of intoxication could more often than not make that a difficult feat.

"I thought maybe I would enjoy it, I've never gone dancing before…"

She stepped back herself, looking down at the ground, her right hand rubbing her arm awkwardly.

"What about Ezreal? Does he not live here, why had he not taken you?"

"I never had the time. It's ironic isn't it, he leaves me when I am free…"

Her shoulders slumped.

"What was it you… wanted to tell me earlier?"

She looked up at me, her face somber.

...

"We can't be together Lux."

I watched as her stare directed back towards the ground. Being so blunt was perhaps not the best way to go about such a subject, however my current state did not help my social skills.

"I… know that. I knew that I mean. I mean you! You're Talon! Why… why would you ever want to be with someone like me right?"

I heard her give a small laugh as her hands came to grab the opposite arms for security.

"You don't understand…"

"No, I do understand. I understand more than people who say 'you don't understand' seem to get. Talon I… I like you okay. And I know that's weird, I know it's wrong. I…"

She squatted down, her hands covering her head.

I took a step toward her.

What would I say? This was like the night she told me about her family, I knew I would not have the right answers and yet I knew this all had to be said.

"Are you afraid… Talon? Are you _afraid?_"

Her hands came down to her knees as she looked up at me, her eyes slightly glazed.

I gave her a frown before kneeling down in front of her, staying silent.

Was it truly so obvious?

"I am afraid too…. there is a lot to be afraid of. I don't want to be hurt again, and yet I… I wanted this. I've wanted this for awhile and now that it's here…I am full of uncertainty. I realize now. You're like a wolf."

She smiled, her eyes starting to brim over.

"You're a creature that can never be caged, and me asking you to do these things… it's unfair, no, it's cruel. Please… forgive me," I heard her choke on her words and she slid her head down between her knees.

All this time I had worried to myself about how I felt, about the pain I was in. I let my selfishness blind me. I may have been in love with something pure, but she? She desired something dark, something tainted.

Something evil.

'_You're a creature that can never be caged...'_

It was just as with Ezreal. She saw me as free. She knew nothing of the General and what I owed him.

"You're wrong… what is unfair is me allowing you to put yourself through this. I am nothing but a killer. I lie and deceive… you think you know me, but you do not."

I reached out, placing my hand on her own, "Lux, I am nothing but a loyal dog. I will never be free. You are still so young, you could do so much better."

She raised her head her face contorted shaking it slowly, "That's just not how things work… I guess I am not as smart as everyone thinks I am…"

I gave off a small chuckle.

"Knowing someone's life does not determine the level of your intelligence, it merely shows your lack in knowledge of that particular person. I suppose it is something we… all eventually learn. We are not all open books, we must be read over time."

What was I saying? This was not how this was supposed to go…

"You've known this will never work, and yet you still pursue it…"

"I thought… you wanted this too."

She paused.

"Not the dancing, I mean…"

I nodded in understanding, my face straight.

"My wants should not matter to you. I am a selfish person. This path, Lux, it will bring you nothing but heartache."

"I know…"

"Then why tread it?"

"Because I'll always want you."

She shifted her legs to the ground underneath her and leaned in closer to me.

"You've told me yourself. We are similar, we come from different backgrounds and yet we feel the same pain. You were the only person I felt would ever truly understand me. I spent so much of my life hesitating, so much of my life letting others control me… for once, I want to make this choice. Let it be bad or good, let it happen. I want you, Talon…"

I once more found myself lost in her eyes.

'_I want you, Talon.'_

"I don't know… what I should do."

I had tried to sway her, and yet she insisted to me this was what she wanted. I could not help but feel she was making a grave mistake, but the more she accepted it.

The more I wouldn't let her go back on those words.

She gave a small laugh, tears slightly shining in the corner of her eyes.

"Neither do I! I am so lost, I have never been so lost in my life!" she breathed out, placing her hands behind her, as she slid her legs out from under her splaying them to the sides of me.

"I am going to die someday though, as we all are. And well, this is a risk I am willing to take."

"I wanted to kill you originally. I hated you, I hated you so much."

"And what about now?"

Damn this girl.

I leaned in over her, placing my lips over hers. I had not the slightest idea if my actions were right or not for her, however to me it just felt _right_. As if words could not describe the overwhelming sensation from hearing her tell me of her own desires.

Of telling me she wanted _me_.

I grabbed one of her legs, sliding it back into the other before placing my legs on the sides of her own. Taking her back into my arms, I delved farther into the moment. I felt her tense, before feeling her delicate hands wrap around me.

It was ecstasy.

She tasted so sweet, her lips a strawberry flavor. Her smell, her softness, it killed me.

_It killed me._

If this was how love was supposed to feel, I wanted this moment to never end. This taste was far more pleasant than the metallic taste and smell of blood.

I felt her grasp onto me tighter as our lips slid over each others, it was a passionate sensation. I felt her open her mouth slightly, I felt myself about to repeat the action, but then a sound was heard from the door. Stopping suddenly, we both looked over, toppling a bit as two people opened the door and walked in.

"And here it is- Lux?" the two of us looked up mortified as her brother Garen stood in the doorway. "What is it you're trying to show me, you know I'm not good with surpris…" a red headed woman stopped dead in her tracks.

"Talon…"

By the gods…

"_Lux?!_ What in gods name is the meaning of this," the man exploded as his sister leaned back, cowering.

"G-Garen please! Let me just explain… I… it's," she stumbled over her words, grabbing the hem of her dress and sliding it farther down her thighs.

"There is nothing to be explained. It is pretty clear what is going on." He looked towards me.

I peered over towards Lux who very clearly was afraid. No matter who she was with, the fact he strikes this much fear into her was not alright. I also remembered she had on red lipstick, noticing it slightly smeared on her face.

I can't imagine I looked any different.

Katarina grabbed Garen's arm before he spoke, shoving him out of the way and walking over towards me.

"Talon, what the hell is this? What made you think this was a good idea? She is a _child!_"

"She is eighteen."

I heard Garen scoff.

"No matter. She is also…"

The redhead paused.

"What? What's that Kat? She's also, what?" I stood up, my form slowly towering over her.

"She's a Demacian right? Just like the man you walked in with." I used my sleeve to wipe my face. "I knew you were no better than I. Do not talk so highly to me when your hypocrisy screams right before me."

She stammered back, gritting her teeth.

"This is different Talon, this is not what you think. We…"

"Save it, Katarina. Do not bother me with the formalities of your lies. Do not waste your breath on words you know will only cause you and this brute tension later." I sneered towards her.

The two looked at each other, both of them clearly just as embarrassed.

How _dare_ she try to ridicule me.

I bit back my rage, trying to stay calm for the young girls sake.

"We saw nothing, if you saw nothing. And we shall leave it at that."

Looking down bitterly, the couple turned hastily and left, closing the door behind them.

"N-no.." the blonde trembled on the floor, her eyes streaming with tears, "my brother… he will hate me now. I am a traitor to our faction… I…"

"Lux."

I stood still, my back to her.

I breathed slowly, trying to relax as to not snap at her. Her words, they hurt, however I knew this was a delicate situation.

"Do not let your brothers presence intimidate you. Think of all you told me. You did this because your life was not bounded by factions. Because you wished to be free… look at him. He is no different."

She looked up.

"You… you're right. I'm just, I…"

"You need to stop talking."

I turned back to her, stooping down to sit by her. We sat against the side edge. I laid my head back and breathed out frustratingly.

"This will be so hard… I don't know… I don't know…"

I told her to be quiet once more before taking my own hand and covering my face. Of all the times this had to happen, it had to be then. What horrible timing.

I groaned to myself, my face flushed.

I looked above me into the evening sky, my eyes dark.

Katarina disgusted me with her bigotry. As if she had any right to lecture me on who I could and could not be with, when she was absolutely no better.

I looked over slightly at the young woman, who was tightly hugging her legs to her chest.

She was right, this would be hard.

Was this still all worth it?

•

We sat on the roof for a good half an hour in silence before finally descending back through the building. There was no sign of Katarina or Garen, so it was assumed they had left after finding us.

We avoided each others eye contact, and walked through the now diminished crowd of people to the exit.

"I'm… so sorry for what happened tonight. I should have realized sooner that…"

I gave her a stern stare.

"I do not want to hear it. It was unexpected, it is not as if we knew they would both be there. What they saw is none of their concern. Besides… you already made your choice."

She looked into my eyes, her eyes wide.

"You mean… but what if…"

"Who cares, we'll deal with it as it comes."

She gave a small nod.

We walked outside toward the road. I had said goodbye and turned to leave, when I felt something anchoring me.

Turning back to her, I saw her holding my arm, a pained look on her face.

"I know I can't ask much of you. I know there will be a lot of restrictions with…_ us._ Thank you though. You really…. you handled that situation a lot better than I had. I feel kind of stupid, to be honest."

Her face was beet red.

"You're not stupid. Not by any means. I am just used to talking myself out of bad situations. It is probably one of the few things I am good at."

She shook her head.

"I don't think that's true…"

"I wasn't even properly capacitated. I've been out of it for awhile."

A confused look grew on her face.

"You had only drank one…"

"Five, I had five. You only just saw me drink one."

She released my arm, backing up.

"You... hold yourself pretty well for being intoxicated…"

"That is because I have grown a high tolerance…"

I heard her whisper a small 'oh' to herself.

"I am leaving now. I will see you when I do."

I began to walk away when she ran in front of me, stepping up and kissing me on the cheek.

I back away almost instantly.

"I… what are you, here?"

I stuttered a bit as she leaned back and giggled..

"Lux?"

She stopped laughing, and turned back. I looked ahead of her, anger starting to reboil within me.

"_...Ezreal?_"

I knew it.

"Lux… what are you doing here?"

The young man walked up to us, a confused look on his face. He looked up at me.

"You used to never come out to these things… and you're…"

He stopped, going silent.

We both looked at each other coldly.

"Talon? You're Talon. Lux, what are you doing here with _this_?"

I stayed straight faced as she hastily retaliated.

"Ezreal, that's extremely rude."

I saw the blonde male start to laugh nervously to himself.

"Rude? _Rude?_ Look at yourself Lux. You've stooped so far as to be some Noxians' plaything!"

I watched as the boy grew heated, with Lux standing in shock before biting back.

"Who I spend my time with is none of your concern!"

"And yet you would never have spent that with me? All that time... was this who you were spending your hours with?"

"No, of course not!"

The man looked at me, disgust filling his eyes.

"This man is a murderer, Lux, A monster. What are you thinking?"

I felt my hand twitch, my hidden blades rubbing slightly against it.

"I am thinking that he is still standing right in front of you, and that your words are extremely inconsiderate!"

"Like that matters to me! He doesn't care about you. I figured you would know better than this! I can't let you do this to yourself."

The boy reached over to grab her hand, as I swiftly latched on to his wrist. My grip death-like.

"I do not think that is your choice to make, boy. She already made hers."

He stepped back, an appalled look on his features. Snatching his arm away, he stepped back.

"I will not let you ruin your life Lux. We may no longer be together… but that doesn't change the fact I am still your friend!"

She stood behind me, holding her own hands silently.

He shoved a hand to my face, pointing.

"I swear by anything, I will convince her otherwise of this. You're not going to get away doing this, you _filth_. You and I know that she deserves something better than someone who slaughters for a living. Do not think I'll let this go so easily."

I watch him turn on his heels, retreating into the building.

What a night.

"Oh god…I am so embarrassed. God I am so sorry, this night has gone horribly."

I watched her grab her face, keeping her head down.

I reached over, taking her into my arms.

To say I was feeling bloodthirsty was an understatement. And although touching was something I typically like to avoid, I knew she was the only thing that would calm me enough to make me not want to slit someone's throat.

"Take the time to think over all of this. And truly make your choice when you're in a clearer state."

For once I did not feel like the fool, and yet I wish I could take that burden from her. My image was tainted by my reputation, but for her…

Her reputation was all she had.

I felt her nod into my chest.

She had given me her permission however, and now nothing would stop me.

Not Garen, Katarina, Ezreal, no… no one.

She wanted this, and no amount of doubt would keep me from getting what I desired as well.

Though, I was far from a clear state of mind myself.


	13. Suffering

_**A/N:**__ Is this real? Am I actually updating? I know it's been forever and a day guys and I am so sorry. I actually stopped playing League for awhile so obviously that had an influence on whether or not I was going to continue writing a League related story or not lol, but my love for TalonxLux was rejuvenated so here I am. I've been mostly doing a lot of FFXIV RP, so hey maybe my writing style might come off a bit differently. Hopefully for the better, we'll see._

_To my Reviews:_

_**The1Guy:**__ I've had a lot of people come to me saying he wouldn't kill for sport, but the thing is, Talon has a compulsion. A lot of people want to try to make him out to not be as bad as he really is, but the reality is that Talon is a bad guy. Now, do I think he is inherently a bad guy? No I don't, but that will be talked about more in this chapter._

_**constancexx:**__ Thank you for reviewing more than one chapter! I am sorry for the long wait, but I hope this chapter doesn't disappoint!_

_**Adonna2424:**__ Terrible night indeed, and with these two, nothing will come easy. I feel the beginning of their relationship might be a bit bumpy and emotional, but we'll see where things go, yeah?_

_**Raisins203:**__ Guess you're just gonna have to read and find out, huh? ' w '_

_**Voidwalker:**__ Glad it didn't disappoint, I am sure the long wait and anticipation for 13 did though!_

_Thank you everyone who reviews and favorites, and for staying by this story as it continues forward._

_Updated: Bumped the rating up to M, and this chapter is now fully edited! Thanks to my pal for always looking over them all!_

_Cover Image belongs to irahi on deviantart_

_All rights reserved to Riot Games and their ownership of these characters and lore_

* * *

**Lumen Crimseon**

**Chapter XIII | Suffering**

I hadn't seen her for weeks after that night.

The first couple evenings, I would wait at our spot on the dock for her to come, but it was always the same.

I… felt concerned.

I was tempted to go and see her myself, however if something had happened between her and Garen, I'm sure she would not be easily accessible. Despite all the emotions already fluctuating through me, unease over another's well being was still… new to me.

Whether or not I felt something for this woman didn't mean I would just… change? I mean sure, I yearned after her, but I was still the same murderous Talon. That didn't mean I would start to become someone else.

Did it?

I suppose, perhaps it did. I never experienced any desire to hold or touch someone sweet and soft. To love and be loved. Those were never thoughts that burdened me. While I still considered them weak and disturbing… they also lightened my dark heart.

This didn't change that I still would love to see Ezreal's head on a platter.

…

How do I admit to myself I missed her being close.

When I had finally gave in and accepted what we were? When she broke down her desires to me? When I felt her lips on my own?

Part of me knew this was what I wanted. I knew that she was worth the stress I would inevitably have put on me. At least, so I told myself.

I always tried to remind myself that love… blinded people at times.

I still didn't care.

Unfortunately, much still plagued me.

Her brother now knew of our relationship, Katarina as well, that was certain. Our actions that evening were less than subtle. I was not concerned about the younger Du Couteau sister, however Lux was not so fortunate with her own family.

Our relationship was now a heavy chain around her, and the thought of forgetting about her, of breaking that chain and freeing her of those binds.

It both enticed me and made me ill.

After so much suffering, so much treading through shallow waters, I had finally allowed myself hold her in my arms. A short lived romance broken by the reality of what our lives are.

She was worth the discomfort, but I could not allow her to make things worse for herself. Not if I was truly being honest with myself on how I felt. No matter how much I wanted to hold on, after everything that has been said and done…

I had to let her go.

I had to.

I sighed out, looking out into the lake. The silence of the night around me stung, the air cold as I stared at the black, starfilled water. "I should have never done this…"

I should have never done this to her.

If I really loved her, shouldn't I consider her pain? Her struggle?

Despite these words, my mind didn't care. I was at war with myself on the matter.

She made her choice, and that choice was that she was _mine_.

I don't give away what's mine.

I would go and retrieve her. We'd go somewhere, live somewhere else. It sounded ridiculous, sounded compulsive. I would be betraying my loyalty, she turning her back to her people.

I didn't care.

My life was that of killing and violence. Secrets and deception, and while my loyalty lies with the Du Couteau family…

It never truly lied with Noxus, not since the General's absence.

She might hate me, she might scream and kick and insist she didn't want to leave as I dragged her away…

But I knew she deserved better.

Did I consider myself better? No, but what I did know is that I had love to give her, and that was more than her family would be willing to give.

That is for sure.

I took a sip from the whiskey bottle I had tightly in my grasp.

Perhaps it was the alcohol getting to my head, it was unlike me to think so impulsively.

In truth, I didn't know what to do.

Like usual I was lost, confused, upset; and I knew I wouldn't go and snatch her from her home.

I wanted to have the answers, to make everything right, to fix things and make them better.

But that simply just wasn't how things worked.

I wasn't the man to fix things. I was the one to destroy them.

I just wanted to see her again.

I wanted to see the General.

I wanted to stop feeling so angry, so depressed.

I wanted to stop hating myself and my actions.

I placed the bottle down next to me on the dock, grabbing at my hair and just about tearing it out before laying back onto the dock harshly.

I couldn't stop the tears of frustration from rolling down my face. The pent up anger from months of indecisiveness, years of loathing. It had been years since I'd cried.

It was relieving, if even just for a moment. I screamed and yelled and I cried.

I didn't care if it was weak, here no one but I could see the pain drip from my face.

Here in the darkness of these woods, alone with my own company.

I had the freedom to be honest with myself for once.

It felt right.

•

I continued on as normally as I could. A part of me even began to believe that perhaps Ezreal's words had gotten to her. If that were the case, then this departure was for the better.

So I kept telling myself.

I laid in my bed, having returned from the league to the Du Couteau manor. Gloved fingertips touching my lips, I exhaled heavily through my nostrils.

I was still filled with desire. The desire to touch and kiss her.

Soon enough, I would see her again on the field. Then what? She would most likely smile and wave, pretend that nothing was wrong. That nothing had happened.

I don't know what would be more painful. That, or seeing the truth.

I groaned out, grabbing my hood and tugging it over my face. At times like these, I really did wish I had actual friends, but those sort of things were meaningless to someone such as myself.

Then again, I could say the same about her. Yet, here we are.

"Knock, Knock," an alluring voice came from my door. I wasn't foolish enough not to know who it was, but opted to stay silent.

"I know you're in there T. You've been moping around more than usual. Katarina has been bothering me about it again," her voice came through the door, muffled. "I know I am not much for talk, but I figured after our last conversation that perhaps…" her voice trailed off.

Cassiopeia wasn't one for compassion. I might have found myself surprised that she was even at my door, showing such a thing. Yet, she typically only came to harass me when she was being bothered by her younger sister.

"Listen. I'm not going to try and coax you into talking to me about anything. In truth, I don't really care all that much. I just figured it would be more interesting than Katarina's grousing and sitting in my room. I know you, Talon. Just as you say, more than you know. If this is about... that... then I know you are probably frustrated that you have nobody you can go to."

I hate when she does that. When she knew what was on my mind, it always bothered me...

"If you need me, I will be in my ro-"

I opened the door slowly, looking to her with tired eyes.

"I do not need your help, Cass. Nothing is wrong."

She stared at me a moment, her piercing serpent eyes narrowing some.

"Then why open the door?"

We stared at each other for a good couple of seconds, before she shook her head and patted a hand to my shoulder.

"Come on T, you still like taking baths? Don't think I'll be doing this for you ever again," she murmured out, leading me from the door frame down the hall to her room.

She knew me. She knew I wasn't honest enough to admit I was heartbroken.

•

I soaked in her bath a long while. Most would come to think that this would make things uncomfortable between us. In reality, it wasn't too out of the ordinary. Perhaps days and years were going by faster than I remembered, though: it had been quite a long time since I offered Cassiopeia my company while soaking in a tub.

Most of the time was spent silent. Her, sitting on the other side of the bathroom, putting some new and improved formula on her face in an attempt to make herself look less horrifying. I, simply relaxing in the sweet lavish smells of her tub.

Such a feminine scent…

"So. That night didn't go well, I assume,"' she finally spoke out, not bothering to look back to me as she patted at her cheeks.

"Mm. It could have gone worse. Someone could have died,"

The woman laughed out in a gross fashion at my comment, waving a hand back. "Damn it all T, way to think optimistically. So, I will take that as a 'yes dear sister, it went horrible.' Listen, boy. Sometimes things don't go as planned. That's rather normal for us, as we don't really follow orthodox ways." She wiped her hands down before turning to me. I might have almost flinched from her mud covered face, were it not for the fact that I saw her applying it in the mirror.

"Good look, it suits you." She rolled her eyes at my words, flicking her fingers a bit. "Don't test me, you're in a vulnerable state. I could easily poison that water," she snarled some, reclining against the counter as her snake body spread out in front of her.

"Right… right." I breathed out heavily through my mouth, dipping my hand into the water to wipe down my face, "it's over now. It's better this way. I can focus on better things other than some woman."

"You say that T, but you and I both know that's not what you want. If it were, you wouldn't be acting as you did when father up and disappeared."

My face strained. It was nothing like that. Lux did not come even remotely close to the General.

"Don't give me that face. Don't think I can't see that. Talon, you see her differently from him, but that doesn't mean the feelings aren't the same. I'm not gonna tell you you're in love with the girl. I really doubt that for a lot of reasons… but you do like her. A lot, clearly. It's not my job to take care of you, or pretend to be your mom, or even your sister. This could be a good chance to make your life… well, less shitty." She shrugged some, dismissing her language. "I know you like killing, but you need to ask yourself... why? Why do you like taking others lives and what does it do for you? Don't take my words as scorn, I am not _that_ hypocritical."

I stared at the bath water a while, considering her words. I killed… because it made me stronger. It made me feel better… but lately, it just wasn't working.

It wasn't the same…

I do not know why I feel it is so wrong to find happiness in the pure and good. Why it seemed so bad to abandon my violent ways.

Was it that I feared the General's disappointment if he learned of what I did? Would he consider me weak for turning my back on killing?

My mind wandered to his secret room. The picture of Katarina, Cass, and I. Didn't he… try to give me a good life? Try to teach me morals, but never force them on me? Noxus wasn't the most ethically considerate city-state… but the General… he wasn't like Swain.

"I don't expect you to answer me, as usual, but I know you can find the answers you desire on your own. You're a big boy, Talon. Isn't it about time you started acting like one?"

Stretching her arms above her head, Cassiopeia slithered out of the bathroom, "I'll be napping, don't wake me up or I'll scratch you, understand? Clean up after yourself, too." Her words faded off some, as the faint sound of her plopping into her sheets could be heard.

Despite all that Cassiopeia has done, all the selfish and terrible things… she wasn't, actually, so bad.

Perhaps she had learned something from her mistakes… or perhaps even she never truly had someone to talk to. It wasn't as though the Du Couteau daughters were fools. Her advice hadn't proven to be wrong. She should learn to take it for herself some time.

More importantly, she was right. I have been acting like a small boy, lost and afraid. With the General gone, I fell into bad habits.

I am no boy, though. I am a grown man now. A grown man, whose life was still ahead of him.

Did I regret my choices? My compulsions to kill and those that I had? No, regrets weighed heavy on the heart, and causes hesitation. I did not regret.

No, I desired to make more of my skills. This aimless blood lust could be used for better things.

This was more than just about Lux. This was about understanding that I could do better. I still do not hold anyone's life with value, but perhaps in time… I could manage to find those that I did. It was not as though I had not already. It was hard to trust, but in truth… was that not what I wanted? I killed Kavyn in cold blood… my only friend, because I was afraid of betrayal. Because I wanted the power taking his life gave me.

It brought me happiness.

What I had become because of it, did not.

My eyes glared up as I looked at myself from across the way in the mirror.

I did not deserve peace for my atrocities. I did not deserve Lux, and I did not deserve to find the General.

But perhaps in time, I could earn such luxuries.

Never had something stirred my life as much as meeting this woman.

And I wasn't ready to let that go.

•

Much to my own disbelief, my mood significantly improved.

I accompanied Katarina on some scouting, clearly bringing her some relief, and even began returning to the League more frequently.

It had been awhile since I had seen_ her_, and I had managed to push her to the back of my thoughts as I focused on honing my abilities. Still dropping heads on the Fields of Justice, I did so with the bigger picture in mind. It was not just about the slaughter.

But to protect.

It was a new concept for me. I never had considered it. If I could use my strength, my blades to keep what I wanted, safe... then killing, it was not aimless. It was not just a compulsion.

I found it difficult to try and save my teammates from rough situations. It wasn't really what I was meant to do, but I still did it none the less. I found myself dead at the hands of the enemies often, my teammates ungrateful. While it was frustrating... I was at least doing what I had intended.

Training myself. My mind.

It wasn't so bad.

…

I finally saw her again.

I stood across from her on the field, our eyes met after weeks of being separated.

She had that smile on her face, that mask.

It made my heart sink, as though she didn't even know who I was.

I really wondered if she actually did.

I wanted to ask what happened, but instead I slashed away at the minions, my eyes always on her.

Her eyes tried desperately to avoid mine.

Time passed, and soon enough we both had our ultimates ready.

I questioned whether she would go in to kill me, whether I would go in to kill her.

Finally she looked up to me and for once, for one moment.

I saw her.

Sad eyes, pained, her hands gripping her baton.

And all I heard uttered from her lips were two words.

"I'm sorry."

It happened in a moment too fast for me to comprehend with my distracted mind; Udyr charged from the brush toward the blonde, tackling her down and beating at her in his tiger form. "Assist me!," he yelled out to me as he continued hitting at her despite her cries, my eyes wide as I watched the scene before me.

I would not hesitate, not again.

Taking a deep breath, I lept forward toward him piercing my blade directly into her heart.

Backing off some and grumbling under his breath quietly, Udyr switched forms, running off.

Looking down at Lux as she gurgled up blood from her mouth, still somehow grasping to some consciousness as she most likely waited to respawn, she looked to me with tear filled eyes.

"Ta-lon… I'm…"

Her mouth went limp as this form finally died, eventually fading in time for her to be respawned.

The look of horror never left me. That game… was the hardest I had to ever experience.

I couldn't tell you why.

•

I wanted to believe things were improving, but that day at the League had once more left me with plenty of uncertainty.

I hated Udyr for what he did, even though I knew it was his job.

I hated myself more for finishing it.

I hated all who killed her throughout the game. I hated them.

I did what I had to do, it wasn't as though there weren't others who had to fight those apparently close to them.

I had… missed her so much though. She knew, that the last thing I wanted was to meet her again under such circumstances.

Something was wrong.

I needed to see her, I needed to help her.

…

It was how I once more managed to find myself back in Demacia, at the same place where this all had started.

Sitting on her balcony.

I waited. For hours, to no avail. The room was vacant for most of the night.

Finally, I saw her return. From her bathroom of all places.

She knew I would be there, after today, she knew.

So I wasted no time in letting myself in.

"Lux."

I spoke out simply to her, as she sat on her bed. She kept her head down, her arms packed tightly to her.

"Do not think I forgot your words from that evening. Or my own."

I continued to speak, her staying silent as I stood in the darkness of her room.

"Not… so loud... "

Her voice came out in strained whisper, causing me only to nod.

I moved over to her, removing my gloves and my hood.

Kneeling down in front of her, I looked up to her face.

Distraught might not even be able to cut the look of despair crossing her features.

"I'm… sorry Talon. Ezreal… he… to them...I."

Her words came out in chokes, my stare to her plain as I slowly reached a hand to rest on her knee, not applying too much pressure.

Touches… were also still new for me.

"Ezreal will not stop me, Lux. Tell me, did they hurt you?"

She looked to me, her eyes red and her face puffy from crying.

Her silence was enough to tell me everything.

Most importantly of all, I reached and latched for one of her arms, pulling it toward me and looking at it.

It was clear.

"I have to… keep appearances… you know," she sniffs, offering me a weak smile.

I knew better.

"So you apply potions when you are done, when they are done, to heal them and avoid scarring. I am an assassin Lux, don't think I can't trace the scent of blood or medicine."

She hung her head low.

In truth, I was no blood-hound. I could not smell that in which has been thoroughly cleaned.

I just knew better.

Sighing out, my hand still gripping her wrist, I stood to my feet.

Pushing against her arm to move her back onto the sheets behind her, I moved forward onto her wrapping my arms under her and turning over to lie there.

Shaking some in my arm, she eventually wrapped her arms around me as well.

"You came to see me often. I will do the same for you, I will come and lie with you until you sleep. Is that okay?"

Regardless of her response, I would come, but when I felt her nod into me, I exhaled in relief.

Hand curling into her hair, I placed my nose to the locks, inhaling deeply.

"I missed you Lux. Stay by my side and I will stay by yours…

And I will never let you go."


	14. Discovery

_**A/N:**__ Hey guys! Actually managed to update in a reasonable time to strike hope in my readers! Actually I just stand around at my job a lot so I tend to bust my phone out and type the time away, so maybe as long as I am working this story will actually get finished lol._

_To my reviews:_

_**Snipaush:**__The subtle nature of the final part was done purposely, yes. I was aware that is was vague. While this chapter doesn't really go that much into her physical abuse, it is certainly something that is relevant__and will be covered in time._

_**Darius:**__ Most certainly not!_

_**Eclipse of Thunder**__: Aw, thank you, you have no idea how reviews like this really inspire me to keep writing. I hope to update more frequently!_

_This chapter has not yet been edited by my beta!_

_Cover Image belongs to irahi on deviantart_

_All rights reserved to Riot Games and their ownership of these characters and lore_

* * *

**Lumen Crimseon**

**Chapter XIV | Discovery**

My morals are questionable to most, but if there is one thing never to be questioned is my word.

I mean what I say.

Always.

And I kept that word, as much as I was able to. Once a week, became twice, than three as I scaled her balcony swiftly and silently in the dead of night.

The glass door was always left unlocked, her usually resting over her bed sheets in a long silk nightgown.

In the darkness of her silent room, the only things heard was the occasional airship overhead, the only things seen was the slight reflection of light pouring in from the moon, it highlighting her form.

I never spoke much. Simply moved over and sat beside her. I could never make out her figure too well, but even so my eyes adjusted in time.

I held great restraint.

Most days there was no touching, the most being a pat on the shoulder or leg. After my embrace from our reunion, it felt… awkward.

It was not as though I did not wish to touch her.

Only the gods knew how much I desired to run my fingertips over the skin concealed by silk.

To press her to me.

A part of me believed that months before. Before my scheme of going to Demacia to see her. Before my first steps onto this balcony.

I might not have hesitated to have forced her down, if the crimson red lens faded from my gaze and had only left me with the lust I felt.

Such thoughts made me feel ill to my stomach. That I would have willingly hurt her for my own pleasure.

To me, she was a delicate flower, and I the blades that sever her stem. Slowly but surely she would wilt.

Despite that, a part of my nature remained. As it always would.

I didn't care what happened. So long as she was close. Even if I tainted her slowly.

No one ever came to check on her, typically her bedroom door was locked. At times I questioned why this was, but never vocally.

Only once did I ask her to tell me what happened between Ezreal and her parent; within the week of finally getting to be with her again.

That being my assumption as to who 'they' were.

She refused to tell me. Frustrating, to say the least, but how could I vent that to her.

It was clear whatever was going on was hard enough as it was.

I wondered what she saw us as. I myself was not too sure what I saw us as. Were we partners? Lovers? I figured to be considered lovers most would have to…

I didn't want to think about that.

It wasn't… right.

I saw her in such an innocent light. I couldn't even bring myself to imagine her in such a fashion.

I wondered if she thought differently.

Despite that, no matter the case, I figured we were something enough that she would speak to me her problems.

However, I knew that trust could be hard to grasp, and she was sure to be in a difficult situation. I always considered who I was.

I wanted to be better than what I was before.

And so we laid there, sometimes she would tell me in gentle whispers of her day or of what books she read.

I just listened.

My shoulder to hers as she spoke. When she would eventually in turn question me, I told her of my typically uneventful day as well.

•

Something tugged at my mind, with each visit.

To my understanding, Ezreal had told something to the blonde's parent, something I have no specific knowledge of.

If what he said confined her to her room, it was bizarre to me just how calm she was about my visiting.

Wouldn't she be watched?

It caused me to grow wary.

Three days became two, then one.

Until in time I would only come and visit her at random, once a week.

Cautiously watching my back from the shadows. Waiting until far later to make my ascension. When I did find myself within her room, I found my ear to her door and wall.

Listening. Waiting.

Anxiously anticipating the one who must have knowingly been watching me come and go.

I was no fool. And neither was she.

So why?

"Talon... " she spoke out to me, reaching a hand out to touch my shoulder, me visibly flinching, causing her to retract away.

"Talon. Are you afraid of something?"

Turning my amber eyes to her slowly, I exhaled through my nose heavily, my hand reaching to my hood to tug it more over my face.

"Do I have a reason to be, Luxanna?"

I had went back to calling her by her full name. Mostly due to the fact everyone referred to her as Lux.

And I was not to be grouped with those who called her by such.

When I called her by her full name, I often saw her smile. Perhaps she liked it better that way.

"Mm. I don't think so. If you did, don't you think something would have happened by now?"

I couldn't have stopped the displeased grunt that escaped me, even if I had the desire to do so.

"Your words do not appease me. They do not calm nor make me feel better," my glare narrowed as her blue eyes softened.

I hated when she did that.

"Luxanna. How… do you see," I paused a moment, "what am I to you."

She sat there silently a good while, her gaze dropping from my own as she thought, her legs curled within the silk of her gown, to the bed sheets.

"We have known each other about half a year now. I myself can't even believe the time that has passed. It has given me time to think. Far too much time…"

I felt my chest tighten.

I had known this would eventually happen, but in our time spent together I prepared myself for the worse.

I had sated myself enough with her presence. I would miss her dearly. Gods I would miss her, but never would I regret the time I got to be with her.

I couldn't stop my teeth from clenching, anticipating her words.

I was a grown man, I could accept this.

I…

"At first I understood I had just a girlish crush. A desire for someone far out of my league a compulsion for something dangerous and exciting. Perhaps you could call it self-destructive tendencies…" she chuckles out, looking up at the ceiling.

"You've proven to be so much more than that though, Talon. I hope you'll forgive me for that,"

I felt my breath hitch slightly, opening my mouth slowly to speak but finding them fail to come out as she continued.

"You've become a close friend to me… I feel bad because I know… you probably dislike how much I hide… although I do it because I know you also understand."

She sighs out heavily, I unable to hide the scowl spreading over my features.

Raising her hands to my face, she tugged my hood down, my dark brown hair and even darker facial expression visible.

"Talon, would you kill me?"

"Stop being foolish."

She smiled.

"Talon, would you love me? As much as I have come to love you?"

My eyes widen some, the tightness in my chest seemingly increasing with a different tug of emotion.

I felt myself fall into bad habits, my already poor social ability dropping farther.

"I… uh… I…"

I stumbled some, the dour expression my face held relenting some.

"This… doesn't change anything," I grumbled out, "you still hide things and…"

My eyes met with hers.

Every time, it felt as though I became lost looking into a clear sky, something far grander and more lovelier than the clouds that shrouded my own.

"I want to love you."

Was all I could muster out.

Surprisingly enough, that answered seemed to please her.

"Trust, is something difficult for the both of us. I have shared with you my past, as have you, and yet there is still much that plagues me. I want to love you as well, and while I too have become warier of trusting too easily…

Could you be patient with me? I know it might be a lot to ask…"

"It would be hypocritical of me to say no. Despite my nature,"

I managed the faintest of a smile toward her.

Laughing out lightly, the woman tilted her head some, before leaning in to embrace me into her arms.

"Then to me, Talon, you are my best friend."

I could hardly bear the warmth that came over me inwardly, outwardly. From her touch, from her words.

I wrapped my arms around her as well, holding her tightly in my arms.

"Don't make me regret this… please …" my pathetic request spilled out unfiltered.

She merely nodded.

•

Our interactions that night led to us growing if not the faintest bit closer.

She sat closer, her hands wandered over me at times.

And yet I was just as much a leashed dog with her than I was with the General.

The General.

I wondered if he would be happy for me. If he would scold me for my actions. For who I associated myself with.

I suppose I would never know.

Like the girl, the General was also filled with secrets.

Perhaps it is selfish I desire more.

More.

Lux knew about the General somehow. And I wished to know more if this infiltration.

All things considered, she was probably a very wanted criminal by Noxus standards.

She also most likely knew that.

So much risk in coming to see me. I suppose I would be no different here in Demacia's walls.

It made me wonder.

If perhaps she thought I was using a very dark technique to eventually turn her in.

If this were so, are relationship was far rockier than I had feared.

I wondered who else was looking for her.

Something I never considered.

•

Back at the Du Couteau manor, most went by as usual.

I would occasionally accompany Katarina like I had for the past couple weeks.

She never brought it up, what she saw that night. Perhaps she thought our connections severed after my mood shifted the following weeks. Most likely she just wished to not make things awkward.

It wasn't as though anything changed between us. The younger daughter and I always held a rather business only relationship. It made communication between us on a personal level strained.

Presumably why she pestered Cassiopeia so much.

Whenever I was at the house I typically kept to myself in my room, writing logs and reading over hit-proposals. All in which inevitably got shot down, much to the red-heads dismay.

Today was a bit different, strange and uncomfortable.

Today was Katarina's birthday.

Birthdays were still the few occasions in which we sat around a table and celebrated.

Most of the time it was pregnant silence and mere eating before we all left to continue on with our daily routines.

I couldn't lie and say I was fond of Katarina's presence after what she did on that rooftop. All the while I also couldn't completely blame her.

Unlike her brute, Lux was considered more than just an enemy to Noxus.

Knowing her, she didn't want to see my wellbeing threatened.

I understood, but I could not agree.

"Happy birthday baby sister, here is to another hopeful year of you not making poor enough choices to get yourself killed," Cassiopeia chirped out, raising a wine glass up before bringing it to her lips to sip.

"Thanks Cass, your birthday wishes are always just so sincere," the woman rolled her eyes, sipping from her own glass before rather obviously leering over to me.

I looked at her silently a moment, drinking from my own glass.

This was one of our finer wines, probably one of the only reasons I didn't hate birthday celebrations all together. I could always indulge in a good glass of…

"Talon…"

Wine.

"Yes?"

The woman's green eyes were piercing, much like her father's. One of the few traits she took from him. Setting her glass down, she offered a smile, that in which coming from the likes of her was only slightly alarming.

"I said yes Kat, are you going to keep staring or are you trying to start a contest?"

Her lips curled some.

"No thanks T, I've got better things to do," she snorts out, getting a laugh from Cass and an annoyed grunt from me.

"Oh Katarina, sister I'm so impressed. Never like you to make playful banter,.though it could use some work," the woman spoke out with a hiss of her serpent tongue.

"Yeah well, figured maybe I'd try to lighten up a bit, just a bit. If even for a day. Better than this guy over here at least," she offers a thumb in pointing toward me, only causing me to recline in my chair with a heavy sigh.

"Talon, have things been well?"

"It's your birthday Kat, why are you asking me this," I said curtly, stabbing my fork into our prepared steaks.

"Because it's my birthday," she narrows her eyes.

Tapping a light finger to my glass a bit, my eyes met with hers, I shrugged my shoulders.

"Well enough. What about yourself," it was my time to narrow my eyes, cutting the steak and putting the piece into my mouth with a slow chew.

By then, we both knew what we meant, whether Cass did or not was irrelevant to me as she was preoccupied digging her fangs into her meat.

"As well as they can be."

My eyes softed ever so slightly, I nodded to her before offering one of my own rare small smiles.

"Happy birthday, Katarina."

"Thanks, Talon."

…

After dinner concluded and Cass made her dramatic exit back to her room to most likely nap after stuffing her face, I found myself sitting in our main living area, staring into the flames of our giant lit fireplace.

It always seemed excessively large to me, but at least it was therapeutic.

The flames swayed and crackled, illuminating the darker room in a warm haze.

It was not long until I felt someone sit at the other end of the couch.

"Talon. I can't tell you not to see her. You're your own man, and despite how wrong it seems to me… there is nothing I can say that would ever convince you otherwise."

I tapped the fingers of my left hand to the arm of the seat.

"I will refrain from calling you a bigot to your face on your birthday, Kat, because saying this, is enough to get my point across to you."

I heard her exhale in annoyance, shifting my eyes over just a moment to spot her running her hands through her red locks.

"Gee thanks," she scoffs out, crossing her legs followed by her arms.

"Talon, that girl… she-"

"I know."

"No you don't, it's more than just being a… a Demacian! T, she's-"

"Yes, yes Katarina I know," I snap out some, my knuckles whitening as fingers grip to the arm, "she infiltrated Noxus's high command and stole valuable information, could potentially be the reason for the Generals disappearance amongst other things…"

My stare lowers past the flames to the floor, my grip loosening some.

"I know what sort of threat she is. I am not so ignorant."

I look over to her face, it visibly more tense.

"Then why?"

"Why Garen?"

My question came as swiftly as hers, leaving us in a strained silence.

Just like her, I had no answer.

Just like her, I desired something more pure and happy in my life, even if it went against all we believed in.

"I don't berate or judge you for being with him, Kat. All I ask is that you do the same."

In my other hand I lifted my idle wine glass, gulping some of its contents.

"I will find more information from her, but I do want you to know: My feelings, they are genuine. I am not using her for some sinister plot."

"Listen T, that's great and all, but someone such as yourself I'm sure understands how Noxus's system works."

I almost asked her what she meant until it dawned on me.

The look on my face might have given that away.

"That's right. She has a bounty on head, a very hefty one. One that only increases as years go by."

My grip tightened again.

"Then why would-"

"Then why wouldn't you have heard of it? Because this directly offended high Noxus officials. They didn't want numerous assassins going for her throat. No, this to them was personal. So they hired people closer to home."

I felt my teeth clench.

I was no fool as to what that entailed.

The Black Rose.

Despite being believed to have disbanded at some point, it was rather infamously known they had merely bided their time before showing their ugly heads back in Noxus's underground.

That much clear with Leblanc's surfacing in the Fields of Justice.

Leblanc.

If she knew of Lux…

I could almost feel the sweat begin to bead at my forehead.

The fire in the room suddenly felt so suffocating, its heat unbearable.

Leblanc was ruthless, worse than Swain in some cases and all were skeptical of his involvement with the Black Rose. They were once considered the social leader of all of Noxus. That was until their sudden disappearance, one that felt like it was over night.

I knew better though. These people, they worked from the shadows.

As did I.

Most of all though, Leblanc was deceptive. If she knew… there was the potential of walking into a very deadly trap at every step.

"I will not go out of my way to protect this girl, Talon. I don't care enough to do such a thing, but I would rather not watch you throw away the life my father so neatly laid out for you."

I turned my eyes darkly to the red-head.

"I don't need your protection _Katarina_, and neither does she. She has managed this far on her own…"

My words came out seethingly through my teeth, a sharp exhale through my nostrils.

Wait, wasn't this the woman I viewed as a flower?

Fragile?

No, she deserved more credit than that.

"Managed on her own? Talon, she is protected by her city, no assassin would dare step foot in Demacia. It's a death wish."

I almost felt myself inwardly smirk.

Almost.

"She's more capable than you think. She managed well enough on her own-"

"Yes she did, once. Fool us once shame on you, but don't think she'd ever get away with such a thing again, considering she is wanted."

The younger sister leaned forward, her hands clasped together tightly in front of her as her arms rested to get legs.

"Talon, do not let her come into Noxus if you value your reputation and our own. Even more so if you really care about her life. If anyone knows you have been with her… this sort of situation is that absolute dream of one of these people, just waiting for that gold pouch to fall in their lap. And her dead body on the steps of Swain."

I look away, 'tsking' out softly. I did not need the woman patronizing me like a child.

Then again, I still did not know how Lux knew where to find me when she visited my drinking spot.

I remained silent, having spoken enough and continued to casually drink my wine until Katarina huffed out in annoyance.

Getting up and marching out, I allowed my eyes to follow her, my lips resting to the rim of my glass.

Katarina's warnings, while demeaning, were not without truth.

•

We lay beside one another as we typically did, my visits scarce as usual, perhaps more.

It wasn't uncommon for us to sit in silence, enjoy one another's presence.

I felt slightly at ease beside her, but the daunting nature of our situation still weighed heavily on my shoulders.

"Luxanna."

My voice came out in a slight rasp from our lack of speaking, causing me to clear it after.

"Hm?"

"How did you know where to find me?"

The question was vague, but I knew she would understand. There was only one other time I asked such a question.

"I have my ways of acquiring information."

Such a response immediately invoked me to sit up, turning my legs off the side of the bed away from her.

"To say such a thing," I growled out.

"Do you not even comprehend the danger you have put yourself in? There are…"

"Of course I do Talon, don't think you're the only one who had a strong enough desire to slit my throat."

I sat silently, tugging feeling of remorse deep in my thoughts.

I pushed that feeling away.

"What made me so different?"

I felt a weight against my back, presumably her hands and head.

"It's hard to explain."

"Try me."

I felt her sigh, her touch was pleasant, but it didn't change my displeased expression.

"I knew a great deal about you, before I even met you."

My shoulders tensed.

Before I could even choke out the 'how' threatening my lips, I felt my heart stop at the addition to her statement.

"General Du Couteau… he told me of you."

"Before he died."


	15. Shame

_**A/N: **It's been ten months since my last update, but HERE I AM. I have been actually playing League again somewhat and also got a new editor that enjoys League as well and its characters, so hopefully this means updates will come sooner but noooo promises lol. Hope this update is worth it to those still following!_

_To my reviews:_

_**Adonna2424: **I hope you're not dead yet, because there is definitely more coming!_

_**Eraxavel: **I hope this update mends your ten month wounds, thank you so much for your comments!_

_**Turfymink:** I have a feeling I am going to get a lot of mixed feelings considering all the tension I left, lets hope the wait was worth it!_

**_Trigger warning for violence!_**

_Cover image belongs to irahi on deviantArt._

_All rights reserved to Riot Games and their ownership of these characters and lore._

* * *

**Lumen Crimseon**

**Chapter XV | Shame**

A part of me had always known. Always been aware.

Deep down I tried to tell myself it wasn't true, tried to forget. All thoughts of how she found me that night vanished from my head.

And yet, here the woman had once more managed to cause her words to echo through my skull painfully.

'_General Du Couteau… he told me about you. Before he died.'_

'_Before he died.'_

'_He died.'_

The General… my father.

Was dead.

Lost in my rapid thoughts of confusion, I had failed to notice my trembling state. Having moved to sit beside me, Lux watched from a distance as I attempted to mentally come to terms with reality. Were her words the truth? What reason did she have to spew out such nonsense if not for it being the truth?

"He...you-"

My words escaped my throat in a croak, emotion riddled in them as they spilled from my lips in a hot mess.

"I didn't kill him."

Her response came as fast as my stammering did, it apparent she could read the turmoil steaming off my person.

"Do not lie to me!"

I nearly yelled out, though still coherent enough to not foolishly give away my presence to others in the house. The tone came out as more of a frustrated whisper if anything, only managing to show more of my distress. Standing to my feet, I brought my hands to rake through my hair.

"Did you even… hear?! What you just told me you. You vixen… Y-you bitch!" I spat out, "All this time, you have done nothing but deceive me, gods what a fool I am, what a-"

...

Her fist collided with my cheek in a moment of weakness, of vulnerability, as my ranting had blinded me from her oncoming hit.

It was unexpected coming from the girl. Though, while at the time I may not have agreed, not unwarranted.

Once the stun from the hit died, I held a hand to my stinging face, looking to the blonde, my golden eyes wide with disbelief. Her expression was filled with anger, frustration. Tears threatened to fall from her glossy eyes as she held her fist out before her, her knuckles already bruising from the hard hit.

In a moment of anger and instinct, I reacted purely on reflex from pain.

From her hit, to my shove, the girl was brought forcibly to the ground by my hands, her head hitting against the floor with no amount of gentleness. Pinned to the floor, I felt my fingers tighten around her neck, Lux momentarily dazed from the tumble. Raking her nails to the back of my hands, she choked out for air desperately, tears streaming down her face.

"T-Tal...on…" she gasped out. Her clawing broke the skin, my blood dripping down onto her.

"Shut the fuck up! Don't say my name," I cursed down at her, seething as I pressed her down with more firmness, "Just shut-"

"Plea...please…" she cried, her face darkening as her voice became more and more forced, the air being squeezed out from her lungs.

Eyes widening at the display, my initial rage was beginning to wane, my fingers releasing from her throat as she began to cough out painfully, slowly moving herself to sit up and away from me.

Stumbling to my feet and taking a step back from her, I looked down to the woman with mixed emotions, eyes eventually trailing to my now bleeding hands. Hatred… for her… for myself. Pity… for her… for what I had done. Shame.

Shame.

"T...Talon…" she managed out, her voice somewhat hoarse.

Eyes locked onto my hands, I kept backing away from her, as if I could get away from what they had done, what _I_ had done, until my back reached the wall and I could only slump into a defeated mess onto the floor.

"I didn't… I didn't kill… him," she whimpered out, trying to quietly compose herself as she rubbed a soothing hand to the back of her head, then to her bruising neck.

Sitting there, my expression blank, I simply looked toward her. A man with nothing to lose. A man who saw nothing but the red that stood out over the graytones of my surroundings.

"Then who did?"

The question came without thought. She must hate me now... How could she not? My hatred and rage for words I had barely believed, justifiable even as I accused her of lying, but my actions showed my weakness in that moment. Now I was asking her for more, in the face of pain I caused her? I saw the blood, my blood, that marked her skin.

How could she ever forgive me for such a barbaric response?

"He… he was not the only one who wished for my head from Noxus higher ups, for what I did," she panted out, her expression mixed between exhaustion and determination.

I frowned.

"You don't have to tell me that, how do-" I stopped myself.

Not much else needed to be said. The answer, my answer was clear as day.

The Black Rose.

Tightening my fists, the pain that surged over me both physically and mentally came with no small amount of relief and frustration. Relief she was not the one. Frustration that his death was still indirectly her fault.

"I know… I know what you're thinking. And… I know there is nothing, no apology or words, that will ever bring back what was taken from you, Talon." I know what he meant to you. You told me… after all." The woman clasped her hands together, her fingers squeezing tightly, them turning white from the pressure outside of the dark bruise over her injured knuckles.

"I found him far from Noxus, hiding amongst the foliage of the woods I used for my own assignments at daybreak. His assailants had given up the chase against him, confident their inflictions and poisons would kill him... And that no Noxian soul would give him any aid. There was hate in his eyes, from seeing me. Even more so in my attempts to help him…" she spoke out quietly, her fingers rubbing her own injury. "I tried to help him, to give him potions, but he refused them. He refused them from me."

Breathing out painfully, Lux closed her eyes. "I told him he could refuse my help, but that I would in turn refuse to leave his side… until the end came. What I did, my infiltration, I didn't do to spite the people; Those who make their living in Noxus, who care… actually care for their city. It was a message toward those who corrupt, a testimony to my own faction who saw my capabilities, and wanted to unlock my potential. But I… I was still so young. I wasn't ready to see that." Her hands clenched atop her knees harshly, face twisted in pain as she seethed through her teeth. "To watch others die from my actions! Not… not again…"

Shaking her head painfully, Lux brought her hands to her face, her eyes now wide with misery as heavy tears plopped down her cheeks.

"Time passed and passed, and already he began going through the stages of death. Those were some of the hardest moments to witness… but what could I have done? What could I have done… my hands were not built for healing. The light they radiate… burns," she whispered out.

I sat there, listening intently. My eyes lingered on the slowly scabbing scratches covering the back of my hands. I knew she was not lying. General Du Couteau would have never accepted her help, and Lux was far too respectful of people's wishes. What I did not expect, in the midst of learning all of this… I did not expect to learn more of the girl. A part of me dismissed most of anything lingering on her own feelings, but the knowledge never escaped me.

"When his final minutes began to dawn on us, he… opened up. Perhaps because he knew… he had nothing left to lose," she looked up from her hands, toward me with a look of sorrow. "He told me. Of his family. Of his wife he loved and missed, that he would finally get to see again. Of the daughters he would leave behind. And… of the son he made his own, that he never… got to tell how proud he was of him."

…

It all felt like a dream, almost.

The sheer shock.

The surreal nature of what I was listening to. It felt as though I had breached something I thought would never be possible, found out things I never thought I would. In that moment, as the tears streamed down my face from my amber eyes, I… didn't care.

I didn't care if she saw the sadness.

"He was so… proud of you Talon. And his biggest regret… was never having the chance to tell you that. Those feelings, do not come from thin air. It was how I knew… when I finally got to meet you for myself. That you were more than just a bloodthirsty killer. To a man like him, you were more than that. You weren't a tool to him… you were his son."

Bringing a hand to my face, I closed my eyes. This… this was all too much. It was all too much to bear. The General, he would have been so disappointed in all of my actions until now. This man, this boy that I had become in his absence.

This was not his son.

Eventually bringing both of my hands to my face, I allowed the soundless teardrops to dampen my palms. I felt no shame in showing my sorry state to this girl, for in the moment I was a broken man.

In the midst of my sorrow, I felt an embrace come upon me.

In that moment, I felt like the stag.

She, the wolf.

Her fangs knew no end to inflicting pain, and yet her fur… the deep innocence in her eyes... brought me warmth in my injured state.

Was I a fool to find comfort?

"I know… you can never forgive me for what I have caused, Talon…" she cried out, pressing her nose to the top of my head, feeling her tears soak into my hair, "But I am… so… sorry. For this pain. For everything. For doing what I have… if… if I could take it back. If I could change what I have done… to never have to see you like this…" she sobbed out, her hands tightening to me, "I know… it will never be enough."

Blinking the tears from my eyes, I eventually glanced up, weary and hollow. Slipping my arms around her, I tugged her close to me, my arms tightening her to my body.

Never had the touch of another managed to calm me. Even more so, the very knife that stabbed me.

"I cannot forgive anyone. Most of all, myself," my shortened nails raked at her bare back, the pads of my fingertips digging into the exposed skin. "Losing the General… is a grief insufferable. Losing you, would mean losing everything that gives me a purpose. And I selfishly, blindly... hurt you. As these hands are so accustomed to doing so. The General in his final moments… despite all things… he exposed to you his most vulnerable self. Something even I had never seen. The man would have never fallen as such… even in death. It is clear…"

That she had touched him, the same way she had touched me.

Was this the effect Demacians had?

No… this was the effect _she_ had.

"You shared with him what you have told me… didn't you…" I asked out to her quietly, feeling her head nod against me.

Of course she did. She knew the man would take her secrets to the grave.

Exhaling heavily through my nostrils, I turned my lips to her collarbone, them resting against her warmer skin.

"Even now… I know there is still so much you withhold from me."

In the moment, I felt nothing.

No more pain. No sadness

No inhibition.

No care.

That numbness that followed, was harsh.

Blaring.

Stinging in its own sense.

I desired to feel anything, that told me I was still alive. That this wasn't just some… figment.

That this was real. Painful or not.

Raising my lips up her neck, one of my hands slipped down to her thigh, sliding up the silk of her dress. She did little to stop me, and my eyes remained open.

Watching.

This was wrong. And I knew. I knew it was wrong. We were both consumed by our grief, grasping for anything that might tug us free from this darkness that had clouded our heads, and for such seeked out the only emotion that easily presented itself. Anything, but this pain.

Lust. Passion.

Anything but the memories that now stabbed through our hearts.

Time passed by, almost in slow motion, and with each passing moment our touches grew far more desperate. My teeth grazed the soft, freckled skin of her shoulder instinctively, the drive controlling my actions. My hand had found its way to her thigh as I felt myself tugging at what little clothing was there. I felt her lips against my cheek, my ear. Her teeth tugging at it, sucking. Her breath hot to my skin. Her scent had become overwhelmingly intoxicating.

This was wrong. In the back of my mind I knew this was not how this should be. Even within my grief, even with knowing just how this whole series of events unfolded, that she was a poison.

I understood one undeniable truth.

I still did, and I still would…

Love her.

This revelation of the Generals end, did nothing more but amplify that, once the anger faded into sadness. No matter how little I knew of her, my hunger for more would never be sated. This woman I had once longed to kill, had become the light that filled the void left within me. How… disgustingly cliche.

I loved her... I loved her.

"I love you... "

I murmured against her skin, eventually stopping as I pressed my forehead head to her shoulder, letting out an exasperated sigh.

"I love you… Luxanna. I love you so… fucking much, and not even… not even this, changes that."

I held her to me another moment as her actions stopped before tugging her away to look at her.

"I cannot… let you do this. Not in this state. I will not let you regret this. I can't. We already…. We already have so much regret," I murmured out to her, bringing a light touch to her cheek, then to the back of her head where a bump now resided.

Piercing blue eyes bore back at me, as though they could see right through me. Leaning into my face, she pressed a chaste kiss over me, our lips remained locked for what seemed too short a time.

And also an eternity.

That was our second kiss. If only it could have been remembered more fondly.

I did not expect a response back to my words. To my confession. I knew not to expect her to love me too. Especially not after these events; after what I did. Placing my larger hands to her petite shoulders. I gently lifted her off and away from me, before standing to my feet.

"I do not know how we will move forward from here… if we even will at all. And I can hardly bear the guilt… for once it feels unbearable, to acknowledge what I did… to you…" I admit out to her, "But… despite telling myself I should, I do not blame you for what happened. Even if I cannot forgive you. Even if you forgive me. I cannot forgive myself. You deserve better than someone like this."

My hands balled into a fist as I stepped toward her balcony door.

"I blame the nature that is Noxus, for setting this path of failure before me. Before us," I remarked out simply, "and for that, I will not continue to give them the benefit of my anger toward the only person… to expose me to humanity."

Looking up to me from her position on the floor, Lux's lips thinned out, her hand moving to ball at her chest. It was clear, she had no response to this. What would she even say, that wouldn't make her sound like a lunatic? Taking a moment to calm herself, she looked up to me once more, her expression far more determined.

"I will… make this right, Luxanna. I promise you."

Without so much as another word, I made my leave.

•

To say I was a mess, would be an understatement in comparison to previous times this same event happened. I was a man prone to these bouts, and it felt redundant to say such, but learning of the dead end to the search I had dedicated nearly three years to…

Was too much for one man to handle.

For once, since the passing of these months she was not on my mind. Or at least, not at the front of it.

I thought of the General, and my last moments seeing him. Tried to think on any time he would have had an opening, even a minute to spare, to share his unspoken words.

I feared no time could ever come to mind.

I thought of Cassiopeia… of Katarina.

How would I tell them of this news. Cass, I'm sure would be indifferent. Kat… wishing to know where my information comes from.

She is known to act rash. Impulsively. Her anger and violence driving each slice of her blades.

In that sense, we were very similar.

Did I wish to protect her? The girl. After all this.

My eyes softened as I approached my typical drinking spot, slowly but surely. It had been nearly a month since then, though the depression reminded me that no time had passed at all.

That it was just yesterday… just an hour ago. The memory of that night so vivid.

The water never looked so enticing that night. I wondered if it was cold… or if it was a warm embrace.

Staring down at my reflection, I hadn't even bothered to bring alcohol. I knew not even that could fix anything.

"What is left for me…" I asked out to no one in particular.

...

"You know the answer to that."

I felt thankful for my agility and grace, for I fear without it I most certainly would have found myself stumbling back into the blackened water surface of the lake.

Staring back toward the entrance. She was there.

"Why… why did you come…" I asked out, no small amount of pain evident in my tone.

"Because I know no matter the pain, you wish for me to be here."

I motioned my still bandaged hands out, a pathetic display of my need to remember.

"I cannot…. do this! I cannot do this anymore! I should have never done it to begin with!" I practically shrieked out, watching as she slowly approached me.

I found it odd… she was wearing the typical garb she wore on the Field. Perhaps, like myself, she had lost all desire for self preservation.

"Talon…" she whispered out to me, refusing to respond to my words.

I continued to step back, the dock's wood squeaked under the weight of my boots, my heel eventually finding itself stopped by the end ledge directly behind me. Now more then ever was I tempted by that swim.

Placing her hands to my cheeks, I found myself… frozen. How could I have been so stupid. Foolish. Idiot. Idiot.

I begged myself inwardly, to for once not give into such an idiotic pleasure, but her touch felt so… sincere. Her eyes so caring.

I had fallen helplessly for the girl, for the woman. Bringing my hands to wrap around her and pull her tightly to me.

Could I forgive this? Could I truly look past this for my feelings?

Tugging back, I moved my face lower to hers, fully allowing my body to move on its own.

Would I ever stop missing the knife that cuts me so deep every time? This obsession for pain, that only seemed to invigorate me. Only in these… these falls into passion did I find myself relinquishing control. Something near impossible for someone such as myself to even think of doing in the past.

Before her.

And gods, was it riveting.

Like the sight of blood.

The silky touch of crimson.

It made me feel so…

Alive.

…

A sound so cruel, so disgusting resonated through the air. One I was no foreigner to, and yet it felt like the first time.

Eyes bolting open, before my lips could even reach hers, I looked down.

The blade that penetrated my abdomen. Held by her hand.

The blood.

The crimson.

Never had I felt more…

Dead.


End file.
